Friday 26 March 2021

Customer Reviews

 

HOSPITAL REVIEW - * One star

I would not get operated there again. The anaesthetic did not work. I woke up during the operation and the doctors and nurses were playing poker round the operating table.

CINEMA REVIEW - * One star

I went in to see the Sound of Music, my favourite film. I hated it. The seats were too hard and the cinema was overcrowded. If the woman in-front of me did not have pierced ears I would not have been able to see the screen.

RESTAURANT REVIEW - ** Two stars

The music was good. The steak was very hard. When I told the waiter he got me a sharper knife.

HOLIDAY REVIEW - * One star

It was hot every day, and the beach was too sandy. There was sand everywhere when I sat down in my bikini. My boy friend complained too. He was wearing baggy shorts.

PARIS VISIT REVIEW - *** Three stars

Paris is beautiful. We walked everywhere and visited all the tourist sites. One drawback though. The Eiffel Tower was not leaning to one side as it showed in the brochure. Maybe they fixed it.

RESTAURANT REVIEW - * One star

Food excellent. Wine excellent. Service second to none. After the meal my girl-friend broke up with me. I shall never visit this place again!

RESTAURANT REVIEW - **** Four stars

I liked this restaurant a lot, and the food. But the waiter had big ears.

CHURCH REVIEW - * One star

Never been to that church before. I went for a colleague's funeral. Wi-Fi reception bad. Missed Downton Abbey on my laptop. Priest too serious.

IKEA REVIEW - ***** Five stars

Great shop. I'd read that 17% of babies are conceived in IKEA beds. My girl-friend and I tried the bed and we got thrown out of the shop.

30 comments:

  1. ...I rarely trust reviews!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have received some great reviews of my books and I am very grateful to my readers.

      God bless, Tom.

      Delete
  2. Blog review: made me laugh, hurt my leg slapping my knee.

    No stars!

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    Replies
    1. Well, I'm glad I made you laugh, JoeH. That's my reward, not the stars.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. The only review I trust is mine. :)

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  4. Hilarious reviews, Victor. Thanks!
    Blessings!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Martha for your kind reviews of my books.

      God bless you and yours.

      Delete
  5. HaHa, nothing like a good/bad rewiew! Finished my "blog break" today, nice to be back visiting friends. Laughter is good medicine. Thanks Victor.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you're back and laughing Wanda. Hope you and yours are keeping well.

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. As part of my last job description I had to respond to guest's on-line reviews. (Unfortunately, we weren't permitted to say, "You're right. We suck.")
    Everything's subjective, yes. But your post just goes to show the ignorance of some travelers. For instance? One man complained he wasn't given an ocean-view room. Mind you, the resort is located in Phoenix, Arizona!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Mevely,

      Speaking of a sea-view - here is a clip from a BBC TV comedy on the subject:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcliR8kAbzc

      I hope you like it.

      God bless.

      Delete
    2. That's toooo funny! I'm wondering which of my former co-workers to share it with first!

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    3. Faulty Towers was a comedy series about an owner of a small hotel who did not like customers. More video clips on You Tube.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  7. Forgot to add, I love the Eiffel Tower complaint! Bahahaha.

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    1. The customer is always right. They should have made the Eiffel Tower lean.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  8. I agree with the beach review; beaches do have too much sand. I don’t like sand. Lol. Blessings

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    Replies
    1. Agreed Nells. Why don't they have beaches with nicely tiled floors and artificial sea that is not too wet?

      God bless you.

      Delete
  9. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, the only sure thing those reviews PROVE, is that there are a lot of no-brainers! Stupid people as it makes absolutely no sense, most of the time, what they jot down...
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    Replies
    1. That's true, Mariette. People who write reviews just to see their names in print.

      God bless always.

      Delete
    2. So true and often also anonymous or under a fake name! Very cowardly...

      Delete
  10. Funny! Favorite one was the first restaurant review about getting a sharper knife!

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    1. Amazing what people complain about in their reviews, Happyone.

      God bless you and yours.

      Delete
  11. What a selection, many thanks :)

    All the best Jan

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  12. I'll give your reviews five stars. They made me laugh out loud.

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    Replies
    1. So good to hear you laugh, Kathy. Thanx.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  13. Heeheehee! Honest reviews are the best reviews.

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    Replies
    1. That's true, Mimi. Not too honest though.

      God bless you.

      Delete

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