Of mice and divorce

God called a meeting with Jesus to discuss the state of the world today. Also in attendance was Abraham, Moses and Peter the disciple and first leader of the Church on earth.

"I am very concerned about the behaviour of my children these days," God said opening the meeting, "there are many things they are doing wrong which displease Me; but today I would like us to focus on one issue - the way they handle marital matters and its faithfulness to one another.

"I have invited you here Abraham to gain an insight on relationships, especially in view of your marital arrangement with your wife Sarah and her maidservant Hagar!"

Abraham shuffled uncomfortably in his chair and said nothing.

God continued without looking up from His notes, "And I have invited you here Moses because you permitted people to divorce despite knowing My views that marriage is for life and should not be easily dissolved!"

"But they were a stubborn lot," said Moses trying to defend his actions, "they rebelled at every corner for forty years. They moaned and complained about everything. You saw how they built a golden calf and how their hearts had hardened. If I didn't allow divorce they would have continued to jump in bed with one another like rabid rabbits anyway. It was ..."

"... the line of least resistance!" God interrupted softly.

In the few moments' silence that followed Peter thought back to his days on earth and wondered what he would be reprimanded for. He remembered the great denial, but surely that's not what he was here for? Apart from that, the only other thing he could remember was once selling stale fish to someone.

"What do you think of the state of the world, Peter?" God asked, "in particular the state of the Church on earth?"

Peter jumped out of his chair and tried to think quickly. Not his strong point in life. He always talked first and thought later.

"Ehmmm ... well eh ..." he mumbled, "they're a rotten lot," he said. "All the people, those who do not believe and those in the Church, who do believe. At least the unbelievers are honest. They don't believe in You and say so upfront. The believers have doubts, they believe some bits but not others, they misinterpret what you said and taught Jesus, and they want to choose what is right and what is wrong ... a rotten lot. The lot of them."

"I meant in relation to divorce," asked God calmly as Jesus smiled remembering Peter's impetuous character.

"Oh that ..." said Peter, "well it is wrong. Because You said so. Marriage should be for life I say. And the longer the better. If I may say so, Moses, divorce has its problems you know. If a man divorces and marries again he'd have two mothers-in-law. Personally, I found one is enough ... not that mine was a problem of course. You remember ... ... you met her Jesus!"

Jesus nodded and said nothing.

"What do you think has gone wrong with the modern world?" asked God.

Peter was first to answer once more. 

"Well, they've all become selfish, self-centered, wanting to put self first. Self-gratification, entertainment, amusement, fun. Everything is measured in terms of fun. 

"I've even noticed some of their chocolate bars are smaller and called 'Fun Size'. Since when has fun become a unit of measurement? 

"All they want is happiness as if they are entitled to it. When I was alive on earth there was little happiness around, especially with all those Romans, not to mention the Pharisees, Sadducees, scribes, Jewish elders and what have you ..."

"What is wrong with being happy?" asked Jesus, "I went to earth so that they may have life, and have it to the full. Including happiness and joy." 

"Oh well ..." hesitated Peter, "that's different. Life was different then. In those days, to me happiness was getting home of an evening and finding a piece of cheese in the mousetrap!"

"I meant in relation to divorce," God repeated calmly and lovingly not wishing to appear reprimanding, "what do you think is wrong with the world in relation to divorce and what do we do about it?".

"Ah well ..." said Peter, "it should be stopped. People should be stopped from divorcing. Period. The Church should forbid it and make it clearly so. Anyone who divorces from now on should be sent to hell for eternity and suffer his backside being roasted for ever. That'll teach them!"

"Don't you think this is a little unforgiving?" asked God looking sideways at Jesus, "surely we should forgive time and again, not just seven times? Especially in view of the fact that in some divorces one of the partners is the victim and not really to blame at all. How do we deal with the situation where one partner in the marriage acts totally unreasonably, is violent, unfaithful or worse? Do we send both of them to hell?"

