Saturday 3 September 2022

Things you should know

 

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.  

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put ’DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

 17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

28 comments:

  1. I have 21 of these tucked away in my 'Jokes'
    folder...here's a few of them....
    When one door closes and another door opens,
    you are probably in prison...

    To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it...

    Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the
    new midnight...

    It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a
    herd of turtles...

    The older I get, the earlier it gets late...

    When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to
    any time between yesterday and 15 years ago...

    I remember being able to get up without making sound effects...

    I had my patience tested. I'm negative...
    🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️ 🖐️

    ReplyDelete
  2. ...I have been to a number of doctors lately and they all ask me if they are hurting me. I say that I'm a tough guy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our doctors are only allowed to hurt patients who do not pay for their treatment.

      God bless you, Tom.

      Delete
  3. Where there isn't a will, there's God's way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true, David. So nice to see you visiting here.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. Dearest Victor,
    Oh, that #6 is such a tragic truth...!
    Also #12 is so true.
    All of them are good and make you really THINK!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    Replies
    1. It is so sad, Mariette, that after all these years, nations still go to war to sort out their differences.

      God bless always.

      Delete
  5. This morning as I was reading blogs someone else had this same list of funnies. ( What are the chances of that?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps you read my Blog twice !!!

      God bless, Kathy.

      Delete
  6. #3 is EXCELLENT! Just was reading them out loud to Pieter...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No. 3 is the motto of today's modern society. You should see how many stupid people we have here on TV.

      God bless, Mariette and Pieter.

      Delete
  7. These are great! How true is #5?!?!
    #8? Plagiarism is such an ugly word ... I prefer "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you imagine a world without plagiarism, Mevely?

      You may say I'm a dreamer
      But I'm not the only one
      I hope someday you'll join us
      And the world will be as one ... no plagiarism.

      I think I should act sensible in public.

      God bless always, my friend.

      Delete
  8. well, it's hard for me to choose my top 5 favorites here, Victor! each one is more profound than the next!

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    Replies
    1. I am so profound myself, Linda.

      God bless you and yours.

      Delete
  9. Pithy and wise sayings, Victor. Thanks!

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  10. There are so many funny and wise thoughts in your list. Some favorites for me are 2, 13 and 17.

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    Replies
    1. I must admit Terra, No 2 is my favourite. But I'm not so sure, I'm so indecisive.

      God bless my friend.

      Delete
  11. These were good. My favorites were 11 and 15.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I certainly agree with No. 15, Happyone.

      God bless you and your family.

      Delete
  12. Good to read these, thanks Victor.

    Enjoy your weekend.

    All the best Jan

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    Replies
    1. It's great to see you here again, Jan. Thanx.

      God bless.

      Delete
  13. You and Willie are both on a roll!

    ReplyDelete

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