## UBI CARITAS ET AMOR. DEUS IBI EST.

UBI CARITAS ET AMOR. DEUS IBI EST.

## Friday, 4 June 2021

### Maths and other useless information

Mathematics is the very first type of education in the world. It all started when God said to His people to go forth and multiply. Of course, He meant go and learn the multiplication tables because they will serve you well in life. But the Catholics took Him too literally and had plenty of children.

Oh ... Oh ... I foresee a reprimand from my priest. He reads this Blog, you know; and often tells me off at Confession.

Anyway ... God told all creation to go forth and multiply. A year later He came back to check, and sure enough, every one had had a good time and there were plenty of baby everything everywhere. Baby people, baby animals, baby fish, birds and so on. And God was pleased.

However, He noticed that there were only two snakes. So He asked them: "Did you not have a good time? Why did you not multiply as I said?"

They replied: "We are adders. We need logs to multiply!"

Get it ... ??? No???

It's a mathematical joke. Logs means logarithms. And you need logarithms to multiply ... Forget it. It comes to something when I have to explain my own jokes. It made me laugh anyway.

Let's go on. Pay attention now.

Mathematics is all about numbers and the relationships of numbers to one another. For example, do you know that there are more stars and planets in the universe than all the grains of sands in all the beaches and deserts in the world?

Without telling you the number of stars the mere image I have depicted has conjured in your mind how many stars exist.

There are indeed many grains of sands in the desert. I should know.

I was once a member of a research team in the desert and my task was to count the number of grains of sands. I counted up to 23 and got tired. So I can categorically claim that there are more than 23 grains of sand in the world and more stars than that in the universe. Just look up to the sky at night to prove it.

The Ancient Greeks were great mathematicians. Pythagoras for instance used mathematics to work out the measurements of shapes, especially triangles. He found out that the square on a hippopotamus is bigger than two other squares in the bush. He also had great respect for flava beans as he thought they were the source of life itself. One day he was chased by his enemies and he came across a field of beans. He stopped and refused to go through it and was killed by his enemies. It's true, I tell you. Check it out for yourself.

Archimedes was another mathematician of sorts. He was having a bath one day and the water in his bath overflowed. He ran in the street naked shouting “Eureka” and was arrested for indecent exposure. That's true too. Who are you going to believe? Me or what you have been taught at school?

One day I was traveling on a train with my college professor of mathematics. The train was going fast and we passed a field full of sheep. He remarked: “Look over there, 134 sheep!”

I was impressed and asked him how he counted them so quick with the train traveling so fast. He replied: “Easy … I counted their legs and divided by four!”

A bit later we passed another field full of sheep and I tried the same trick. I counted the legs and divided by four; but I had a remainder of three. Which means there was either one sheep with three legs, or three sheep with one leg each!

The Ancient Romans, unlike the Greeks, used letters instead of numbers. The letter I meant one, II meant two, III meant three … they then got tired and tried something different. IV was four, V was five, X was ten … and they also had L, C and M as numbers.

All this suddenly stopped when the Emperor Claudius received a text saying – I LV CLAVDIVS – and he didn’t know whether it was an amorous message from his girl-friend or his wife’s new telephone number.

Einstein too was a great mathematician who devised Einstein’s Theory of Relativity without the use of a calculator. According to him, the richer you are the more relatives will attend your funeral.

Also, according to Einstein, if a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to see it then it will remain upright.

He was once asked, is it true that sound does not travel in a vacuum, and if a man shouts in a vacuum then his screams will not be heard?

He replied: “It depends whether the vacuum is switched on at the time and how much dust is in the dust bag.”

Which all reminds me of the skunk running through the forest as the wind suddenly turns direction. He stops and says: “AAHH … it all comes back to me now!”

1. ...I enjoy the old joke, "what do you call Catholics that practice rhythm, PARENTS!"

1. Imagine ... having a musical rhythm band in the corner of the bedroom.

God bless, Tom.

2. Okay Mr. UK, this is one of your best. Love it, it is a fun read. I remember one of your mathematicians well, Pythagoras, we used his formula sqrtC=sqrt of ASQ+BSQ, with every house we built. If my son was building and I wasn't around I got a call, "Hey dad, what is that formula again?"
Also you gave the BEST explanation of Theory of Relativity YET! ;-)
Please try to be good. I am sure you and your priest have a good conversation at your confession(s)!
Sherry and jack, still laughing!

1. I am so glad you enjoyed today's post, Jack and Sherry. I found Math difficult at school but enjoyed geometry and Pythagoras' Theorem. And it's true about his respect of beans which led to his death and being a has-bean!

My priest often suggests I should confess to someone else and not bother him so much.

God bless you both.

3. In spite of loathing all things math, I'm laughing like a crazy lady!

1. Laughing is good, Mevely. We should have more laughter in life. Laughter is a release of pressure from within which comes out as a sound out of a hole in our head. From anywhere else and we're in trouble!

God bless.

4. Math was never my strong suit, Victor, but appreciating a great sense of humor is. :)
Blessings!

God bless always.

5. counting legs, divide by four and had a remainder of three. Too funny, Victor, you got me there. :)

1. I think some sheep were on crutches, Bill.

God bless.

6. Math was always my least favorite subject. Maybe if you had been the teacher it would have been different :-)

1. For a while I did give/present business lectures to managers. I preferred to just deliver as a talk rather than use notes.

God bless, Kathy.

2. I cannot vouch for your mathematical correctness, because I detested anything to do with it, I could not even add 2 + 2 and get 5. I am pitifully hopeless when it comes to math. Blessings always.

3. Hi Nells,

A lot of what I said in this post is correct. Unfortunately, I do not know which bits are correct and which ones are not. Keep smiling.

God bless.

4. 2+2=5 only works for politicians and lawyers.

5. That's why Math is important.

God bless, River.

7. I've never been very good with Math. I did learn the multiplication tables in the 4th grade and have never forgotten them.
Thanks much for the laughs today!! :)

1. I like to multiply the laughs amongst my readers. Thank you Happyone.

God bless.

8. This is so funny, I actually laughed out loud a couple of times. I loved maths at school, except algebra, but left after year 9 and got a paying job instead. I knew about the adders, but didn't know logs meant Logarithms.

1. We had to learn and use Logarithms at school. Also Algebra. We did it in pencil in case we made mistakes. I looked at my pencil and did not know if it was 2B or not 2B.

God bless, River.

9. Dearest Victor,
Well, those are definitely not 'FLAVA' beans but FAVA beans! No 'L' in there.
You got this story or similar in your book of silly.
Hugs,
Mariette

1. They were FLAVA beans because they were full of flavour, not favour. Also, I am not good a speelings.

God bless, Mariette.

10. While i like math your way, you may not be my accountant, it might get me in trouble with the tax man to do math your way.

1. My way is more entertaining though.

God bless, Mimi.

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.