"Ehm ... well," Peter replied remembering Christ having forgiven him, "perhaps a lifetime in hell is a bit over the top ... for both of them that is. How about this for a solution? All people who divorce should spend an eternity with each other in a room until they learn to get on with each other? That will be their private hell, or Purgatory ... the couple would remain there together for ever and they'd only get out when they learn the meaning of true love ... caring ... commitment ... that sort of thing!

"We could even extend the scheme to all kinds of disagreements, not just divorce. Disagreements between parents and their children, or siblings, or other relatives. Disagreements in business matters. Disagreements between neighbours ... real ones living next to each other, not in the wider sense of the word as you implied, Jesus. Also disagreements between countries, like in politics. Put the politicians in a room and they don't get out until they resolve their differences. Whole countries even. That will ensure world peace I tell you! That's how I'd resolve divorce and all kinds of disagreements. Put both parties in a room and don't let them out until they learn to love one another!" 

"Thank you, Peter. We'll consider this at our next meeting," said God softly looking at Jesus sitting beside Him. 

Jesus smiled again whilst packing up His papers and closing His laptop.

Till death do us part

 

FATHER FRANCIS MAPLE

SERMON HERE

WORTH READING AND SHARING

 

She left me ...

 

It's terrible. Terrible I tell you. I never expected it, Terrible, what shall I do?

Sit down, calm down. Take a deep breath. Tell me what happened.

It's awful. She left me. My wife left me ...

What do you mean?

She just got up this morning and left me. And she took my sausages.

Your sausages?

Yes, she left me and took my sausages.

I don't understand.

What is there not to understand? After all these weeks of marriage it is all over. My wife left me and took my sausages.

It's the sausages bit I don't understand.

They were in the fridge. A new recipe I just invented. I was going to try them out on my customers today and now they're gone. She may even sell them to another butcher.

I understand ... I think ...

It's terrible. A disaster. My sausages are gone. What shall I do? My life is over.

Ehm ... if you don't mind me saying so ... you seem more worried about your sausages than your wife leaving you.

What do you mean?

Tell me ... if your wife had left you this morning but not taken the sausages how would you feel?

Eh? I don't understand ...

Do you love your wife?

Of course I do!

Do you love your sausages?

Yes, of course I do!

Who do you love the most? Your wife, or your sausages?

... ... ... ... ... I'm thinking ... ... ... I'm thinking ... ... ...

The Chain Of Events

 

It had been a long, hot and tiring train journey. The train had been delayed for over two hours because of engine failure, and the passengers had to wait there in the heat, with no refreshments or relief, until they brought a new locomotive to replace the faulty one. It got so hot and stuffy that Father Ignatius took off his clerical collar and put it in his pocket, and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt.

When they finally arrived at the station it was well past ten o'clock at night. An exhausted Father Ignatius took a taxi to his hotel.  

It was a small inn, which is all he could afford. Most of the staff had gone and the kitchen was closed. There wasn't even a porter to carry his luggage. The night-receptionist gave him a key and told him to go up to the third floor.

When he got to his room the priest turned the key in the lock but the door would not open. He tried again, and again, to no avail. It was as if the door was locked from inside. He was about to give up, and face the long journey down the stairs again, when suddenly the door opened.

Standing there in her night clothes was a young woman holding tight at her dressing gown. Rather foolishly she had opened the door.

"What do you want?" she said.

He looked at his key and the door number and, "I ... I ... I believe this is my room!" he muttered showing her his key.

"Who are you?" she asked, ignoring his explanation, and closing the door slightly.

"I'm Father Ignatius ..." he replied touching his neck and realising he did not have his white collar.

"Father? Father?" she repeated, getting somewhat agitated, "you're not my father!"

"I'm a priest," he replied picking up his luggage from the floor and deciding to leave, "I'll check with the receptionist. I'm sure all will be well in the end."

"That's what they all say," she cried, "my solicitor, my friends ... everyone ..." and she started crying.

He realised that the wise thing to do is stand still and say nothing. Let her cry until she calmed down. After a minute or so she said, "go away!" and shut the door.

