God Speaking

It is said that we have been on this earth for millions of years. I know it feels like it to me when I experience aches and pains … but that’s another story. So let’s stop interrupting and get back on course.

For all these years, as long as man could reason and comprehend … (some women believe this has never happened, by the way).

I really must stop interrupting myself.

As I was saying … for all these years, as long as humanity could reason and comprehend, God has spoken to us and shown us the Way to Him.

No generation has been left without a sure sign of His existence and the Way to Him.

At first, God spoke through people like Abraham, Moses, Elijah and other prophets. He spoke through the many poets and songsters who wrote the psalms. And through ordinary people so that their contemporaries could understand.

Had He appeared as a majestic Super Being, a Divine Ruler, Creator and King of the whole universe, omnipotent, all knowing and all powerful; He would most probably have caused havoc, fear, awe, and eventually total submission of the human race He created. Hardly the acts of a loving Father.

So instead, God chose the gentler way of speaking to us through enlightened open minded people who could translate His message to generations in a language they could understand.

He taught His people of His love for them, and for His plans to come to them in person, as often prophesised in the Old Testament.

But many did not listen.

Later on, when they were ready, He did visit His creations on earth as promised. He came in human form, just like us, in the shape of Jesus. He showed His people many signs of His Divinity through healing miracles and raising of the dead. He died for them and us, and was raised from the dead.

But many did not listen.

When Jesus went to Heaven He sent the Holy Spirit to guide us, help us, and be with us every step of the eventual Way to the Father.

Many received Him with open hearts.

But as for countless others …

They’re not listening still.

The Joys of Getting Older

They say people should grow old gracefully. What nonsense. I intend to grow old disgracefully and will probably die trying.

Why can't we behave as we like when we get older? Most of us have behaved properly and cared about what others think of us most of our lives. As we grow older, now's the time to venture into a little mischief and enjoy how others around us deal with it.

Men especially. They can get away with most mischief and people think they are cute because they are of a "certain age". They can be eccentric in the way they behave, or in what they wear, and no one seems to mind.

An old acquaintance of mine, for instance, wears his trousers pulled up all the way to his nipples. They are held there by braces and a wide belt pulled tightly round his chest. With a white checkered shirt and brown woollen pullover, both tucked in inside the trousers, and covered by a tweed jacket, and he's good to go. He's the fashion icon of today's older society. He has teeth like the Ten Commandments, all broken. He's a sex symbol for women who don't care.

This eccentric old gentleman put a collar on his cat, attached it to a lead, and took the cat out for a walk. Unfortunately he fell off the roof.

He is either forgetful, or pretends to be. He sometimes goes upstairs to the bathroom only to discover he lives in a bungalow.

In order to prove that he is "with it" he buys new gadgets even though he does not know how to use them. Like cell-phones for instance. Every time his cell-phone rings he presses the wrong button and takes a photo of his ear. He bought a new sound-activated bedside lamp. Whenever he wakes up in the night all he has to do is tap his hands once or twice and the light comes on. He told me the other day that when he breaks wind whilst asleep the lights come on as if to reprimand him.

The other day I took him shopping at the supermarket. As we were at the check-out, a woman standing behind us as we were paying for our goods, seeing a bag of "Woof Woof" dog food, asked him: "Do you have a dog?"

I know he has a small dog, but he replied: "No ... this is for me. I am on a dog diet. I probably should stop because the last time I did it I ended in Intensive Care in Hospital."

I was puzzled at his response, and she was intrigued and asked him to explain.

He said that essentially dog food is the perfect diet which is nutritionally complete. He puts some "Woof Woof" pellets in his pocket and whenever he is hungry he eats a few.

By this time everyone in the queue was listening attentively.

Horrified, she asked him if he ended up in Intensive Care because the dog food had poisoned him.

"No ..." he replied, "I just stepped off the curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me!"

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Talking of hospitals reminds me of the time I had to visit this same eccentric old man in hospital. It was about a year ago. He told me that there was this nurse which drove him crazy with her patronising tone of voice: "How are we today? Are we ready for a bath? Are we hungry?" she would say.

To get back at her one morning he took some apple juice off the breakfast tray and hid it in his bedside stand.

Later on that day he was asked by this same nurse to give a urine sample in a bottle. So he put the apple juice in the bottle instead.

