Thursday 30 December 2021

Secrets to a successful marriage



I was reading a book the other day about the secrets to a successful, long-lasting and happy marriage.

It’s amazing that after centuries of people coming together in matrimony there are still, apparently, secrets that we do not know about on how to make our marriages happy and successful.

I read with some trepidation and curiosity in order to discover what else I have to learn on the subject.

It seems that the first steps in choosing a partner for life are the most important ones. Marriage is not to be entered into too lightly and one must be careful with whom we pledge to spend the rest of our lives – come sunshine, rain or snow. It is imperative at the outset to decide who will clear the path when the snow is feet deep and blocking your way out.

Love, mutual respect, patience and understanding are obviously very important in a marriage. But just as essential is the fact that one of the spouses should be slightly deaf – preferably the husband.

The choice of spouse is vital not only for reasons of compatibility, shared interests, hopes, values and aspirations. It seems that the occupation and profession of one’s partner plays a major role in the longevity and success of the union.

Statistics prove beyond doubt that archaeologists make the best marriage partners. The older you get the more interested they are in you.

It is of course inevitable that in any marriage arguments will occur sometimes out of the blue and on the most absurd and un-important subjects. The trick is not so much on how to win an argument; if this was at all possible, but to avoid getting into one in the first place.

It’s not a question of capitulating and giving way in the first instance, but choosing which argument is important enough to defend as a matter of principle and which is not worth losing privileges for.

The question of principles is worth dwelling on for a moment or two. Don’t just have one unbreakable principle which you will uphold at the cost of your marriage, happiness, and future livelihood. Be generous. Have plenty of principles; and if one doesn’t work out for you choose another one. No one who is anyone has ever succeeded by having just one principle.

The book also has a chapter about mutual interests and doing things together as a couple which both marriage partners can enjoy.

Now, doing heavy work together like changing the engine oil in the car, tuning the engine, changing the tires and other mechanical tasks may be ideal for certain couples; but personally I’d rather sit back and admire her handiwork and praise her every now and then. Besides, I hate it when the engine oil and dirt gets under my fingernails. It’s a devil of a job to clean when I’m at the manicurist.

In a chapter specifically for men, the book states that women like to be re-assured frequently that they are loved and cherished. Frequently the words “I love you” are not heard as often after the honeymoon, or are used as a pretext to wanting something, like watching the football on TV.

The book suggests that the husband writes down the words “I love you” on a piece of paper which the wife can refer to as often as needed in future. Laminating the piece of paper will ensure its durability, especially if it is the size of a credit card so it can be easily carried in one’s purse or handbag. Drawing a heart, or a flower, (before laminating), will also ensure a successful purpose.

So there you have it … a few secrets to a long, happy and successful marriage. Now where’s my dinner?


27 comments:

  1. Dearest Victor,
    That must have been a fun book to read and always good to find out someone else's view on the secrets to a successful marriage.
    The song in the end is a good one; a rather demanding husband one can tell...
    A deep love and understanding is a main ingredient and also very important for doing things together.
    Guess we have fulfilled that to the max as we were working together. It creates a deep and lasting bond; that's for sure!
    You forgot one mention, one very important one, for both feeding your soul by attending Mass and connecting with our Creator!
    Over here in the South with so many denominations (other than Catholic) I've always been puzzled by the fact that some husbands and/or wives join a different denomination.
    That is not the ultimate sign of bonding in unison...
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. I'm so glad you liked the article and the song at the end. I like Country Music. This song is by Tompall Glaser although it has been recorded by other Country artists including the Muppets.

      You are right in what you say about a successful and happy marriage, Mariette. Sadly not many people take marriage so seriously these days. And it's true that a marriage must always be connected to God through prayers and church attendances. A family that prays together stays together.

      God bless you and Pieter and family always.

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  2. ...after 52 years of marriage my sweetie and I are doing well, never go to bed angry!

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    1. Congratulations and I wish you many more happy years together Tom. May God bless you both and your family always.

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  3. Long marriage, I do know a little about that. You said: choosing which argument is important enough to defend as a matter of principle and which is not worth losing privileges for.......

