Don't blame me ... blame my humour

 

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?"                                    

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While they were watching with amazement, a fat old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady entered a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch … and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son ........ 'Go get your Mother'

*******

A Nun gets up and starts walking down the cloisters. Another nun walks up to her and says "who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

The Nun carries on walking and again another Nun says the same thing. This happens 15 times as she is walking down the cloisters and she is becoming very angry.

She gets to Mother superior's office and just before Mother Superior could say anything the Nun shouts, "don't tell me I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning". Mother Superior says, "I wasn't going to say that I was going to ask why you've got the Bishop's slippers on."

*******

A passenger in a taxi heading for the railway station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments, everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said, "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years!"

*******

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here?" He asked. 

"This woman has committed adultery and the law says we should stone her!" they responded.

"Wait!" yelled Jesus, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone!"

Suddenly, a stone fell from the sky and hit the woman on the side of the head.

"Do you mind God???" Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!!!"

 

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