When she returned later to collect the bottle, the nurse looked at it and said: "My, my, it seems we are a little cloudy today!"

 

So he took the bottle from her hand and gulped it down saying: "Well, I'll run it through the system again. Maybe I can filter it better this time!"

 

The nurse nearly fainted at what she'd seen.

Women, as they grow older, can of course be elegant and demure and full of wisdom. You think? Not the ones I know. I visit an elderly lady every now and then to see if she is OK and if she wants some shopping done. Despite her age, she still is keen on cooking and eager to get me to sample her latest delicacies. Like carrot cake for instance. Who ever thought of using a root vegetable to make a cake? Or chocolate cake made with beetroot. Or elderberry wine. Or rhubarb wine would you believe? I always take a small piece of cake which I wrap in my paper-handkerchief and say politely that I'll eat it later. Our dog seems to like it and has never complained.

She said the other day that nostalgia isn't as it used to be. Back in the day nostalgia was thinking about the good older days when she was young and life was great. Today nostalgia is remembering the last model of cell-phone or tablet you had.

Now she's older she goes to keep fit classes to meet folks her own age. It's good therapy, she says, to see old people much worse off in fitness than she is. And it's a good place to meet men too ...

She told me an interesting story she heard from a friend of hers.

Apparently an old lady and an old gentleman were peering through the shop window of a Travel Agent. The agent had a good season and was feeling a bit generous perhaps, because he called them both in the shop and started discussing where they'd like to go on holiday. They chatted about this and that, but made it clear they could not afford to go anywhere. So, perhaps inspired from above, the agent decided to send them both for a week in Paris at his expense.

A fortnight later the old lady returned to the travel agent to thank him again. He asked her how she enjoyed the holiday.

"The flight was exciting," she said, "and the luxurious hotel was excellent. But one thing puzzled me. Who was that old man I had to share the room with?"

I guess a number of my readers may well be asking that question every morning!

God's Wavelength

I was playing around with an old radio the other day trying to make it work. I’m not particularly good at electronic or electric stuff but that has never stopped me.

I plugged the thing in and a small light shone at the front … ah … it’s alive after all.

Turned the volume knob to the right until it stopped … nothing.

Pulled out the telescopic aerial from the back and waved it in the air left and right, and in no particular direction. Still nothing happened.

And now the difficult technical bit … I turned the other knob slowly; you know the one … it moves a vertical bit of plastic left and right across the small screen.

Success at last … now I could hear crackle and high pitched whistling every now and then as the plastic bit traveled slowly to the right. You can’t quite dance to it but the crackle and whistling were there all right … very clear too.

Every so often you could hear some faint music or someone talking, sometimes in a foreign language, interspersed with crackle and different music or speech.

Then I noticed something else. Every so often the same bit of speech repeated itself as the plastic bit moved on and picked different stations. Sometimes it was very faint and crackly, sometimes a little clearer and once or twice … surprise, as loud and as clear as a bell.

A bit like God’s voice I suppose.

He is there speaking to us. But sometimes the message is overpowered and stifled by the other noises and temptations that the world throws our way. Sometimes the crackle and hiss of doubts, fears and confusion are louder than the message itself. At times you must really sharpen your ears to even hear what’s being said.

Yet … every now and then … you can hear Him clearly and you can understand His every Word and His message delivered sharply as if meant for you, and you alone.

All you have to do is be tuned to the right wavelength.

Is God Calling?

Hello !!!

Is God calling? No … I don’t mean on the phone. Although it would give me a great fright if He called me on the phone.

We read in the Bible that God called Moses for a special task. In the case of Paul, God used more drastic measures to attract his attention.

Jesus called Peter to follow Him. And Matthew, and the other disciples.

Over the years God has called many people to do His work. Mother Theresa comes to mind. I’m sure you can think of many more … your pastor for instance.

Is God calling you right now?

Does He have a task for you?

Are you listening?

Alone in a Crowd

Insecurity, shyness, loneliness, not quite fitting in.

All too often one meets people who, for one reason or another, feel that they are left out from what this world has to offer.

They may well be part of a group of friends at work, or at school, college or university, but yet they feel that they don’t quite fit in somehow. They are not the center of attention – the funny one that everyone admires, the intelligent one, or the artistic or athletic one.

They are part of the group alright, but they are on the sidelines. The one who never quite gets noticed!

