Anne Onimous

 

This Blog is open to anyone. You are all welcome here. I accept all comments even anonymous ones. There are no filters or pre-approvals for your comments to appear here.

However, there are some people who post hurtful, or provocative comments. Also political ones.

This is not a political Blog. We all have different political opinions but this is not the forum in which to discuss them. 

I do realise, (my techie tells me), that some people who comment here under their own names also comment anonymously. Also some who have stopped commenting here under their own names, return to this Blog and comment anonymously.

Such comments will be accepted as long as they are not hurtful, political or malicious. Otherwise they will be deleted.

Be kind to one another. God bless.     

Are you invited to Jesus' wedding?

 

In Matthew Chapter 22:1-14 Jesus tells a parable about a king preparing a wedding feast for his son. He invites many guests who do not turn up, so eventually, he invites all the people his servants can find in the streets until the wedding hall is full of guests.

In this story, the King is God. And His Son getting married is Jesus; marrying His Church here on earth - this means everyone, you and I included.

We are all invited to God's Kingdom, but many don't answer the call. Some even respond violently to the invitation by beating and killing the messengers. The King responds accordingly.

At the end of this parable there's an intriguing bit. The King enters the hall full of guests and sees a man not wearing wedding clothes. He is angry with him and gets him tied up and thrown out into the street.

Now this seems rather harsh treatment for someone not wearing the right clothes. Until we stop and understand Jewish tradition.

Jesus was talking to the Jews who understood very well that there are special clothes to wear at weddings. Almost every family had such special clothes in case they were invited to a wedding; even the poor would either have such clothes or borrow some.

No one would dare go to a wedding without special clothes. Even more important, traditionally the host of the wedding also provided special garments for those who did not have any, so they can borrow them for the occasion. So it was more offensive to the King for this guest to wear no garment.

This guest in the parable just did not bother; he showed disrespect to the King and his son; and was thus thrown out.

I guess we can note the distinction between those invited guests who refused to attend and the one with no special clothing. Those first guests are the people who refuse to accept God and to love and follow Him. The guest with the wrong clothes are the people who half-heartedly accept God as an insurance policy ... just in case ... they do not really believe and follow God. Believers in name only.

But how about us? What are our special clothes for our entry into God's Kingdom in Heaven?

Our wedding clothes are our good deeds here on earth. Whatever we do for anyone in need, however small, constitutes our wedding clothes. "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40).

It is just not enough to spend a lifetime on our knees praying, or going to church, if our deeds are far from what is expected of us as followers of Christ.

Jesus said, "Not everyone who calls me Lord will enter the Kingdom of God, but only those who do what my Father wants them to do". (Matthew 7:21).

In other words ... action not words.

What would the Trade Unions say about Jesus?

In Matthew 20:1-16 Jesus tells the story of a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire labourers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the labourers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. He went out again at 9 o'clock and found some more workers whom he sent to the vineyard. At noon and at 3 o'clock in the afternoon he did the same. And then again at 5 o'clock, he found more idle workers whom he sent to the vineyard.

At the end of the day he asked his manager to pay the last people first. Those that started at 5 o'clock got paid the normal daily wage. Those who started in the morning rubbed their hands with glee expecting more money. But they too got paid the same daily wage. Not surprisingly, they were angry.

What would the Trade Unions say about this if they existed at the time of Jesus? They would probably call a strike, and indeed ask for a wage increase for everyone.

On the face of it, this parable does seem a little unfair. We probably sympathise with those workers who worked all day and got paid the same as the ones who worked for just one hour. But let's consider what Jesus is teaching us here.

The vineyard is of course Paradise. Heaven.

The landowner is God. Only He decides who is to enter Heaven. You and I have no say in the matter.

We may think we know a lot about religion and Christianity but in reality we know nothing. Only God knows what is in the heart and minds of people and only He decides who is to enter Heaven.

Now about the workers who go to the vineyard at different times of the day. The different times represent when certain people get to know God and to follow His word.

Some people get to know God early in their lives. They are the first in the vineyard. They are probably born in a religious family and have been brought up as Christians and keep God's Word throughout their lives.

The others at 9 o'clock, noon and so on get to know and love God later in their lives. Perhaps in their teens, or in adulthood.

The last ones at 5 o'clock are those who get to know God at the end of their lives. Just before they die. They truly repent and ask forgiveness and as they die they go to Heaven.

Now the temptation is to live a "St Augustine" hedonistic lifestyle enjoying all that there is to enjoy in life and then, at the last minute, repent and go to Heaven.

