Saturday 21 September 2019

I Confess


Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

It's been quite a while since my last confession ... I don't know how long ... I don't keep a diary of my Confessions. Let's say it was about six months or so since I confessed last.

Father ... is forgetting a sin? You know ... I half forgot deliberately. Partly I forgot but I was glad I forgot.

Let me explain. My mother-in-law phoned the other day and invited us to a concert at the old peoples' home where she was going to sing. And I almost deliberately forgot to tell my wife. Yes OK ... it was deliberate.

The thing is Father, I am sure you never heard my mother-in-law sing. She sounds like a constipated coyote. When she howls all of nature takes fright and cowers into submission.

I am not being un-charitable Father. In fact I was being charitable to my ear-drums.

Well ... yes of course my wife was very upset at my deliberate forgotteness. But as it happens there was another concert the day after and we had to go.

I put some cotton wool in my ears whilst mom-in-law sang ... I hope this is not also a sin? She then played the violin ... very badly I might add. It sounded as if that coyote was really in agony. She played the violin whilst walking up and down the stage. She said later that the piece of music she played was written for the bagpipes.

I also want to confess another sin, Father. Whilst the football game was on TV I took the batteries off the remote control so no one could change the channel to Downton Abbey. I told them the remote was broken.

Well, it was not such a selfish thing to do, Father because I was sparing them the agony of a whole hour of Downton Abbey. I mean ... have you seen that program? You have? And you like it? Oh boy ... I hope this will not affect my penance Father?

Yes ... I have one more sin to confess. It's the sin of vanity. No not me ... my neighbour. He is so vain and proud of his fish in his pond in his front garden. That's two sins Father, vanity and pride.

Yes I know I should be confessing my sins, not that of others. Well, to play a trick on my neighbour I kept buying other similar fishes from the pet shop and at night I put them in his pond. He got totally confused that his fishes were breeding so fast. I told him maybe they are Catholic. He was not amused, him being Church of England.

I know it's not funny Father ... well, it was at the time. No ... I have nothing more I can remember to confess. No ... I am not deliberately forgetting other sins ...

My penance ... what? A whole Rosary? That's too much Father. Can I share it with other people since it is they who led me to sin? I can't? Oh Father !!!

OK ... OK ... I'm going ... you don't need to add another penance for arguing with you.

12 comments:

  1. A constipated coyote? I nearly fell off my chair! (Note to self: Must remember to use that sometime.)
    No, I've never watched a single episode of Downton Abbey. Deliberately. :)

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    Replies
    1. To be fair, Mevely, Downton Abbey is not that bad. It is about some upper class family in England and their servants. I always fall asleep after the first ten minutes or so. You should try it when you can't sleep.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. I'm surprised the priest let you off so lightly! Lol!
    Blessings, Victor, and Happy Saturday!

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    Replies
    1. Martha, I don't consider what I did as being sins. As for Downton Abbey, I was sparing the family from an hour of boredom.

      Have a grand weekend. God bless you and yours.

      Delete
  3. "He got totally confused that his fishes were breeding so fast. I told him maybe they are Catholic."

    😂

    Hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Sandi, you know what we Catholics are like! We took "Go forth and multiply" too literally! What God meant was, "Learn your multiplication tables!"

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. You were lucky the priest didn't give you a long lecture about behavior, we got some of those. Those were the priests we avoided. :)

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    1. Yes I know ... in Olden Days priests had more time, or fewer sinners, so they could afford to give you a lecture in the Confessional. These days it's quick and short. Some of our priests even suggest if you only have venial, (small) sins you don't need to go to Confession. Only mortal sins. I ask you, do people these days know the difference between sins?

      God bless you, Bill.

      Delete
  5. The priest shouldn't have made you repent by saying one rosary Victor.This was at least a two rosary penance and maybe you should have had to polish the confessionals woodwork as an added insensitive to be a good boy :)

    God's Blessings ✝

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    1. But ... none of these were serious sins, Jan. You've obviously not heard my mother-in-law sing.

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. It's a good thing i am not the one hearing such a confession, i'd be laughing to hard to give a penance. Is laughing at these kinds of sins a sin?

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure if laughing is a sin, Mimi. But my priest said he looks forwards to my confessions.

      God bless you.

      Delete

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