Such inner loneliness and insecurity can be crushing and can so easily suffocate one’s soul and one’s potential.

Look around you today – is there such a person you recognize? Do the kind thing and include them in your personal world.

True Happiness consists not in the multitude of friends; but in their worth and choice.

MORE REFLECTIONS HERE

The curse of the golden shrimp

I want to tell you a story. The fact that you will not believe it is a matter for your conscience and your ability to weigh up facts and discern what is true or not.

You know how sometimes we can be influenced by other people without realising it. Advertising works on that principle. They tell you something subtly and leave it to you to decide. And more often than not we may change our behaviour according to what others tells us.

Many years ago there was an anthropologist who studied all things relating to humanity, society, how people think and what influences them. He was particularly interested in suggestive thoughts whereby someone would behave in a way that has been subconsciously implanted in his mind. For example, a subject he had researched intensively, was putting a curse on someone. If someone puts a curse on somebody, does the effect of this curse come true or not? Is it possible to curse somebody? Or is the victim's behaviour changed to such an extent that he makes whatever fear he has come true?

His studies took this anthropologist to far away countries all over the world and he met various peoples and cultures and beliefs. He researched how some susceptible people can be influenced by others' threats like putting a curse on them.

One day, whilst he was in the jungle, he had heard stories about a river deep in the forest which had golden shrimps breeding on its shores. These shrimps were believed to be made of gold, albeit they were alive and living creatures like other fishes which inhabited that river. Legend has it that one day King Midas himself went by that river and bent down to drink. As he did so his hand touched a shrimp for a split second and turned the shrimp into gold; but the shrimp did not die. It swam away and started breeding a whole generation of golden shrimps only to be found in that river deep in the forest.

Also legend has it that King Midas put a curse on the shrimp and since that day anyone who catches or eats these golden shrimps will also be cursed and will die.

The anthropologist was intrigued that people of the forest believed such a story, and despite there being little food in the village, and people ate mostly plants, no one dared go fishing in the plentiful river in case they caught a shrimp accidentally and died.

In order to convince the villagers that this was only a fable, passed on to people from one generation to the next, with little truth in it, the anthropologist suggested that they accompany him to the river where he will fish for these shrimps. But none dared to go with him. They were all afraid of the curse of the golden shrimp.

Early one morning he left the village accompanied only by his guide and went in search for that river deep in the forest.

When they eventually got there he asked the guide to sit away from the river to appease his fears. The anthropologist then went to the shore and to his surprise found that the river was plentiful with millions of the golden shrimps. There were enough there to feed the villagers for many years and more.

It was such a shame that the villagers' belief in the curse prevented them from eating such a plentiful supply of shrimps and fish.

In order to convince them that all is safe the anthropologist put his hand in the river and picked up a shrimp. He showed it to the guide, and then slowly peeled the shrimp, and ate it.

The guide was petrified with fear. He stood up and shouted, "There is a curse on you! You have eaten a golden shrimp and now you will die!"

He then ran away back to the village to tell everyone what had happened and left the anthropologist all alone. The villagers kept well away from the river from that day onwards regardless of how hungry they were.

And now for the bit which I suspect you will find very hard to believe.

What did happen to the anthropologist? Was he affected by the curse of the golden shrimp?

Well sadly - YES he was. He died last year aged about 89. Apparently he was allergic to shell-fish and the shrimp he ate 60 years previously eventually finished him. The curse had finally killed him.

How safe are you?

 

A new indoor mountaineering and abseiling center was featured on TV lately. It consists of a large hall wherein a 100 feet high “mountain” has been built with different routes one can climb to the top.

Some routes are just vertical walls with tiny crevasses for climbers to fit their hands and feet and pull themselves up to the top. Once at the top, you can walk from one peak to another on this false mountain via rickety bridges made from rope or wooden slippery logs tied together. Alternatively you can slide (abseil) down a vertical smooth wall all the way to the bottom and start again.

Youngsters as well as experienced climbers use this indoor facility to learn and practice before taking up the sport outdoors on real mountains. And it is perfectly safe. Everyone is tied in to elaborate harnesses and ropes which allow you to climb freely, and walk across unsafe bridges freely, yet, should you happen to fall the ropes would hold you and keep you suspended in mid-air until a supervisor pulls you back to safety.