But there is no guarantee that you will get the opportunity to repent before you die, is there? You might die suddenly and then ... bingo ... you're going down with no parachute.

And if you were to repent in the last minute, God who sees deep within your soul, will know whether you have truly and genuinely repented, or whether you are cashing in an insurance policy at the last moment so you can enter Heaven. You can't fool God, you know!

So that's what it's all about this arriving at the vineyard at different times.

And if you are one of those who arrived early, and got to know and love God as a child or when you were young, then your job here on earth is to be God's recruitment officer.

By living the kind of life He would wish you to live you'd be an example that others would admire and wish to emulate. And because of you, more people would arrive at the vineyard, later than you maybe, but they'd arrive all the same.

What an honour for you to serve the Lord in this way.

And one final thought, why be envious of God's generosity? If He chooses someone you do not think worthy to enter Heaven, should you not be glad of a late conversion and one more soul saved?  Or would you want that person to be in hell?

What if, when you are in Heaven you meet someone you thought does not merit to be there? What would you do? Object?

What if someone else in Heaven does not think you are worthy to be there?

Beware when giving to charity

 

We often receive letters and emails urging us to donate to this and that charity. We end up feeling guilty if we do not respond to one appeal or another. They all have a sad tale to tell as to why they need funds.

Some charities even suggest you sponsor or "adopt" as part of your donation. For example they would say that if you were to promise to donate a certain sum each month you would "adopt" an animal, and they would send you a photo of the animal, sometimes a cuddly toy too, and every so often a letter telling you how it is doing and how happy it is in the reserve where it is living.

They asked us in church to help with continuous donations to train new priests. I kindly obliged and filled in a form.

Three weeks later we had a new trainee priest standing at our door. He came to live with us.

I could not believe it! I never agreed to have a priest living with us. I read the form I signed, and there, in very very small print, it said in Clause 365, Chapter 366, sub-paragraph 900: "The priest will live with you until he qualifies as a fully working priest and has gained at least one A Grade in his exams".

Those Catholics had tricked me once again.

Apparently I have to have this priest living with us for I don't know how long. My lawyer said it is until he finishes his training. I hope he is not a slow learner.

Can you imagine what it's like having a priest living with you? I have to mind what I say and do. For a start, I cannot watch whichever "dubious" programs on TV any more. The priest does not approve of that. And there's a limit to how much Christian programs I can take. 

I have even stopped drinking my favourite whisky or can of Guinness. 

And there's a limit to how much coffee I can take instead. I am so wound up I'm likely to lose control soon. Coffee is making me run to the bathroom more often than I like to. It is certainly not my cup of tea!

The trainee priest sits there quietly all day reading his books and praying all the time. 

Every so often he asks us, ever so politely, to test him by asking him questions from his revision books. Questions like "what does ora pro nobis mean?" And other Latin phrases which he has to learn by heart. Does anyone know how to say, "Clear off!" in Latin?

Worse of all, since he has been here I have had to be very nice and very good indeed. I am not myself any more. 

My family have noticed and liked the transformation in me. They say I am a much nicer person. That's what a lack of a good drink does to you and endless hours of Christianity on TV.

Even the cat now likes me and sits on my lap purring. It's really too much. Oh ... to be able to sin again!

I went to confession the other day and I had nothing to tell our regular priest. Ever since we've had this trainee priest living with us I have been turning into a Saint. I have not done one thing wrong or bad for ages. Not one impure thought, not one biscuit or chocolate too many, in fact none at all. Not one greedy piece of cake or my favourite cheese. In fact I am losing weight as well as being saintly - maybe it's all those sins washing away.

Can YOU imagine what it would be like having a priest living with you? Seriously now. Think about it. How would it change your life? Would it change you for the better?

Another thought - Jesus is with you right now and every day. How does this affect the way you behave?

Father Ignatius and politics

 

There’s always a fine line, almost invisible, where a priest should get involved in politics or stand back and keep his nose out.

Father Ignatius was well aware of that, especially in this desolate town which had suffered more than most in the economic downturn, with unemployment higher than the national average and poverty affecting a large number of the population harsher than ever before.

The situation was exacerbated by the news of the closure of a local factory employing many of his parishioners. The workers and their families were devastated. The effects of the dismissals of employees would be felt by the whole local economy as their spending power is reduced. The unions were up in arms and encouraged strikes; which of course would solve nothing in the long run. Parishioners turned to Father Ignatius, perhaps hoping for Divine intervention and some sort of miracle to save their jobs.