    That is sorta what the General once said about a battle, "Make sure that battle is worth dying in!"
    WE smile at that song, because I only know one line of it, and often sing it to Sherry: Throw another long on the fire bring me a beer and tell me why you are leaving me!... I know it is not precise but that is my version...
    Thanks for the advice, imma keep that in mind. You should review the 3 words the Pope aid are important!!!
    Thinking of you on this side..
    Sherry & jack

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  4. PS: The Pope SAID were important!!! It should have read... :-O

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    1. What 3 words the Pope said: "Where's the remote?"

      I'm so glad you liked this song, Jack. A favourite of mine for some time.

      Congratulations to you and Sherry for a long and happy marriage dear friends. You're a great example to many people.

      May God bless you both and your family always. Best wishes.

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  5. Our marriage has been a wonderful journey of 41 1/2 years and we are still going strong.

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    1. Congratulations Bill. Wishing you and your wife many more happy and healthy years.

      God bless always.

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  6. Unfortunately, I've no claim to marital longivity but these excerpts -- together with the song -- are hilarious. Arguments? I'm always wrestling with my decision. Is it more important to be right or keep the peace?

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    1. Good point, Mevely. Is it better to be right or to keep the peace? For example, what is the difference between a saucepan, a pot or a frying pan ... or a casserole even? Does it matter if I boil some pasta in a large frying pan?

      God bless you and yours my friend.

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  7. A subject I am decidedly unqualified to comment on.

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    1. We are all qualified, JoeH. Either from experience or by being on-lookers.

      God bless you and yours always.

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  8. Is it more important to be right or to be happy? Sometimes i'd rather be happy because i'm right!

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    1. I see your point, Mimi. You're probably right.

      God bless.

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  9. After 38 years of marriage I found out that compromise was actually something we are suppose to use! Our oldest son attend Catholic HS. He had to interview us and we had to write a paper on marriage, all three of us! Our son was given a B! Well Mr. College Man, we deserved an A+! How does one grade parents on their marriage?? We did not even know the man and also we were not much of a fan of his to begin with! hahaha. I am usually happy when I know I am right and someone else is wrong!

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    1. So nice to see you visiting again, Tata. Thank you. Congratulations on 38 years of marriage. You deserve AAA+

      Wishing you many more happy and healthy years. God bless.

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  10. Communication is also a key to a happy marriage. Doing things together is good, but time apart is also necessary. A beer with the boys for him, an afternoon with the girls for her, while each takes a turn looking after the house and kids while Husband or wife have some away time. LOVE the song which I remember having heard somewhere once a long time ago.

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    1. Yes, communication is key to a happy and successful marriage. No point in her speaking Greek and him double Dutch!

      Keep smiling, River. God bless you and yours.

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  11. Such an important topic. Good, loving marriages are the life blood of society.
    For my husband and I it's been a pilgrimage together for almost 50 years.
    There have been times, I won't lie, when one or other of us might have walked away because it was so hard.
    But, we both say, that we are happier now than we've ever been. We are so blessed to have each other and to have our large family. We have worked together and continued to love ( always remembering that love is a doing word, as my grandson reminds me).
    We start again many times.
    We actively try to put the other first - not always easy.
    And without our Catholic Faith it would all be impossible, I'm sure.
    We rely on the sacrament.
    I pray for my children and grandchildren who are married, that they stay together and learn to Love.
    Thank you, for getting me pondering today

    gramswisewords.blogspot.com

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    1. Many congratulations on your 50 years of marriage, Grams. Wishing you many more happy years together filled with joy and good health.

      You are so right that faith is central to a successful union. A family that prays together stays together.

      God bless you and your family.

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  12. "Now, where's my dinner?"
    Too funny, Victor! Marriage is a complex issue because all of us are different and expect/want different things. I'd say the most important is to love your partner deeply, and be willing to apologize and forgive when the need arises.
    Blessing!

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    1. I think you put it excellently well, Martha. I agree with your view on marriage.

      May God bless you and your family always.

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  13. I don't believe you're really as offhand as you recommend, Victor!

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  14. But you have inspired me to write my own blog post!

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    1. It's great to see you here again Liz. My kind of humour keeps me going in difficult times. I'm looking forward to your Blog post on this subject. Going to your Blog right now.

      Best wishes always. God bless you and yours.

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