One of the staff explained that it is a unique experience. The climbers know that they are safe because if they lose their grip or footing the ropes and harnesses will take over and save them from a fatal fall. Yet they are subconsciously nervous and fearful that they might fall.

This made me think about our relationship with God. We know He is there and that He loves us and cares for us. So, to that extent at least, we are safe.

Yet, sometimes our doubts and fears take over and play havoc with our Faith – especially when we face difficulties and troubles in our lives. We wonder whether He will help us or not.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1 NIV.

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TRUST

When we love someone we reach a stage where we totally trust them without any fear or doubt. We give a part of ourselves to that person; we share our very soul. And in doing so we become vulnerable and we weaken ourselves, willingly, for the sake of that person and the love we have for them.

Trust is natural. It is part of us as soon as we are born. A child trusts his parents to take care of him and to have his best intentions at heart. A parent will not give a stone to a child seeking bread, or a serpent when he asks for fish.

But there are times in life when our trust in someone is broken, wounded, even dead. And when trust is dead, it is very difficult to win it back and to go back to a situation where you trust that person again as if nothing happened. In the back of your mind, there will always be doubt and fear to become as trusting and as vulnerable as before.

So, if trust is such a delicate and fragile emotion when dealing with other human beings, how difficult is it to trust someone you have never seen?

We say we trust God. He will look after us, and care for us come what may. But how is it possible to trust Someone we believe in through Faith alone and without any proof or evidence whatsoever?

There are times in life when things go wrong, very wrong, and we feel alone, abandoned, and totally helpless as well as vulnerable. How can we possibly trust an unseen God when He has let us down so badly? Or so it seems. How can we continue to trust Him when trust itself in such circumstances seems to be an illogical solution to the problems we face?

It must be a wretched and lonely place to be in when we can no longer even trust the very God Whom we claim to believe in.

But then ... even Jesus reached that stage in life when hanging on the Cross. He believed His Father had abandoned Him.

If Christ, the Son of God, can reach such moments of utter despair, then we are to be forgiven, perhaps, when at times of great difficulty our humanity succumbs to its basic inherent weakness and loses trust in its Creator.

We should take comfort and encouragement from Christ's example on the Cross. He came to earth as a human to experience and share our every emotion, including trust or the lack of it at times of great sorrow and despair.

He overcame His doubts on the Cross through the grace and love of His Father in Heaven.

So should we, when things are really bad in our lives, turn to God and earnestly seek His help in re-building our trust, perhaps weakened but never destroyed.

May I recommend:

"I Am With You" by Father John Woolley. It is a series of one-page words of divine inspirations given to Fr John in prayer. You open the book at any page and it is amazing how often God is speaking to you there and then about the problem you are wrestling with at the time. ISBN 0-950-8840-7-3

Lost Property

ASSISTANT: Can I help you Sir?

ME: Yes please. I wonder if anyone has handed in a glove at Lost Property. We were in this store about an hour ago and my son has lost a glove.

ASSISTANT: A glove, you say? No … no gloves handed in. But you can have a pencil instead.

ME: A pencil?

ASS: That’s right. You can choose any colour. Does your son like a blue one? Red perhaps?

ME: No thanks. We came in for a lost glove.

ASS: But, we have plenty of pencils. No one ever hands in a glove to Lost Property it is always pencils, or pens, or rulers or envelopes.

ME: No wonder people hand in pencils and pens. This is a stationery store after all!

ASS: Yes it is a stationery store … but we’re moving tomorrow. Just next door. It’s just to confuse the customers. We’ve been here as a stationery store for two years now. So we decided to move next door. It’s like they do in supermarkets. They move things around every so often to confuse the customers. You go in looking for soap in the usual place and instead they have put tins of beans there. The soap is where something else used to be. It’s to get customers to walk around the store and buy something else; like dog food, even though you do not have a dog. It’s called Retail Planning Layout. So we’re doing the same and moving next door.

ME: I understand. I only came in to check if someone had handed in a glove.

ASS: And one more thing. Did you know that no matter how much you push the envelope it still remains stationery? Unlike us. We're moving tomorrow.

(Voice from behind me): Dad, I have found it. It was in my pocket all the time.

ASS: Ah … I see your son has a glove. We do not encourage pickpockets or shoplifting in this store.

ME: But … it’s his own glove. He had it all the time.  

