Quick Ones

Asked the doctor if it’s normal to spend all day listening to Tom Jones. He said, “it’s not unusual.”

I’ve found the perfect gift for the friend who has everything. A burglar alarm.

Asked in a record shop if they had anything by The Doors. Chap said “yes, a bucket of sand and a fire blanket”.

I was sitting in a cafe when someone ran off with my coffee. Think I’ve been mugged …

I went to a Hot Chocolate themed picnic once. It started with a quiche.

I like to break the rules. I had an After Eight at half past seven once.

The electricity company cut my friend off without telling him why ... I don’t know why they’re keeping him in the dark.

Saw a vampire sprint race the other day. It finished neck and neck.

I dreamt I wrote The Hobbit the other night.  I think I was Tolkein in my sleep.

A friend started a career as a psychic, but gave it up.  Couldn’t see any future in it.

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