Father Ignatius decided to address the matter head on, even though he risked being accused of playing politics. He stood up at the lectern on Sunday and said:

“I have often wondered whether as a priest I am a man of God, serving Him on this earth, or whether I am a man of politics, serving my community.

“Or perhaps a bit of both.

“I am well aware of the difficulties facing many of you by the factory closure announced this week. I know full well the extent of hardship which this community has undergone in the past few years.

“One of you said to me the other day that life is a series of failures punctuated by disappointments.

“I repeat … a series of failures punctuated by disappointments.

“Is this what God wants for you?

“Does He want to see you struggle and fail and to endure life every inch of the way until death relieves you of your suffering?

“I think not.

“God wants us to enjoy life as best we can; as simply we can … even in our poverty, our ill-health, or old age … God wants us to rejoice and find a glimmer of hope in every situation … for without hope there is nothing.

“I have asked myself what God wants me to do in this situation. Am I to get involved in politics and speak out about decisions taken by those in authority? Or should I keep quiet and try to help you as best I can on an individual basis?

“Jesus faced a similar dilemma when asked about paying taxes. He did not hesitate to state clearly His opinions on the matter. Christ lived in very political times. His country was occupied by the Romans. Several people saw Him as a new ruler come to overthrow their oppressors. The Pharisees and Sadducees saw Him as a threat to their positions and authority. Yet, He was not afraid to speak out, especially when He saw wrongdoings and evil in society.

“I believe that today there are times when a priest must speak out when he sees something wrong contradicting God’s Word and His teachings. Like abortion for instance and Government’s legislation on the matter.

“It would be remiss in such situations for a priest to say nothing and look the other way.

“I believe the financial situation we are all facing has now gone beyond party politics. There seems to be no right or wrong answer in sight, at least not to me, a simpleton in these matters.

“The factory closure will affect many of you and I cannot add much to the debate by pious statements and opinions. But at the very least, I offer my services in any way possible … perhaps as a start, by calling a meeting here at the church centre on Monday for all parishioners affected … let us discuss calmly the various issues facing us and see whether there’s anything we can do …”

And that’s precisely what happened. The meeting clarified the extent of the problem. Father Ignatius led a small team of employees to seek a solution and, to cut a long story short, together with his contacts in town with several banks, he managed to put together an employee-led buy-out by some workers backed by financial loans from the banks.

The factory was saved, some but not all jobs were saved, and the newly born business took the first faltering steps towards a promising future.

Father Ignatius’ tentative steps in getting involved in local politics were rewarded with success; small as it may be. Not by anything he had done, but by his unfailing Faith that he would be led by the Holy Spirit to say and do what is right. 

MORE FATHER IGNATIUS STORIES HERE

Distant God

 

It was Good Friday, about nine in the evening, as Father Ignatius settled down in his armchair by the fire. It was still cold for this time of year and snowing yet again. He put a couple of logs on the open fire and picked up a book to read.

Moments later Mrs Davenport, the housekeeper, entered the large living room and announced that Geoff Henderson had just called in and was waiting in the reception room.

“Oh let him in …” said Father Ignatius standing up to greet his visitor.

Geoff Henderson was an architect and he had brought with him some plans to discuss some alterations to the Parish Hall and the area behind the garage. After their discussions were over the priest said:

“How are you these days Geoff? I haven’t seen you in church for a while now!”

Geoff hesitated as he gathered his papers together and sipped a little coffee.

“To be honest Father …” he said finally, “I’ve been rather busy lately …”

“Too busy to go to church?” asked Father Ignatius.

“Well … actually, I feel that God is distant these days …” confessed the architect standing up to leave.

At that point Canis the dog, who was lying by the fire, yawned heavily as he made himself more comfortable.

“That’s not a comment on what you’ve just said,” joked the priest, “sit down Geoff if you have a minute to spare.”

The architect sat down again.

“This dog and I have a special relationship,” said Father Ignatius, “when I take him for a walk in the park I sometimes let him off the lead. He runs away like mad here there and everywhere in no particular direction. He is free and he’ll go where he wants. Sometimes he is quite far away. It is he who has distanced himself from me Geoff; and not the other way round.

“Do you see what I mean?”

“Yes … I do … I suppose it is me who’s distanced myself from God,” replied the architect, “but I suppose it is because I no longer see Him as relevant in my life.”

“I wonder whether Canis sees me as relevant in his life?” asked the priest, “the other day I was cleaning the back garden and he looked at me as if to say ‘I like this … I poo wherever I want and you get to pick it up … that’s a special relationship all right!’ ”

Geoff smiled.

