Tuesday 1 September 2020

Phone Callers


Hello ... is that 32 23 56?
No, it is 322 356.
Sorry to have troubled you!
That's OK ... the phone was ringing anyway!
Is this Victor Moo Moo ...
Are you calling me a cow? I have never been so insulted in my life. Not from a phone caller who does not know my phone number. I don't answer the phone to be insulted. If I need insulting my wife does that for me!
I'm sorry Sir. I wanted to speak to Mr Moo Bar Ache. Is that you?
Hold on, I'll have a look ... Yes ... I checked in the mirror and it's me all right!
Good morning Sir,  I am calling to tell you about the latest technological innovation that's just been launched in the market.

I am not interested!

How can you not be interested, Sir, if you do not know what it is?

Because I've already got one.

But ... but ... 

Are you now calling me a butt? You are a very rude door-to-door salesman on the phone. Are you too lazy to visit your clients at home? Why don't you come round here so that I don't open the door for you? See how you like that! I used to be a door-to-door salesman once you know! In my day we actually went from door to door selling things people did not want. I often ended up buying things from them instead ... things other salesmen had sold them and they did not want them anyway.

Sorry Sir ... I meant to say you cannot possibly have one of these newly invented items since they've just been launched on the market. And as a new early bird buyer you are entitled to a 50% discount on the retail price.

Does this mean you'll double the price after I bought one?

Let me explain this device Sir. It is an electronic means for you to filter any unwanted calls from cold callers and salesmen on your telephone. Do you ever get people calling you unannounced trying to sell you something you do not want or need?

You mean like you? No ... not often ... but there's this guy who keeps phoning my wife. She says he's a salesman ... I don't believe her ... I think he's a sailor or something like that ... I heard him ask the other day on the phone ... is the coast clear?

Well ... I think you will want and need this new device I am selling. It is attached to your land-line telephone at home and ...

We don't have a land-line at home!

But ... but ... ehm ... I mean ... I just called you on your land-line.

No you didn't ... this is my neighbour's land-line telephone. He let's us borrow it when he is out. He passes the phone on to us through a long lead stretching from his back garden to ours! He does that in case someone rings him when he's out.

Oh ... ehm ... do you take messages for him?

Of course not ... that would be intruding on his privacy ... it could be his girl-friend calling ... Hot and Spicy ... or is that a pizza he ordered?

But ... but ... if you don't take any messages for him why does he give you his phone?

When he's back home we tell him the phone rang twice ... or more times ... and he knows he's missed some calls!

Would he be interested in a machine that filters any unwanted calls, do you think?

No ... he uses me to do this for him!


  1. ...99% of the phone calls that I receive are calls that I don't want to receive!

    1. I agree ... same here ... I now leave the answering machine on all the time.

      God bless, Tom.

  2. Entirely plausible, Mr. Moo-Bar-Ache. (*Giggling*)

  3. Plausible? We live miles from the sea. Why is he asking if the coast is clear? Has he phoned the coastguards, or the meteorological office and got our number by mistake? Several times?

    God bless, Mevely.

  4. Ha! Thank you for the smiles this morning, Victor. We got rid of our landline years ago. Unsolicited calls have been reduced dramatically!

    1. It's so great to see you visiting here. Thank you.

      We still have the land-line because of a good deal with the Internet provider. All calls we make are FREE. The nuisance calls however can be annoying. That's why we now keep the answering machine on all the time.

      God bless always.

  5. This is hysterical, Victor! It's been so long since we've had a land line, I hardly remember using one. Lol!

    1. How do you get on the internet, Martha? Via your cell-phone? Is the computer or laptop linked to the cell-phone? Or do you use the cellphone direct to the internet?

      Here at home we have a land-line provider who also provides the Internet link via a modem. The modem uses wi-fi so any computer anywhere in the house, including the TV, gets the signal. So I could be working on the internet on the computer in one room whilst someone is watching TV in another i.e. download from a TV channel.

      The advantage with this is that the phone/internet provider allows us all telephone calls in the UK for FREE. Which is far cheaper than making a call on my cell-phone. That's why I've kept the land-line at home and use the cell phone when I'm out travelling.

      God bless.

  6. I always hang up on those sales people when they called. No more landline, no more sales calls. :)

    1. If I'm in a good mood, I engage in conversation, (like above), with the sales people.

      God bless, Bill.

  7. Dearest Victor,
    That is a good and hilarious robo-call story.
    Guess all of us are plagued by it nowadays and it is annoying. Who has still a landline?!
    Times have changed, more convenient and easy contact via video or by phone but not all is BETTER!
    Wish that some of my six younger siblings would have provided my Parents with an iPad or whatever for making visual contact with them... Sad fact but nope. Mom passed away end of January, 2015 and I called her many times while she had dialysis, to make the long time pass faster. She was so happy.
    Dad passed away end of June, 2019. Things could have been a lot better but we always kept up our mostly one-way communication.

    1. Telephones and cell-phones are so convenient to stay in touch.

      In the UK many people have land-lines because the phone provider also provides an internet connection, (to more than one computer in your home), as well as TV channel downloads. So one contract would provide you with a phone service as well as internet and TV. Our supplier also allows us all UK phone calls for FREE. Much cheaper than calling someone on a cell-phone.

      God bless, Mariette.

  8. Sometimes it is fun to mess around with sales callers, isn't it.

    1. Yes ... when I have the time and when I'm in the mood. Sometimes I answer in a foreign accent, "Allo monsieur ... je ne comprends pas!"

      God bless, Mimi.

  9. I love messing with them. Unfortunately, a lot of them are now machines that you can’t mess with.

    1. You're right. I just hang up when it's a machine and think back to the old days when it was a real person. Someone once rang and tried to sell me a new phone model. I told him we don't have a phone line in the house.

      God bless, Akasha.

  10. Hi Victor,
    this is my type of humour and I think you should turn all that you have said here into a type of recording that could be attached to land lines, only to be used to answer cold callers :-)

    1. Good point. I'm not technical enough to do it, but I'll ask someone. Maybe there's a salesman out there selling this type of equipment.

      God bless you, Brenda.



God bless you.