I went on a date last night and during conversation, I told my date I worked with animals every day. She said, “Oh, how sweet. What do you do?”
I said, “I’m a butcher.”
To be honest, I love animals. Actually I have spent a fortune on sick animals. Horses mainly, and dogs and pigeons. But I did not know they were sick before the race began.
A very rich woman in hospital in intensive care dies for a few seconds. She sees herself leave her body in a near death experience and meets God in Heaven. “Is that it?” she asks Him, “Am I dead?”
“No,” says God, “you will live for many more years yet!”
She recovers in hospital and is well again. She is so cheerful that she decides to improve herself. She gets plastic surgery done on her face, gets her hair re-styled and dyed a different colour, gets a new set of stylish clothes and looks terrific once again.
A few days later she is hit by a bus and killed instantly.
When she meets God she complains, “I thought you said I’ll live for many years yet!”
He replies, “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you after the make-over!”
At least, we are all getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two adults to carry £50 worth of groceries. Today, a 5-year-old can carry them!