“And what’s more …” continued the priest, “he seems to be absolutely useless. He is certainly no guard dog. If we were to have a burglar in the house he would probably show him where I’ve hidden my stash of chocolates.

“The other day he came face to face with a cat in the back garden. He stood still like a statue. Then turned his head towards me expecting me to run and bark after the cat.

“I did not move. The cat started to panic and run but then stopped in total confusion and looked at the dog.

“Canis looked at me and then at the cat once or twice, and then he whined and ran inside the house to hide in his bed.”

Geoff chuckled quietly.

“But I like him Geoff,” said the priest, “and I wouldn’t part with him. And he seems to like me.

“Do you know … I think God likes you. In fact I know He loves you for sure, because He said so, many times in the Bible.

“I suspect you’re off the lead now and you’re running successfully all over the place. You don’t need God really … you have a great business, a lovely car which I must admit I envy, and a good life. No wonder He seems distant.

“But God is there all the same Geoff. Protecting you from more ills than you can imagine without you knowing it. All because He loves you.

“When you get the time, come and visit Him in church just to say Hello!”

Geoff said nothing.

“I don’t mean to be critical,” continued Father Ignatius gently, “we all get distanced from God at some stage or other in our lives Geoff.

“It would be wrong of me to see this happen to you and say nothing.

“Take one step at a time. Come to church on Sunday, and when you feel ready come to Confession. Or come again and see me for a quiet talk.

“You’ll find God will welcome you back in His loving arms like a father welcoming his prodigal son.

“You’re a good man Geoff deep down. I wouldn’t be doing business with you otherwise. I’ll be praying for you.”

“Thank you …” said Geoff quietly.

“I’ll be praying also that you won’t charge me too much for the building extension!” said Father Ignatius.

Have you ever ...

 

Have you ever been mistaken for a celebrity? A singer, or actor or sports personality?

I was once mistaken for a Hollywood actor - King Kong.

Here's what happened:

School play. I volunteered to help. Dealing with the curtains. Lights. Moving props. That sort of thing back stage.

The hall is full of excited parents and guests. Minutes to go before we start. The teacher/producer is in a panic. The person playing the part of King Kong was taken ill.

"Would you please take the part?" the teacher asked.

"Me ... of course not! I have work to do back stage."

"Someone else can do that. You fit the role perfectly. And the costume fits you. You're the same size as Geoff. You've seen him at rehearsals." she insisted.

"Definitely not! You won't make a monkey out of me!" I joked.

"The gorilla is central to the whole play. We can't go on without it. Please! I'll be ever so grateful!"

Dammit ... why is it you women always get your own way? I can see it clearly now, in the garden of Eden. "Please ... taste the apple. It is delicious. If you taste it with me I'll be ever so grateful!"

"I'll be ever so grateful!" these words may well have sent many men to their doom. 

I guess I played the role well. Hunched forwards and walking mostly by leaning on my arms like gorillas do. Grunting every now and then. The audience were taken by it. Some thought it was a real gorilla. It was a performance worthy of an Oscar if there was such a thing for school plays.

I played the role well and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

After my final on stage appearance, I went back stage to check on my wife who was pregnant at the time.

She said she was having the baby. She was sure of it. The contractions were more frequent.  

I had to rush her to the hospital. No time to change out of my costume. As we ran to the car park I heard her shout, "stop walking on your front arms like a demented ape!" 

As I drove as fast as the traffic regulations allow I noticed a police car behind me. He overtook and flagged me down to stop.

I thought he'd arrest me for being drunk in charge of a gorilla. You should have seen his face when he approached our car and I wound down the window. You should have seen his face again when I spoke to him!

I told him my wife was having a baby. He looked at the seat behind me as she let out a cry. He then looked at me and must have thought something strange. I could see it on his face. 

Anyway, he drove ahead clearing the way to the hospital. I was still in costume. I could not take it off because I was in a hurry to take my wife to Maternity Ward. 

About an hour or so later, the baby was born.

The nurse looked at the baby, then looked at me, then punched me in the face!

NOTE: That's the only time I will allow my photo to appear on this Blog or anywhere on the Internet.

A common fear

 

A lot of people have irrational fears of something or other. Spiders, the outdoors, confined spaces and so on.

I have a fear of heights. Some would say this is not irrational because falling from a height can be dangerous and fatal; but be that as it may. I have a fear of heights. Even wearing shoes with a slight high heel worries me. I never stand on tiptoes. I'm afraid if I do my head will hit the ceiling.

