It was a large owl; I'd never seem them so big. It was about half-way up a tall tree. It was not moving at all. It did not seem bothered by our presence, as if he hadn't noticed us.
Keith started making hooting noises. I tried to dissuade him in case the people in nearby houses may hear us and call the police. He continued hooting for a while. The owl did not move an inch; or a centimetre either. I did not know whether he used the metric system of measurements or not, but it did not matter because he did not move.
We thought he was a statue. But then, who would but a statue of an owl so high up a tree.
"Perhaps it's a stuffed owl," said Keith who had considered studying taxidermy. He had failed trigonometry at college and taxidermy was another course in the list beginning with T. He thought it was the management of taxis. He ended up studying truancy at College and went on to University to study stupidity.
I doubted it was a stuffed owl. It looked real. But then, stuffed animals look real anyway, only dead.
Keith decided to draw its attention by throwing something at it. He picked up a brick from a nearby building site. I had to dissuade him by explaining it was not aerodynamic enough. He threw a few small pebbles. The owl did not move at all.
We decided to phone the animal and birds welfare people, even though it was getting late. We went to the telephone kiosk and Keith phoned them.
"There's a big owl on top of a big tree and it is not moving at all!"
"What kind is it?"
"I don't know. Possibly an oak, or an elm or perhaps a sycamore. I don't know about trees!"
"The owl!"
"What about the owl?"
"What type is it?"
"I didn't know there were different types. They're all the same shape with big eyes and heads that go round 360 degrees to save them turning round when walking!"
"How big is it?"
"The size of a small dog!"
"Colour?"
"Mostly brown ... I think ... it's getting a bit dark right now!"
"Does it have a brown face, or is it a lighter colour?"
"Can't remember ... hold on ... we'll go and find out ..."
We ran back to the edge of the park and we could not agree on which tree the owl was on. All trees look the same apparently and the owl could have been on any of them; but which one. We searched many trees and eventually gave up.
Perhaps we should have marked the tree before phoning for help.
We have a cat, a dog, a wolf, a shark, a crocodile, a panda bear, a dragon, and umpteen other potential predators that would make that bird into a Kentucky Fried Owl with French fried potatoes on the side!
I know I exaggerate in order to make a point. But quite seriously I was reluctant to accept responsibility for someone else's pet. It reminds me of the day someone left a stick insect for me to look after. It was in a glass tank. One day it did not move at all. I thought it was natural for it not to move. It fell off its branch inside the glass tank. I glued it back on. It still did not move. When its owner came back he told me it was dead.
By the way, do you know what to call a collection of stick insects? A branch!
Another by the way. Did you know the panda bear is actually a bear? As a bear it was carnivorous. It ate meat. Then one day it decided to eat bamboo. Bamboo is difficult to digest. It has little nutritional value. Hence the pandas have to eat a lot of it. Pandas are extinct or endangered or whatever you call a stubborn animal who will not eat what he was created to eat. Tell that to someone who decides to become vegetarian.
Back to the owl. I thought they'd bring it in a cage. It came sitting, or half-standing on a luxurious velvet cushion. It had injured its leg and could not grip a branch which is the natural thing to do. So they put it on a cushion. It had little crutches under its wings to keep it upright.
It just sat there not moving much. Every so often it turned its head round. They can turn their heads almost 340 degrees you know. It did not do much. It sat there and did not even fly.
Obviously, we could not leave it alone in an open non-cage. I saw the cat and the dog drawing lots as to who would eat it first.
We took it with us wherever we went from room to room, never leaving it alone. I did not like the way it looked at me when I undressed. Owls are predators you know! They attack and eat small things!
They have binocular visions and binaural hearing. This means they have eyes up front and can focus on a three-dimensional image and attack it. The same with their hearing. They can focus exactly where the sound is coming from. They don't make trousers with silent zippers you know!
When we left the house we always took him with us. We took him to the cinema. We thought he would not like the theatre. They had a play on about owls and we thought it would not be appropriate.
I bet you cannot name any plays about, or involving, owls. There's the one where they sing, "Owl be seeing you, in all the familiar places!"
Anyway, we took the owl to the cinema instead. A film called Kestrel was on.
I put the owl on my shoulder and pretended he was a pirate. He already had the crutches under his wings. So I gave him an eye-patch and he played the part admirably. The cinema people let us in.
My wife had a carrot on her shoulder. She pretended to be a vegetarian pirate.
I was glad when our friends came back from holiday and took their owl back. When I told them we took him to the cinema they laughed.
What a hoot! The owl laughed too. That was a hoot and a half!