ASS: So you say. He most probably picked it up without paying.

ME: But it’s the same as his other glove. Look!

ASS: So you admit he has stolen two gloves? I must insist you see the manager or I’ll press this panic button down here. I don’t know what it’ll do; but I’ve always wanted to find out.

ME: I assure you, my son has not stolen any gloves. You can see they are worn out. Besides, this is a stationery store. You don’t even sell gloves.

ASS: I told you we are moving tomorrow so we're not that stationery are we? Besides, he could have stolen the gloves from another shop. How do you explain they were in his pocket?

ME: If he stole them from another shop; which he didn’t, it would hardly be any business of yours. Would it?

ASS: You’ve got a point there. And so has this pencil. Would you like a pencil? It’s got a point too. A pencil without a point would be pointless. But all our pencils have points; in many colours too. Blue, red, green, yellow, mauve … now that’s an interesting colour … mauve … rhymes with move, which we are doing tomorrow.

MORAL OF THIS STORY:

Life is complicated. More so than it was a generation or two ago.

Everyone thinks he has a point of view, no matter how badly thought-out, or perhaps not thought-out at all, is that point of view; or perhaps just borrowed from someone else so as to make it totally pointless.

Consequently, many people push their point of view forward at every opportunity regardless whether it is a good point of view or totally pointless.

And a pointless point of view is not worth the brain cells it is written on.

I protest

“I protest … This is a sit down protest … I’ve been told to come out to the woods today for a big surprise barefaced protest … I’m not sure what we’re protesting about … No one has turned up and I feel silly … I won’t move though, otherwise all those people looking at me will think I’m silly … I’ll stay … I’ll protest alone!”

Sometimes we insist that we are correct and we stick to our point of view no matter what. We may realize that perhaps we’re mistaken, but we will certainly not admit it. We’d rather dig our heels and brazen it out regardless.

It takes real courage to admit one’s errors and learn from them than to progress blindly down the wrong road.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Bull

When the people saw that Moses had not come down from the mountain but was staying there a long time, they gathered round Aaron and said to him, “We do not know what has happened to this man Moses, who led us out of Egypt; so make us a god to lead us.”

Aaron said to them, “Take off the gold earrings which your wives, your sons, and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” So all the people took off their gold earrings and brought them to Aaron. He took the earrings, melted them, poured the gold into a mould, and made a gold bull.

The people said, “Israel, this is our god who led us out of Egypt!” Exodus 32:1- 4.



I can’t tell you precisely when this happened; but it must have been several years before Jesus was born.

And now … thousand of years later, thankfully we no longer worship golden bulls.

But we do have modern lifestyles, pursuit of wealth, fame and fortune, thirst for power and influence, love of materialism, abuse of the planet and the environment and several other golden calves to replace one golden bull !!!

Dear God please make it stop

Sing to the Lord a new song. (Isaiah 42:10) (But sing it well!)

In most churches there is a bit of singing during the service or during Mass. And this is good. Especially when the congregation sing with one voice, or when we have a well-trained choir singing well, and all is bright and beautiful.

In some churches I have visited, however, all is not as well and bright and beautiful. I have noticed there is often a tendency for one individual to stand in front by the microphone, Sunday after Sunday, sometimes accompanied by the choir, but more often than not just accompanied by the organ music, and regale us all with their voice.

Now I don't know if these individuals think they are Caruso, or Maria Callas, or such like singers; but they clearly are not.

In fact I have named one individual Caruso in my mind because of the way he stands straight and opens his mouth very wide when he sings; no doubt sucking in every passing fly for miles around. I have also named a certain singing lady, who alternates some Sundays with Caruso, "laryngitis" because she sounds like a cat making love to a hedgehog.

Why is it, I ask myself, that these two individuals, (and there are many similar others in other churches), somehow manage to get themselves in a position where they are supposedly leading the congregation in song, and more often than not they are only performing solo whilst the congregation sits there watching each other or watching down at their feet pretending to pray.

I noticed it today. Caruso went on and on singing alone whilst everyone in church was sitting there waiting for it to end, watching their watches and hoping that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would soon arrive and end it all.

And why does the priest allow this to happen Sunday after Sunday? Why does he not encourage the likes of Caruso or Laryngitis to sing "far away".