I went to see a hypnotist to cure me from my fear of heights. Her name is Dr Ellie Vator.

She gave me a handkerchief with some smelly substance to put on my nose and then she swung a watch on a chain in front of my eyes and talked softly. I soon fell asleep. 

When I woke up I was on top of the wardrobe. I panicked. She just sat there filing her nails and colouring them and asked me to get down. I was terrified. She shook the wardrobe and I fell crashing to the ground. She said that our next session will help me control my fear. "To conquer your fear you must control your fear!" she said in a fearful accent.

At the next session she put me to sleep again. I woke up on top of the Eiffel Tower. The following session after that I ended up on the Tower of Pisa. And then the Colosseum, the Parthenon and other places. 

It is costing me a fortune in travelling expenses getting back to London. Plus her expenses too coming with me, and charging for her services. She said she'd never had so many vacations. 

I think she was hypnotising me to continue to go to her for hypnotic sessions.

So now I go to another hypnotist to cure me from the compulsion of going to a hypnotist. Unfortunately his office is on the 20th floor of a block of offices. And I'm still afraid of heights.

I am looking for a hypnotist with an office on the ground floor or possibly in the cellar. I want him to cure me from my fear of heights and to stop me seeing hypnotists. 

Three steps to Peace

 

There are so many people who cannot achieve spiritual or personal peace because they feel that they have done something wrong, often a long time ago, and they cannot let go of the guilt. Let's see if these three steps can help:

FORGIVE: If you feel that you have been wronged then forgive the other person. If the person is no longer in contact then forgive them in your heart - truly forgive them. If they are dead then let the matter rest. They are now face-to-face with God and know their part, as well as yours, in the situation that happened. Just forgive them in your heart and let go.

SEEK FORGIVENESS: If the person is still around, and you are in anyway at fault, seek forgiveness. Whether it is given or not; at least seek forgiveness from the one you have hurt. And also seek forgiveness from God. Provided your repentance is genuine; He will forgive you.

FORGIVE YOURSELF: Once you sought, and received, forgiveness from God; then forgive yourself. You'd be surprised how many people hold on to the guilt and feel that they have not been forgiven and they cannot forgive themselves. To behave this way is wrong, and it is a sin in the eyes of God. By not forgiving yourself you are in effect implying that your standard of forgiveness is higher than that of God. Or that perhaps He was wrong to have forgiven you. How do you think He feels about that? If God has forgiven you, then you MUST forgive yourself and move on.

Happy Birthday

 

Our birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.

To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit.

A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just colour your choice differently and give you a little insight.

                  Example March 20, 1950
                  3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
                  1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
                  2 + 0 = 2
Keep going until you end up with a single digit number.
2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.

                   No 1 THE ORIGINATOR
                   No 2 THE PEACEMAKER
                   No 3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
                   No 4 THE CONSERVATIVE
                   No 5 THE NONCONFORMIST
                   No 6 THE ROMANTIC
                   No 7 THE INTELLECTUAL
                   No 8 THE BIG SHOT
                   No 9 THE PERFORMER

==============================================
             

1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills.

 
They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.

Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone.

Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship.

Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.

Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easy going. They start many things, but don't always see them through.

They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.

Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster.

4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard.

They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.

Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey.

5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, an enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation.

The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help.

They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.

Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.

7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7 's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves.

They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners.

They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what is not in the world at large.

Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana.

8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgement and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people They view people objectively.

They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss! They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.

Famous 8's: Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus.

9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous,
giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them.

They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood.

To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.

Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

Fear

Fear is a natural emotion. We all experience fear at one time or another in our lives. Fear can be a good thing at times because it  stops us from taking un-necessary risks. From being reckless and un-thoughtful in what you do.

But there are times when fear itself breeds more fear and grips us to the extent of ruling our lives.

Few of us are really immune to it.

The fear of losing our job and not being able to provide for our families. The fear of missing payments on our mortgage and losing our house. The fear of failure and being unable to work again. The fear of our very lives crumbling in front of our eyes.

The fear of a marriage breakdown. Infidelity. Divorce and its many heartaches. The tearing apart of a family. How it affects one's children. Separation. Costs. Access to children. Being no longer a part of their lives. The feeling of failure and betrayal.

The fear of growing old. Being alone. Especially at night. Forgotten with only one's memories for comfort. The fear of being unable to cope any more. The fear of losing control as others decide for you what is best. The fear that everyone you relied upon is now no longer there.

