Monday, 16 May 2022

Time for cheering up a little


My teenage daughter came home from school today and she was blazing mad.


“I’ve just done sex education in school today Dad, and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!”


I put down my newspaper and looked at her, “Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”


I love selling stuff on the Internet to people who don’t know me.

I’ve sold the same homing pigeon 24 times now.


I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all.


“How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me.


“Nothing” I slurred.


“Look at me!” she shouted, “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”


I paused for a second while I thought, and said, “It’s you, I can tell by the voice.”


My biggest regret is my mother-in-law didn’t live long enough to attend my wedding. She was the one person who might have stopped it.


A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, “So, what experience do you have?”


The lumberjack replies, “Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.”


The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, “The Sahara Forest? Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”


The lumberjack says, “Yeah, that’s what they call it now.”


I went to watch a topless ventriloquist last night. She was amazing; I never saw her lips move once.


I walked into the dentist’s and said, “I think I’m a moth.”


The dentist said, “I don’t think you should be here. You need to see a psychiatrist.”


I said, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.”


He said, “If you are already seeing a psychiatrist, why are you doing here then?”


I said, “The light was on.”



My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house any more.


I’ve been dating this really attractive girl who’s a twin. My friend asked me how I tell them apart.


I said, “That’s easy – her brother has a beard and a long moustache.”


My girlfriend left a note on the fridge. It said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”


I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What does she mean, ‘It’s not working?’


A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for a luxury liner appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful idiots should remember fairies are female.


  1. All very good Victor..couple l had'nt heard off...
    The homing pigeon reminded me of an old
    episode of Steptoe and Son..When the old
    man used to go to the pub with his Dad, and
    sell his pigeon loads of times to..! :).

    And..of course there are loads and loads of
    Doctor jokes..Let me think..
    A man walks into a doctor’s office..
    He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in
    his left ear, and a banana in his right ear...
    “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor..
    The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

    Patient: “Doctor, you told me I have a month to
    live and then you sent me a bill for $1,000...
    I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”
    Doctor: “OK, then you have six months to live.”

    A man goes into the doctor’s office and says,
    “Doctor, I’ve swallowed a watch...What should
    I do?”
    “Take these pills,” says the doctor. “They should
    help you pass the time.”
    HeHe! And so on....

    HaHa! Fairies are female...? Think you'd better
    think that one again Victor..! :O)
    Women are o.k. But there's nothing like the real
    Yes! Yes! I know l'm barred from the next four
    posts..! :O). 🍅 🍅 🍅 🍅 🍅 🍅

    1. "You're not eating properly!" Where do you get all these jokes from? Have you got them all written down?

      God bless, Willie.

  2. No! In the 'little' grey cells between my ears..!
    I always admired Bob Monkhouse, his memory,
    although he had books and books of jokes,
    discovered on his death, but his memory was
    amazing, and very much an ad~lib comedian...
    I've written scripts for a few stand up comedians,
    no one famous..but for the few stand ups l did,
    it was ALL ad~lib..audience participation..great
    fun, and, yes, l was very good at it..
    Love to laugh, love making people laugh, l always
    see the funny side of things..
    I saw a lady friend in the supermarket couple weeks
    ago..she told me she'd lost her husband Richard three
    months ago..I of course asked her..had they found him
    yet..! And..are they looking in the right places..! :O).

  3. ...the world needs all of the cheery up that it can get!

    1. That's true, Tom. We need happy faces.

      God bless.

  4. Happy Monday Wishes :)

    All the best Jan

  5. Thanks for the smiles. I liked the Homing Pigeons best!!! From over here sending Love over that way for your wife! Well maybe praying for her understanding.... ;-)

    1. I used to race pigeons years ago. They always got there first! Keeping racing pigeons is still a hobby of many people around here.

      Keep smiling my friends. God bless.

  6. Dearest Victor,
    Some very good ones; we ought to be able to see more of this at present time, instead of all the evil and hate.

    1. Thank you Mariette. I'll try to find some more humour to post here and bring smiles to peoples' faces.

      God bless you and yours.

  7. It worked! ... I'm feeling cheerier already! 'Hope the sun's shining brightly on your little corner of the world!

    1. I'm so glad I cheered you up a little, Mevely. Over here it's been sunny and warm. Worked a bit in the garden today.

      God bless always.

  8. These were all fun but that last one cracked me up! Thank you for giving laughter to those who visit here.

    1. It's so nice to see you visiting here again Belle. Please call again soon and often, and invite your friends.

      God bless.

  9. Thanks for the laughs.
    The first and the last were my favorites!!

    1. I'm so glad I made you smile, Happyone. Hopefully more humour here soon.

      God bless always.

  10. What a funny post, thank you!

  11. Glad you enjoyed this post, Mimi.

    God bless always.



God bless you.