When Caruso gave us his rendition of some unknown hymn today, I looked up to Heaven and imagined Jesus handing out ear defenders to one and all, whilst God was reaching for the headache tablets.

I suspect some of you may think my views un-charitable and perhaps harsh; for which I ask forgiveness. But I feel we would all be better off with a little less bad singing and a bit more good deeds.

Is it real or surreal?

As we look forward to a New Year starting we also look back at the old year coming to an end and we wonder what happened, why it happened so quickly, and whether we have learnt anything from all the happenings that happened.

Try saying that with a mouthfull of marshmallows!

Anyway, one thing most people are talking about round here where I live is the weather. This is because in the UK we often talk about the weather when we have nothing else interesting to talk about. So let's stick to this subject for a while.

Apparently, we have had the warmest winter since records began.

Now, I often wonder, when exactly did records begin? Did it happen in some far off day in the past when someone picked up a piece of paper and wrote "It is hot today! Records have begun".

Did he on the next day write "It is hotter today. This is the hottest it's been since records began yesterday".

Anyway, whether it is real or not, it does seem that the trend is that the weather is getting warmer year on year. I believe scientists call this global warming; but what is global warming anyway, and what does cause it if it exists at all.

All sorts of people have different ideas at what is making the climate generally warm throughout the world. 

I think temperatures are higher these days because of candles. Can you imagine how many candles are lit at any one time in the world? In churches, in restaurants, at romantic dinner tables, in the bathroom - I mean; whoever thought of candles in the bathroom? Very dangerous if you happen to singe your hair. On birthday cakes too? Come on - admit it. How many candles are on your birthday cake each year? You and all these other candles are contributing to global warming.

That and cows farting apparently. It seems that all the gases coming out of cows float up to the sky and make a hole in the sky through which the warmth of the earth escapes and the sun rays get in through the hole in the sky and makes us warm again. 

By the way, did you know that kangaroos don't fart? Their digestive systems don't have the enzymes needed to cause farting like in cows and humans. No wonder they hop around so much. So don't blame global warming on the Australians! They're blameless about this.

One thing about the Australians though. They always want to be first. Have you noticed how on New Year's eve they are always the first to celebrate with fireworks? By the time we in England get to celebrate it is already tomorrow.

Anyway, as I meant to say before I derailed my train of thought. Because of this warm winter our tortoise woke up early and got out of its hibernation. So I put it in the fridge. The next day I found out it ate all our lettuce. As soon as I opened the fridge it rushed out in the garden to go to the toilet. It bolted so quickly we thought someone had kicked a football out the house. Why is a tortoise so shaped anyway with all those patterns on its shell? Is it meant to be aero-dynamic? What for, since it hardly goes very fast normally.

Apparently, the same thing happened at the local zoo. All the hibernating animals such as lemurs, squirrels, mice and other rodents woke up from hibernation because the weather has been so warm lately. But they did not put them in the fridge because it was full of bears hibernating.

Tortoises are slow though, aren't they. I wonder why. So are snails too. Very slow. Did you know that if a snail climbed up your leg it would be at least two days before you said  "OOOH !!! What a surprise!"

It's an odd world we live in I think. It's getting warm when it's supposed to be winter and the whole of creation is confused. I read in the papers that an elephant in our local zoo got so confused that he climbed a tree and sat there right on top. They did not know how to get him down. Then an expert suggested we wait until fall and he'll come down with the leaves.

And that's the problem you see. Not enough lateral thinking - that's thinking when you're lying down in bed. I'm convinced what the world needs now is more experts. Whenever there's some bad news on TV, an economic problem somewhere, a medical situation that needs resolving, some difficult political situation, or whatever else you might see on the news - it's the lack of experts that holds us back from finding a solution. Where are all the experts on every conceivable subject when you need them? Why can't they explain why it is getting warmer these days?

If we had experts then we could all go to sleep happily at night knowing that all is well with the world and any global warming that may or may not exist can always be blamed on someone else and not you. Personally, I find the best way to combat global warming is by keeping our fridge door open.

DISCLAIMER - No animals or humans have been harmed in the writing of this Blog. No cow or kangaroo have been asked to emit any bodily gases, nor have any tortoises, lemurs, squirrels, mice or rodents been put in fridges (because of the bears who were there already). Nor have any snails been made to climb up your leg or elephants up trees. It all happened in the writer's imagination.