The fear of being ill. With no prospects of getting better. Relying on others and perhaps being a burden on family and friends. The fear of incapacity. The fear of being unable to make any decisions. The fear of being unable to afford treatment. The fear of un-ending pain.

The fear for others. Children. Grand-children. Other relatives or friends. How they are coping. How will they cope. The fear of the future and what it might bring. In an ever changing world, the very fear of opening a newspaper or seeing the news that something or other has happened that will adversely affect you or your loved ones.

Few of us can claim not to have experienced the real darkness of fear as it grips our minds, our imaginations and indeed our realities.

Because all these fears outlined above, and others besides not mentioned here, have actually happened to others and can very well happen to us.

One day we are living our lives happily and the next ... a quick change in circumstances can easily propel us into any of the fearful scenarios described above.

Christ taught us not to be afraid. That our God loves us. He cares for us. He will not let us perish. He is always by our side.

Yet ... these fearful events are real and have happened to others, those who love and obey God, and those who don't; and can so easily happen to us. So we feel, perhaps, that our fears are justified.

Until we consider, for a moment or two, how God feels about our so-called justified fears.

Isn't our fear, justified as it might be, a sign that we don't truly trust Him? A real profession of faith that, when it comes down to it, we don't really trust Him? Somehow, somewhere, in the back of our minds, we harbour that doubt, that worry, that when things will go bad for us, as they will inevitably be for some of us, we don't really trust Him enough to be by our side in our moment of need.

Now how do you think God feels about your lack of trust in Him?

We may not be able to help these fears when they attack our minds, perhaps sub-consciously, but we can fight against them with prayer. Real prayer. Through gritted teeth even. Admitting to God that we are fearful and yet, trying, through every fibre of our being to trust in Him, in His love and in His caring.

Fear will try to grip us all. It is how we handle it that is our salvation. And with His grace and help we will succeed.

FATHER FRANCIS MAPLE

Our Father

 

"Our Father who art in heaven....."

“Yes. How can I help you?”

”Hein? Who’s that?”

“You called Me. I’m listening …”

”I didn’t call anybody … I was just praying … The Lord’s Prayer! Our Father who art in Heaven …”

“That’s Me … Your Father in Heaven … now carry on praying …”

“Eh … Hallowed be Thy name …”

“Ha … Do you remember when you were very young you used to say ‘Harold be Thy name’? For a long time you were convinced my name is Harold; until someone put you right. What does it mean anyway … Hallowed be Thy name?”

“Eh … hmmm … does it mean you are Holy?”

“That’s right … carry on …”

“Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.”

“Hold it just there … Do you really mean what you just said?”

“Sure, of course I do …”

“Or do you mean ‘Thy will be done’ as long as it is what you want? Do you really accept My will all the time? Even when it’s not convenient for you, or when life gets a little difficult?”

“Well … sometimes when things get really bad I get very worried …”

“At least you’re honest. Remember this always; when things are really bad for you it is still My will. I allow it to happen but I never abandon you. I’m always close to you … all you have to do is trust Me.”

“Gee … thanks.”

“Carry on …”

“Give us this day our daily bread …”

“Let’s stop again … This means that I will provide for all your needs. It’s good of you to ask; but rest assured that I will always provide you with what you need. Go on with your prayer …”

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us …”

“Even your neighbour?”

“What?”

“You never forgave your neighbour after that argument you had a few days ago. In fact you still hope that you’ll get even some day …”

“But … but … You know it was his fault!”

“Of course it was … and he did apologise. But unless you truly forgive him, you truly no longer hold a grudge and have no ill-will or ill-feelings towards him; it doesn’t count does it?”

“That’s not always easy …”

“I agree … But true forgiveness means that you no longer wish any retribution or revenge against those who have hurt you. Sure, you’ll always remember the wrong done to you, but let that be a reminder to forgive them once again and to pray for them.”

“Can I go on now?”

“Yes!”

“And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil.”

“This bit is a reminder that Satan is always there trying to take you away from Me. He tried to tempt My only Son Jesus, so you’re not going to be much of a challenge to him. Whenever he tries to lead you astray repeat those words over and again and I will come to your help.”

“Thank you …”

“It’s getting late; go to sleep now!” 

FATHER FRANCIS MAPLE WEBSITE 

Look at you

Look at you. You probably identify as a Christian. What does it mean?

You believe in God. An invisible living all-powerful being who, you claim, created the whole universe and what is in it. Including you and me. That's quite something to believe in.

