Saturday, 14 September 2019

My Phone Conversation With The Priest

Hello ... is this St Vincent Church?

I would like to speak to Father Donald please ...

... Not Father Mark ... he is a little frightening at times ... I find him intimida ...

... Oh it's you Father Mark !!! Hello ...

... Ehm ... I'm sorry about what I said just then ...

... Will I need to confess it as a sin? No ... oh good ...

Well ... what I wondered is ... you know your housekeeper ...

Yes ... Mrs Nightingale ... yes ... well ... do you think she has my sausages?

My sausages ... You see, I am at home cooking breakfast ... fried eggs and bacon with baked beans and no sausages ...

Yes ... I have no sausages ... and I wondered if Mrs Nightingale had them and cooked them for you and Father Donald for breakfast ...

I was at the butcher this morning ... you see ... Ivor Bull and Harry Lamb ... do you know them?

... They are in the High Street next to the pub The Drunken Bishop ...

Yes ... I'm about to get to the point ... don't intimidate me please ... it makes me worried when you shout ... Ok ... yes ... I have calmed down ...

... Well ... the butcher ... he makes lovely pork sausages ... chipolatas ...

... That's the name of the sausages ... Have you ever tried them?

Yes ... I'm getting there ... Well ... I got half a pound of chipolatas and then on my way home I came in the Church.

I sat at the back ... and it was about the end of the Mass ... is it a sin to come at the end of the Mass rather than the beginning?

No? Well ... I stayed there and said a prayer whilst the two or three people there went home ... then I left too ...

When I got home I did not have my chipolatas ... I may have left them on the pew ... the last one at the back on the left ...

Well ... I thought perhaps Mrs Nightingale may have found them when she was cleaning the church and fed them to you and Father Donald?

Why are you angry with me, Father? I was only asking ...

Ok ... after I have had my breakfast ... without the chipolatas ... I'll come over to church and ask Mrs Nightingale if she found them ...

Will you be there? No? You'll be out? For how long? I thought I'd say "hello" whilst I'm there ... You'll be out for a month?

Ok ... I'll say "hello" now then ... and "goodbye!"

I hope you are not angry with me, Father ... Father ... He's hung up!


  1. I wouldn't be happy if my sausages disappeared either! Very funny story, Victor.

    1. I can't remember where I left them. The priest had no patience with me.

      God bless, Martha.

  2. Methinks Fr. Mark is in dire need of an attitude adjustment!

    1. You are right, Mevely. He did not care about my lost chipolatas. Have you ever tried chipolatas? Or Cumberland sausages? They are very thick and about 22 inches long!

      God bless.

  3. Phone calls like that can drive a person crazy. :)

    1. I know what you mean, Bill. He had no sympathy at all.

      God bless.

  4. People are always forgetting things that they have left in church on the pews. But leaving sausages there could only be a Victor Moment
    To funny 😇

    God's Blessings ✝

    1. I really can't think where else I could have left them, Jan. They were expensive sausages too!

      God bless you, Jan.

  5. I have a feeling Father Mark will be getting caller ID.

    1. I've noticed he avoids me when we meet in church. I wonder why?

      God bless you, Chris.

  6. Sometimes people get defensive when they know they are wrong. I'm thinking he actually did eat your sausages. : )

    1. Aha ... just as I suspected. I knew it ... he ate my sausages!

      Thanx Happyone. God bless you.

  7. I suspect Father Mark had sausage for breakfast!



God bless you.