Sunday 11 July 2021

I'll thump you first then seek forgiveness.

 

I make no apologies for returning to the subject of forgiveness. Someone said to me that years ago, in a heated argument, he resorted to violence in order to defend someone else. He feels he has forgiven the person he argued with, but he does not forgive himself for using violence.

Let's make one thing clear. We all have a duty and a responsibility to protect ourselves and our loved ones. There are times when violence is the only course of action. God knows this, and understands our actions.

I've often wondered what would Jesus have done if He saw two or three people beating someone else to death. Would He have got involved?

In the Bible we read the story about those who wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery. But in that case, the people were testing Jesus. No violence had yet taken place.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Sometimes our violence is justified when in defence or protection of ourselves or others.

In a similar vein, we are justified in avoiding and distancing ourselves from those who have harmed us and are likely to do it again.

As a Catholic, I am aware of the Church's views on divorce. But despite their doctrines and dogmas, at the sharp end, many priests hold a different view. I know of a number of priests who would encourage or advocate divorce, in certain circumstances.  

Note that I say in certain circumstances; and not flippantly and as a first resort as modern society tends to think.

A priest once said to me that marriage is based on mutual love and respect for each other. When one partner has abused this principle to breaking point then divorce is the only solution. God does not smile when the innocent victim is left to lead a life of hell in a violent or loveless marriage.

And another thing. When we forgive someone, it does not mean that we have to reconcile and go back to things as they were before. Sometimes trust between two people, a married couple, or friends, has broken down to such an extent that you can no longer go back to things as they were. Perhaps you feel threatened, or fear, that if things went back to normal then that individual may harm you, or your loved ones, once again.

In such cases, it is all right, in fact it is essential, that you forgive, but not reconcile.

Forgiveness yes. Reconciliation no.

25 comments:

  1. ...living a good life is a complex thing!

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  2. I can certainly identify with your friend -- self-forgiveness is the hardest task ever.
    Interesting point of view from that priest!

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    1. Yes Mevely, self-forgiveness can be very difficult.

      About that priest - he told me he had seen many marriages where the husband gets home very drunk and beats the wife and children. He did not believe in such circumstances the marriage should continue. He said that God is not pleased to see the wife and innocent children treated like that. Other examples he mentioned are when one of the partners is constantly unfaithful; or when one of the partners is involved in crime. Such acts are totally against the ethos that marriage involves mutual love and respect.

      God bless.

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  3. Very sound thinking and advice. I agree with the priest you refer to. As my dad would say, "Not all marriages are made in heaven."
    Forgiveness is a 'Godly' thing. You created a very needed devotion for our day.
    Sherry & jack, I have made the trip to your area of the world several times on a ship, but this visit is must faster... Sending love and prayers from over here.

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    1. As they say ... marriages are made in Heaven - but so does thunder and lightning!!! Who wants that all the time? Your Dad was right.

      I had to return to this subject because some people find forgiveness and its implications difficult to grasp.

      I hope you enjoyed your visits to the UK, Jack. Thank you and Sherry for your kindness.

      God bless always. Thank you for your love and prayers. Best wishes and prayers to you all.

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  4. A person is blessed if they find themselves in a loving relationship these days. So many issues can make it complicated.

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    1. Sadly, you are right, Bill. There are too much pressures on marriages these days and divorce has been made too easy. Things aren't what they used to be.

      God bless you and your family.

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  5. Dearest Victor,
    Good post and also that priest was a very wise person!
    God will have to sort out quite some complicated things...
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. Yes Mariette, we do give God quite a few headaches. I can see Him reaching for the headache tablets right now as He tells Jesus, "will they never learn?"

      I knew a few priests who felt like the one I mentioned. They believe the Catholic Church is too strict in its teachings.

      God bless you.

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  6. Sometimes it is harder to forgive ourselves than others!

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  7. Couldn't agree more, Victor.
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you Martha.

      God bless always you and yours.

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  8. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship.

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  9. True. Everything you said.

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  10. That last line sums things up nicely.

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  11. Dear Victor and Friends, so much shirley-temple churchanity around - bluuck! The (long time) reality of abusive family members and church leaders hardly gets preached - meanwhile, the Bible has lots of verses telling us that we do not have to continue being manipulated by the wicked. And yeah, i get it, Joseph forgave his brothers, but i don't recall reading of Joseph inviting them over to every cookout he hosted. By the way, have all too seldom heard preached, that Joseph really struggled, over atleast several years to come to that place of forgiving those hood-rats.

    Victor, God bless you for blogging this very needful post.

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    1. Hi Sue,

      When we forgive, it does not follow that we should remain, or return to, our previous friendships. There are times when we must keep our distance from those who can harm us again.

      Regarding Joseph being sold by his brothers. This is an example of how, very often, when we go through a really bad time in our lives, God uses this experience for His will to be done and for His glory. In this case, it was through Joseph being sold that years later many people, including his brothers and father, were saved from famine.

      Thank you for your kind comment. I hope you visit us again. God bless.

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