The next morning he was at his table finishing breakfast in the dining room. She entered the room and made a bee-line to his table. As she approached, he stood up. It was a courtesy his mother had impressed on him years ago when he was a little boy. "Always stand up in such occasions," she taught.

"May I join you?" she asked.

As they sat down, she continued, "I wish to apologise for my bad behaviour last night!"

Not the sort of statement a priest would like overheard in a crowded dining room; especially since now he had his clerical collar on.

She explained that she was in town to go to Court to fight for custody of her son. Her husband cheated on her and she was going through a most acrimonious divorce. When she was at work, he called at home and took away their son who was being cared for by the nanny. She had not seen him for two years. Her husband, a rich businessman, had argued in Court that she was not a fit mother to look after the two year old boy.   

She was struggling to hold back her tears. After several legal attempts this was perhaps her last chance to regain her son whom she had lost. In the bitter divorce that ensued he had become an unwilling pawn to be used in the battle between them.

The priest said a silent prayer then, hesitantly, because he did not know the woman or her beliefs or religion, he said, "I believe there is a higher power who is in control of everything He has created. We call Him God. What I would advise is that you trust Him. You may not believe in God, but somehow, if you possibly can, trust Him. I'll do the believing on your behalf. Trust Him, that His will be done. Whatever His will is!"

He doubted that what he said did help her. She did not say much. She thanked him and left the table without having breakfast.

About two months later or so, when he was back at his Parish church of St Vincent, he received a letter containing a generous cheque.

She said she had got his name and address from the receptionist at the hotel. She had won the Court hearing and little Timothy was restored back to her with the father having visiting rights. She added, "you were right that night at my door when you said all will be well in the end".

She promised to visit Father Ignatius with her son next time she was in town.

I'll thump you first then seek forgiveness.

 

I make no apologies for returning to the subject of forgiveness. Someone said to me that years ago, in a heated argument, he resorted to violence in order to defend someone else. He feels he has forgiven the person he argued with, but he does not forgive himself for using violence.

Let's make one thing clear. We all have a duty and a responsibility to protect ourselves and our loved ones. There are times when violence is the only course of action. God knows this, and understands our actions.

I've often wondered what would Jesus have done if He saw two or three people beating someone else to death. Would He have got involved?

In the Bible we read the story about those who wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery. But in that case, the people were testing Jesus. No violence had yet taken place.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Sometimes our violence is justified when in defence or protection of ourselves or others.

In a similar vein, we are justified in avoiding and distancing ourselves from those who have harmed us and are likely to do it again.

As a Catholic, I am aware of the Church's views on divorce. But despite their doctrines and dogmas, at the sharp end, many priests hold a different view. I know of a number of priests who would encourage or advocate divorce, in certain circumstances.  

Note that I say in certain circumstances; and not flippantly and as a first resort as modern society tends to think.

A priest once said to me that marriage is based on mutual love and respect for each other. When one partner has abused this principle to breaking point then divorce is the only solution. God does not smile when the innocent victim is left to lead a life of hell in a violent or loveless marriage.

And another thing. When we forgive someone, it does not mean that we have to reconcile and go back to things as they were before. Sometimes trust between two people, a married couple, or friends, has broken down to such an extent that you can no longer go back to things as they were. Perhaps you feel threatened, or fear, that if things went back to normal then that individual may harm you, or your loved ones, once again.

In such cases, it is all right, in fact it is essential, that you forgive, but not reconcile.

Forgiveness yes. Reconciliation no.

Marriage Divorce Annulment

A few months after Joanna Hill was introduced to George Lomas by Father Ignatius, the couple fell deeply in love.

One evening they visited Father Ignatius in the Parish House, and after they had settled down to tea and biscuits George said:

“Father, we have some good news. Joanna and I are in love and we would like to get married. We hope you’ll do the honours, so to speak.”

“That’s good news for you two,” said the priest gently, “but there’s some difficulty with me officiating at your wedding.”

“I don’t understand,” said Joanna somewhat concerned at the news.