You also believe that this invisible being sent His only Son to earth, and He died and was raised from the dead. Once more, that's quite something to believe in.

There's a lot of other things about God and Jesus that you believe in. 

But do you realise that you are in the minority? Most people in the world do not believe what you believe. In this secular world people believe that we are creatures like all others, definitely more advanced in evolution, and yet like all living beings when we die it means the end. We no longer exist. No Heaven, no hell, no God, Jesus and all the things you believe in.

That's quite a contrast between their beliefs and yours. A difference which is growing ever wider as time goes by, and as those who believe like you become more alienated from the world, and are viewed with suspicion or even hatred and disdain. Persecuted even.

Christianity is in retreat in many lands and cultures. Probably not where you are ... yet.

What will it take to keep you from losing your faith?

I am praying that you don't.

Know your planet

 

OUR PLANET EARTH.

Earth is the third planet from the Sun and is the largest of the terrestrial planets. The Earth is the only planet in our solar system not to be named after a Greek or Roman deity. The Earth is the only known planet to support life - not necessarily intelligent life.

The Earth’s rotation is gradually slowing. This deceleration is happening almost imperceptibly, at approximately 17 milliseconds per hundred years. At this rate the Earth will one day stop totally and one half will be always daylight whilst the other half will be dark with all night parties 24/7. 

Earth has a powerful magnetic field. This phenomenon is caused by the nickel-iron core of the planet, coupled with its rapid rotation. This field protects the Earth from the effects of solar wind. Be careful if you take minerals tablets in your diet, especially iron, as you may get stuck to the Earth and unable to move. This happens a lot to people with a magnetic personality.

70% of the Earth’s surface is covered in water. When astronauts first went into the space, they looked back at the Earth with human eyes for the first time, and called our home the Blue Planet. And it’s no surprise. 70% of our planet is covered with oceans. So there is no need to add water or ice to your whisky. A large percentage of whisky and other drinks is water anyway.

Earth doesn’t take 24 hours to rotate on its axis. It’s actually 23 hours, 56 minutes and 4 seconds. This is the amount of time it takes for the Earth to completely rotate around its axis; astronomers call this a sidereal day. This is because the Earth is putting on weight and gets heavier each year and is slowing down. Very much like an overweight person takes longer to turn round when pirouetting.  

A year on Earth isn’t 365 days. It’s actually 365.2564 days. It’s this extra .2564 days that creates the need for leap years. That’s why we tack on an extra day in February every 4 years. On average, people born on 29 February don't necessarily live longer than the rest of us. 

The Earth is not actually round in shape. In fact, it is geoid. This simply means that the rounded shape has a slight bulge towards the equator. So what causes this geoid shape? This happens solely because the rotation of the Earth which causes the bulge around the equator. If, like me, you don't care about this; just ignore it and read on.

Only 3% water of the earth is fresh. The other 97% is salted. Of that 3%, over 2% is frozen in ice sheets and glaciers. Means less than 1% fresh water is found in lakes, rivers and underground. Save water - drink whisky neat!

The Earth tilts at roughly 66 degrees. So do I after a few whiskies.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The Earth's surface is 70% water. That water is un-carbonated. Therefore, the Earth is flat.

==============

What's the fastest liquid on earth? Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

============== 

Two aliens are flying near earth

The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."

============== 

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?"
 

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know Him! He's the greatest, isn't He? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".

Surprised, the Pope follows up with: "He visits every year?! It's been over two millennia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
 

 The alien sees that the Pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize. "Maybe He likes our chocolate better than yours?"
 

 The Pope retorts, "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
 

The alien says "Yea, when He first visited our planet we gave Him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys do?"

Doing my bit

 

There's so much talk these days about saving the environment, helping the planet, reducing our carbon footprint, plastic waste, global warming, climate change and similar slogans that mean very little to most people.

We did not have all this when we were young. The planet seemed able to look after itself without our interference. 

The other day I was in the library standing by the Natural History section reading a book. A man approached me and said, "Do you realise that whilst you've been standing here they have pulled down 25 square miles of rain forest?"

So I moved somewhere else. I don't want to be blamed for the deforestation of any forest. 

I sat at a table reading. The man next to me was reading a book on World Population. Apparently, there's over 8 billion of us. He was reading a chapter on births and deaths. He told me, "Do you know, every time I breath in and out a person dies." I suggested he uses a better mouthwash.

In my own minuscule way, I am doing my bit to save the planet.

