Friday 20 September 2019

Psychiatrists Conference ...


Paul: Hello Henry ... haven't seen you since last year's Psychiatrists Conference in London ...

Henry: You mean the Looney Tunes Show as we used to call it?

Paul: Yes quite ... how are you getting on old boy?

Henry: Actually Paul ... I don't think I am really a psychiatrist?

Paul: Hein? What do you mean?

Henry: I don't feel I am cut out to be a psychiatrist.

Paul: What are you talking about? You went to college didn't you?

Henry: Yes ...

Paul: And you read about Freud and Jung and Oedipus Rex?

Henry: Is that the one about the dog?

Paul: No ... that's a different Rex.

Henry: I see ...

Paul: Never mind ... you can do joined-up writing that no one can read can't you?

Henry: Yes ...

Paul: And you are rude to your patients ... condescending and insulting?

Henry: I suppose ...

Paul: There you are then ... you're a psychiatrist, and a good one at that.

Henry: But ... I don't feel I am helping people ...

Paul: What's that got to do with it? The important thing is to earn good money. Keep the bank account full. You like top of the range big cars, a big house and a yacht don't you?

Henry: Yes ...

Paul: What's the problem then?

Henry: I really don't know how to help people with problems ...

Paul: It's easy ... everything has a basis on sex. If a woman says she is eating too much, you tell her she is afraid that she is no longer attractive and sexy. If a man is afraid of losing his job, tell him he is really afraid that he will no longer be seen as handsome and appealing to women.

Henry: But it isn't as simple as that ...

Paul: Of course it is ... The problem these days is that no one wants to accept responsibility for their failings. They all want a crutch to lean on and use as an excuse for failure. So you help them along by keeping them talking until their time is up and then charge them for it.

Henry: But what if they need help?

Paul: Get them to talk about their childhood ... that always helps. Were they happy as a child? Did their parents love them or not care? Were their parents over-protective or over-bearing? There's always something in everyone's background that would make them feel better if they face up to it and blame it for their real failure in life.

Henry: I see ... I think ...

Paul: Then once they have found an excuse for their problems you encourage them to get up, face the world, and do better. Simple ...

Henry: Thanks Paul ... I am glad we've had this little chat.

Paul: Don't mention it ... that will be £79 plus tax. I'll send you the bill.

22 comments:

  1. Caught me off guard. . .didn't expect that ending!! You do it every time, Have a grand weekend!!

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  2. Thanking my lucky stars I could never afford the services of a psychiatrist! The individual on the right (photo) even looks like an arrogant ***!

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    Replies
    1. I so love your sense of humour, Mevely. Keep smiling and stay healthy.

      God bless you.

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  3. Great punch line!!! Hit Henry right in his pocket book!!!
    Never expected that ending...loved it!

    God's Blessings ✝

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    Replies
    1. So happy I made you smile, Jan. God bless you always.

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  4. Replies
    1. Money ... the great incentive. God bless you and your family, Martha.

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  5. An ending that is probably common these days. Nice one, Victor.

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    1. Sadly you are right, Bill. God bless you my friend.

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  6. So that's how they do it! He should up his fees.

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  7. After all, you can't expect such excellent advice to be free. Heeheehee!

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    Replies
    1. And it was good advice ??? Was it not ???

      God bless you. Mimi.

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  8. Never been to a psychiatrist, I've been to therapists, they are the first step you take before getting a divorce, they are very important to the process as they explain why everything wrong with the marriage is your fault, then it makes sense when her lawyer finishes the job and takes you to the cleaners.

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    Replies
    1. I really love your great sense of humour, JoeH. You got that one right. Maybe I should write a post or two about lawyers. Although, on second thoughts, they might sue me.

      God bless you my friend.

      Delete
  9. "Henry: But ... I don't feel I am helping people ...

    Paul: What's that got to do with it? The important thing is to earn good money. Keep the bank account full. You like top of the range big cars, a big house and a yacht don't you?"


    This reminds me of a joke on the tv show Frasier. Niles tells Frasier that lawyers make the best patients. They never get better and they have tons of money.

    Haaa...

    Sad, though.

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    Replies
    1. Frasier was a brilliant show. They still show old episodes on British TV. It's still funny and fresh after all these years. Cheers too. They show some episodes every now and then.

      God bless, Sandi.

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  10. I didn't expect that ending!

    All the best Jan

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