What's going on around here?

 

There's just so many things happening at once right now that I cannot make out what is real and what is not any more. For the past year there has been a lot of building work throughout town. Wherever you go there are people digging roads, building walls, with big cranes lifting heavy things and workers everywhere.

Now they have finished they have announced that they have built the biggest supermarket in the world. Can you imagine that? The biggest supermarket in the world. It covers many square miles apparently. So big that the whole town is now inside the supermarket.

They have changed our address from Acacia Avenue to Frozen Food Aisle. I objected to this and said I'd prefer something more classy like Wine World Corner. They said to go there I need to take the Number 6 bus. 

The other day I drove to Pizza Place and parked the car whilst I did my shopping. As I left I accidentally reversed the car instead of moving forwards. I heard a crash and looking in my rear view mirror I saw a ladder crashing to the ground with a loud noise. 

I got out the car and discovered that a woman cleaning the windows of her house at the time was hanging there from her window. She was wedged somehow and could not get in her house. I said I'd help her down but discovered the ladder was broken. She kept shouting, "Don't look up ... Don't look up ..." being more concerned about her modesty rather than her safety. 

I had to drive to Hardware Highway to get another ladder to save her from falling to her death from embarrassment. By the time I got back, half-an-hour later, she had managed to slide into her house from the window.

I don't know about you, but I am getting rather restless and irritable these days. I went to the doctor and he suggested I take up fencing to help me relax. I did this and the neighbours say they will call the police unless I put them back. 

To be honest, I am getting very miserable for one reason or another. So miserable that even my pet rock has ran away and left me.

The other day I went for an eye test and the optician discovered I was colour blind. No one had ever told me this before. The news just came right out of the purple.  

To make matters more miserable, a friend of mine who works at the supermarket as a check-out girl has told me she has just resigned to become an archaeologist. Her career now lies in ruins!

At the gym they installed a brand new machine. I used it for about an hour and then I got violently sick. It's a great machine though dispensing Mars bars, M&Ms, Milky Ways and other goodies.

The manager of the gym suggested I take up jogging in preparation for the marathon around town, which is inside the supermarket. I never thought I was the type of person to wake up early each morning to run around town. It turns out I was right! I gave up at the Ice Cream Counter.

Whilst at the Ice Cream Counter I talked to a friend of mine who told me that Old McDonald, the farmer, recently married a young bride of 25. After only six months of marriage he divorced her because he couldn't keep his hands off her. He has now fired his hands and bought himself a combine harvester instead.  

Whilst at the supermarket I moved on to the Pet Centre to buy some dog food. I met a friend there who told me she was allergic to her cat's fur. She was there to exchange it for another cat. 

She told me that her neighbour, an elderly man, must have got a new dog as a pet. She said that the old man named his dog something peculiar because all day he shouted out the window, "Help ... Help ... Help ..." He must have found him because after a while he stopped calling.

Anyway, that's all for now. I am number 127 in the queue to pay for my shopping. This supermarket is so big that by the time I find my car the bananas I bought will have ripened and be ready to eat.