“You are divorced Joanna,” said Father Ignatius in his gentle voice, “the Catholic Church does not recognize your divorce. You are still married and therefore you cannot marry again in Church.”

“What do you mean?” said George, “she is properly divorced in Court.”

“Yes, that may well be so,” continued the priest, “that’s a civil divorce, but unless the marriage was annulled by the Church she is still married. The Church bases its teaching on the words of Christ: ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her: and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery,’ ”

“But that’s crazy,” interrupted George raising his voice a little, “are you saying that if I, as a single man never having been married … if I go around with various women, you’d forgive me in Confession. But if she marries me you’re accusing her of the graver sin of adultery?”

“Joanna was married in a Catholic Church, this one I believe, to a Catholic man, and her being Catholic,” explained the priest still maintaining his composure, “this being the case, and seeing that the marriage was not annulled by the Church, then she is still married in the eyes of God and the Church.”

“Hold on a minute,” George interrupted again, not noticing for a moment that poor Joanna was wiping her tears silently, “you said she married in a Catholic Church. So if she had married in an Anglican Church, or any other church, you would not have recognized the marriage?”

“That is strictly true,” said Father Ignatius, “if Joanna as a Catholic had married in an Anglican Church without the permission of the Catholic Church, and without the presence of a Catholic priest, then that marriage would not have been valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church. It then follows that her civil divorce would not have been recognised either and in all probability she would have been able to marry again in the Catholic Church.”

“This is totally mad,” said George getting a little angry, and still ignoring Joanna, “she married at 19 Father, and divorced her husband when she was 22. She was a mere child when he walked out on her and left her holding the baby … literally.

“That was over ten years ago Father. At the time she hardly cared about the Catholic Church. She was really distraught at having been abandonned by her husband and the last thing on her mind was to seek annulment. She tried to get her life together again and raised a baby on her own. Anyway, from what I hear annulments can take a long time and are worse than the Spanish Inquisition ...”

“George … stop it …” Joanna cried loudly.

“I’m sorry love,” he replied holding her hand gently, “I hate to see the Church … our Church … mistreat you so!

“I’m sorry Father for getting angry,” he apologized to the priest, “but you can see our dilemma.

“For whatever reason, regardless of who was innocent and who was at fault, this young couple in their early twenties divorced in a Civil Court.

“Is the Church seriously suggesting that Joanna cannot be intimate with a man for the rest of her life? Or else you’ll accuse her of adultery? Is that reasonable Father?

“Or do you want her to come to confess every time the two of us go to bed when we’re married?”

“Stop it … stop it …” Joanna cried loudly, “this has gone too far … I want to go home …”

She stood up and made her way out of the room followed by George.

Father Ignatius followed them silently to the front door, not having the chance to explain himself or the Church’s position.

The couple married in the Civil Court three months later.

Divorce, annulment and re-marriage.

My previous post "Father Ignatius, Joanna and George" has sparked a lively discussion here and elsewhere on Blogland.

In writing the fictitious story, I researched as best I can the Catholic Church's current position on divorce and re-marriage; with or without a Catholic annulment. Read the post and comments for a quick flavor of the discussion thus far.

I had hoped that a priest or someone from the Catholic Church "in the know" would correct or confirm the views expressed on that post. This is yet to happen.

There is no doubt that the Church's position on divorce, annulments and re-marriage results in a lot of hurt in an already painful situation for many. As a result, many leave the Church altogether, or worse still, distance themselves from God.

It seems to many that, in dealing with the situation, the Church appears to forget an important factor.

God is love and God is forgiveness.

He forgives many sins far more serious than divorce, and when sin is forgiven the person is healed to go on with their lives once again.

Christ proved this many times when He forgave sinners and told them to go in peace.

The Church appears to withhold forgiveness in the case of divorce in some instances by not granting annulments - and regardless whether the individual has repented to God, in Confession even.

Some individuals are further punished through excommunication if they marry again in another Church or in civil ceremonies.

This seems to imply that the power and authority of the Church is higher than that of God as they withhold what God has forgiven.

Such views have been expressed to me several times.