Tuesday 16 April 2024

Close encounter of the double kind

It was by far the most frightening experience of my life. I stayed overnight at an old stately home which is reputed to be haunted. I was all alone in the house.

That's when I heard someone coming in from the kitchen. Probably a burglar. I hid behind the thick curtains. I was frightened and must have cried a little because I could feel the tears trickling down my leg.

The door opened. It was the butler. 

Then from the window at the far end I saw a flash of lightening, then a bright light that would not go away. The butler remained in the room.

Moments later the door leading to the kitchen opened slowly with a creaking sound. Long bony fingers appeared on the side of the door. Then a long bony face with really big eyes. 

A diminutive humanoid type creature came in slowly. It was totally skeletal made of bones and covered in a pale grey skin. It looked like an alien from outer-space who'd just landed in the garden outside.

The alien talked. He said to the butler, "I feel a spiritual presence here. Is this house haunted?"

The butler replied, "In all the time I have worked here I have not seen a ghost."

"How long have you worked here?" asked the extra terrestrial.

 "About 400 years," replied the butler.

I started crying again.

"I notice you've only got one moon. We have seven on our planet," said the ET, "Now take me to your leader?"

"Which one?" asked the butler, "I don't have a leader. I just walk through walls and solid objects to frighten people."

"That's a neat trick," said ET, "but why the eye-patch?"

"One day I went through a key hole and someone put a key in at the same time. On another occasion I slid under a door and the maid sucked me into her vacuum cleaner while she was working. So now, it's only walking through walls for me," lamented the butler.

"We're not as versatile," said the ET fellow, "but we have tricks too. Because we move through space and time at quantum speed we can tell your future here on earth before earthlings experience it. Like travelling faster than the speed of light."

"That's clever," said the butler, "you can tell the future. Who will win the dog race tomorrow at 2:00pm?"  

"A greyhound!" affirmed ET.

"Which one?" asked the butler. 

I quickly memorised the name of the dog ET said. It was Cucumber.

The next day I rushed to the betting shop and there was a dog of that name at the 2:00pm race.

I bet £500 on Cucumber to win. It came last.

FOOTNOTE: Why are ghosts always in old haunted houses and ancient castles? Why aren't there ghosts at the supermarket, or your favourite fast-food outlet, or in a public toilet in the mall?  

Do ghosts always speak in English? Or can they speak other languages? If so, would you be scared of a ghost speaking a foreign language? 

What would you do if you were at home alone and you heard the toilet flush? I'd probably wet myself.

And what would you do if a ghost told you for certain that tomorrow you will die? I'd probably stop re-cycling. Recycling is so tedious, don't you think?

Anyway, some thoughts for you to ponder about, especially when you're at home alone. 

BOOOH !!! (I bet that made you jump).


  1. ...WOW, I've NEVER stayed in a house with butler!

    1. This butler was young looking considering how long he'd worked there.

      God bless, Tom.

  2. Love it.

  3. Too funny ... each better than the one before! Butlers seem a bit intimidating, but I'd love to encounter a talking ghost.

    Aliens? I agree with a recent quote on FB: "I think the UFO extraterrestials lock their doors when they pass Earth because this is the insane asylum of the universe!"

    1. So true, Mevely. I cannot think what would extra terrestrials want with this planet. We have ruined it in every respect and we're still arguing with each other in violent ways. So sad.

      God bless you and your family.

  4. Talking ghosts and aliens??? I'll pass (water) on that combo, Victor.

    1. So glad I made you smile, Martha.

      God bless always.

  5. I always enjoy your sense of humour Victor. Laughter is good for the soul. God bless.

    1. Often, laughter keeps me going, Brenda. I'm glad you like my silly articles. God bless you.

  6. Victor: After this rainy day looking toward South Haven and seeing blue sky the rain is going away, I needed a very good belly laugh, you are an amazing man, thank-you for your humor, you are the best.
    Have a wonderful week.

    God's Blessing

    1. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this humourous article, Catherine. Click the tab "Giggles and Fun" at the top of this page for more humour.

      God bless.

  7. If I saw an actual ghost, I'd have tears trickling down my leg too...hahahahaha, that's a good one.

    By the way Victor, I posted the Fr. Francis version of Imagine on my blog and I referenced you as well. Here's the link: https://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/2024/04/music-tuesday-imagine-by-john-lennon.html

    1. Thank you so much, Manny. I have featured your Blog today.

      God bless.

    2. Thank you! You and Fr. Francis inspired it.

  8. Never take betting advice from a ghost or an alien!



God bless you.