Monday, 2 May 2022

Musing on my musings ... amusing.


I was sitting in the sunshine in the garden thinking. The cat passed by. I told him to go away, "this is a monologue, not a catalogue," I said. 

He ignored me and climbed up a tree and over the fence into another garden. 

I was reading a book about ancient or family traditions and I thought. It is a tradition amongst some people that a right to passage when a child becomes a man is when the father takes his son for a drink in the pub. This reminded me of years ago I took my son out for his first pint.

Got him a Budweiser ….. he didn’t like it – I had it.

Then I got him Miller Lite ... he didn’t like it either so I had it.

It was the same with Guinness and other local beers. By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the pram home.

(I can imagine the e-mails reprimanding me about this. It did not happen, folks. It's only a joke. Besides, he was 21 at the time and too big to fit in the pram!)

I was 21 too when my father gave me parental advice to teach me to be a man. He said, "always take everything with a pinch of salt". He was a good man, but he made an awful cup of tea.

He then added, "remember son," he said as he chewed on a pipe made of licorice, "It is not what you know, it is who you know in order to get along and be successful in life. And you're lacking in both. In this world, there are two words that will open many doors for you however - PULL and PUSH."

He finished his pipe and started chewing bubble gum and said, "And another thing ... never ever take advice from anyone!"

So I ignored him.

I don't know why, but this reminded me of another incident many years later. It was in March and my wife told me that in nine months time I'll have a little surprise! I was so disappointed by Christmas that it was not another train set.

Life can be disappointing at times. You try your best and things don't turn out right. The other day I was walking along the street when I slipped in some dog poo. I stood there by a lamp post cleaning myself up when this big guy comes along and slips in the same poo. I said to him, "I've just done that!" He hit me in the face.

Moments later as I nursed a bleeding nose a policeman passed by and I told him what happened. He took my name and then said, "I recognise this name ..." he searched his notes and continued, "I have a note here that your dog has been reported to have chased someone on a bicycle!"  

I replied, "I don't think so ... my dog does not have a bike!"

He warned me not to let it happen again; which it won't since we don't own a bicycle anyway.

Did I ever tell you that I was mugged in London years ago? It was at night as I was getting home from the pub. A youngster stopped me and pointed a plastic knife at me, "Your money or your life!" he threatened.

It took me a while to make a decision because I did not have my wife with me at the time.

He hissed angrily, "Give me your money or you're geography!"

I replied, "Don't you mean history?"

He said, "Don't change the subject!" 

On another subject, I read in the papers that there was a faith healer in town. Apparently, he is the worst faith healer ever. He was so bad that a guy in a wheelchair got up and walked out!


  1. ..."this is a monologue, not a catalogue," clever!!!

    1. If my cat joined in the discussion it would be a catastrophe!

      God bless, Tom.

  2. Hi Ya! Cat! How ya do'in Bro..! :0).
    What's 'apping dude..What's go'in on...!
    HeHe! I already have a photo of you, in my
    pussy~cat folder..Yer Dad..if he is yer Dad,
    sent me one..under pain of what's it...! :).
    Yer looking gooood! Purfect..! :O).

    HaHa! And drink..I've B/W photos of me in
    my high chair drinking wine..straight out the
    bottle to....And photos of me chopping onions,
    with a sharp knife..must have been good, still
    got me fingers..all eight of them..! :O).

    I won't say anything about traditions..especially
    Sicilian traditions..l go on for ever..Oh! No! Who
    said that...!
    Oh! Well, best get on..Oh! Happy Bank Holiday! :O).
    💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟 💟

    Well..I'm an only child..l'm the only girl in the daughter is an only child, did it
    once..did'nt like it..! HeHe! :)
    As a Sicilian boy of course, l was raised just
    like a girl..I cook, sew, knit, embroider, do hair,

    I think l slipped into manhood in my own time,
    in my own way..l was a born leader, never a
    follower..o.k. o.k so l follow a few Blogs..But!
    That's does'nt count..!
    I'm a leader of men..and women if they wanna
    join in..feel free..!

    1. Oh! Sorry! Don't know what happened there..Two
      paragraphs seemed to have dropped down a tad...

    2. Sometimes we need humour to keep us going.

      God bless, Willie.

  3. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, yes we're very old–fashioned for having still FIVE catalogues at our home. We have to feed them though...
    LOVED these, great for reading in the morning and laughing at silly but true things.
    Oh, I just did that... like you created the turd! 😜
    The guy getting up from his wheelchair and walking out was another killer joke.

    1. Sometimes, when I feel a little down, humour keeps me going. I'm so happy you enjoyed my silliness today, Mariette.

      God bless you and Pieter always.

  4. It is too bad this is all so serious, we have had our laughs for the day and feel bad about it.! They weren't just smiles, sorry, but we had to laugh out loud. We will try to do better!

    1. I'm glad you laughed out loud, Jack & Sherry. It's good to laugh.

      God bless you.

  5. LOL, good humour is always a pleasure to read. :)

    1. Thanx Bill. Laughter is good for all of us.

      God bless always.

  6. Oh, these are GOOD! That one about the dog pooh, especially. I've discovered 'WHO you know' to be a real truism.

    1. I'm so pleased you enjoyed today's humour, Mevely. Sadly, it's true that "who" you know matters most these days.

      God bless you and your family.

  7. It's always fun to come here and laugh, thank you, Victor.

    1. It's always great to see you visiting here, Mimi. Thanx.

      God bless.

  8. These are exceptionally funny, Victor. Blessings!

    1. They cheer me up when I'm feeling low; so I stand on a ladder.

      God bless, Martha.



God bless you.