I have now decided to wash only half of my car at a time. Some weeks I wash the left side, other weeks the right side of the car. I plan beforehand where I'll be parking my car and whether people on the side-walk will see the left or right side of the vehicle. I'm saving water, soap, and ultimately the planet.

I've also decided to stop adding ice or water in my whisky. I drink it neat saving more water.

I often look at people from on top of my spectacles to save wearing out the lenses.

I used to walk home following the route the bus would take from town in order to save money. Now I follow the route the taxi would have taken and save even more money.

When people ask me for help or favours I usually make an excuse and ignore them thus saving the energy it would take in doing what they want or need. My wife is particularly upset about this; but I ignore her for the sake of the planet.

So you see, all this saving the planet and the environment talk is good as far as I'm concerned because I can get away from doing a lot of chores. Like painting the fence and gate - I said let's save some paint and do the job in a year or so. Like mowing the lawn - let's save electricity and not use the lawnmower that often; how about doing it next month. Like visiting the in-laws - let's save some gas and do it next year.

If you put your mind to it there's a lot of jobs you can postpone and procrastinate on in the name of saving the planet! What do you think?

As I Quote Myself

... ... after the evening meal, my boss, a woman in her early thirties, went up to her room. Before she left the table she asked me discretely to follow her a few minutes later. She gave me a duplicate plastic card to use in that contraption which opens the hotel room door. She said she wanted to discuss my annual appraisal report.

I was hesitant at first. I sipped my coffee slowly to waste time and to gather enough courage to decide what to do. My boss was not one to argue with. When she said, “Jump” we replied, “How high”, rather than question her request – or should I say her command.

A few minutes later I entered her room and it was empty. I said loudly, "Hello ... anyone here?"

Her voice replied from the bathroom, "I'm in the shower. Come in!"

I was astounded and frightened at this request which, as I said earlier, sounded more like a command.

My boss had a certain reputation amongst the office gossip grapevine but I never quite believed it. It seemed that now was the time for me to sample such a reputation.

I did not know what to do, especially since my future career at this firm depended so much on her and her appraisal of me. I hesitated for a while.

"Get a move on," she cried impatiently from the bathroom, "I'm not going to wait all night!"

Those were her exact words; I still remember them clearly. She obviously meant business and my future life flashed in front of my eyes.

I was totally confused. I sought guidance from my abbreviated Catechism which I carried in my pocket but I could not find an answer in a hurry. They really should have a better index in those books.

I took off my jacket and put it on the back of the chair. Then I took off my shoes. I had a big hole in one of my socks!

Before I could go on any further she came out of the bathroom fully clothed and speaking on her cell-phone. Apparently you get a better reception in the shower than anywhere else in her hotel room.

"Why have you taken your shoes off?" she asked.

"I did not want to dirty the carpet!" I replied unconvincingly.

I wonder if she believed me. Fortunately I got a good annual appraisal although she did say I often get the wrong end of the stick.

 *******

AS I QUOTE MYSELF is not a biography of a famous celebrity, or other well known personality telling you how they made it good from extreme poverty to being as successful as they are today. Instead, these are the memoirs of someone you’ve probably never heard of, (unless you’re related to him), but yet with a story to tell.

A series of calamities and misfortunes with humourous outcomes which are sure to make you smile, if not laugh out loud. At least that’s what he hopes! AS I QUOTE MYSELF are the memoirs of no one in particular except the one from whose memories they originate.

*******

AMAZON REVIEWS

*****  Victor's imagination knows no bounds! Were I only to possess a kernel ... but will be content to applaud from the sidelines. Myra G.

*****  I was first introduced to Victor's work in the blogging world. I was so enamored with his great sense of humor, that I never hesitated when he announced this book on his blog, "Time for Reflections". It is so refreshing to read a humorous book filled with wit and humor without the need to spice it up with vulgar language or sexual undertones. Victor shows us, page after page, life is quite humorous -especially when you don't mind making yourself the brunt of the joke. An easy to read - delightful page turner - Victor has once again hit a home run with this little charmer! LJC.

*****  I did not know that as the author of this book I could leave a review; but I tell you folks, my memoirs made me laugh so much I had to write them sitting down. A book not to be missed especially if you are throwing it at someone. Makes an ideal Christmas or Birthday present to someone you don't like. A book with non-boomerang qualities. Will not return when thrown. The only book in the world written slowly to make it last longer. Not edible but can be grilled or barbecued safely. Victor S E Moubarak.

AVAILABLE FROM AMAZON in Paperback, Kindle version as well as Audiobook and Alexa.

AMAZON LINK HERE