Saint Peter's Book

 

Saint Peter opened Heaven's Gates and let me into a side room with his name on the door. He pointed at a chair and then he sat at his desk. He looked much older than I expected, but then, he is over two thousand years old, I thought.  

He asked me my name, which he knew full well. "Just checking," he said, "I don't want to let just anyone in!"

He opened a big hard-covered book which he had on his desk. It was at least a million pages thick. I thought he'd check for my name in alphabetical order, but to my dismay he started at the first page.

"Is the whole of this book about me?" I asked in trepidation.

"Yes," he replied without looking up, "it records all the things that you have done wrong. The one with all the good things you did is much thinner and will only take seconds to read!"

"But, you're not going to read all the wrongdoings I did when I was young ... I was different then ... you're not going to read all that?" I said fearfully.

"Would you prefer we wait until they make it into a film?" he said, again without looking up, "and what a horrendous film it would make. It would be more than X rated by the censors, although we don't have censors over here. All things done in life, even those done in secret, will be revealed and judged accordingly for eternity!"

I felt a little hot under the collar.

"It's getting hot in here," I mumbled.

"Yes," he said, "that's the devil stoking up the furnaces. We get some of his heat. But it will get much cooler when we leave here ... for one of us!" he added ominously.

I was terrified out of my mind. I knew I was doomed. I must have cried a little because I could feel the tears trickling down my legs.

"Is it hot enough for you?" he asked.

I shook my head left and right gasping for breath. I woke up and looked at the clock on my bedside. The thermometer recorded 29*C (85*F). 

I spent the rest of the night remembering my sins and asking God for forgiveness.

You'd better do the same before Saint Peter reads your book.