The Barber of Shaville

I usually cut my own hair. I stand in front of a mirror and with a pair of scissors ... snip ... snip ... all done. Front ... back ... sides ... and I look like the hedge in our garden. 

I dislike going to the barbers or hairdressers. I hate people touching me. But I was forced to go to look presentable for a wedding. It would have been easier and cheaper to turn down the invitation but I was over-ruled! 

 

He sat me there and leant me back in the chair. He put an over sized napkin round my neck as if I'm a baby. Touched my hair and made inane and insulting comments like, "who cut your hair the last time?"

He then asked, "How would you like your hair cut?"

 

I said I wanted a Tony Curtis hairstyle. He took his electric machine and shaved my head totally bald. I was livid. Really mad. "You've shaved me totally bald," I cried, "do you even know who Tony Curtis is?" 

"Indeed I do," he replied, "I saw him in The King And I fifteen times."

It took me a few weeks for my hair to grow back. Guess what? Another wedding invitation. 

I was forced to go to another hairdresser. He asked me how I’d like my hair cut. I looked at him and said, “Like yours!”

He shaved my head totally bald. I was livid again. I said, “that’s not like yours!”

He replied, “Yes it is, but mine has grown again now!”

A few more weeks later and you guessed it. Yet another wedding invitation. My wife insisted I go for another haircut.

I went to yet another hairdresser. He asked me how I’d like my hair cut. He had a photo of Gary Cooper. I pointed at the photo and said, “like him!”

He shaved my head totally bald. I was really livid, more than before. I said, “That’s not what Gary Cooper looks like!”

He replied, “He would if he came here for a haircut! That's all I know how to do.”

I think people should stop getting married.