Monday 9 September 2019

Silent Wives

I have just bought the latest satellite navigation system for my car. It is called, believe it or not, "Silent Wives".

The instructions in the manual explain: "This navigation system uses the latest technology and is as accurate as you would wish it to be. It is like having your wife sitting next to you and guiding you every inch of the way to your final destination. Your wife can now relax in silence as "Silent Wives" shows you the way!"

I used it a few moments ago and recorded what the female voice on the machine said:

"Drive down this road for 0.5 miles and then turn left into Market Street.

"You should be turning left into Market Street shortly.

"You are going a little fast in a built up area. Slow down.

"Watch out for that old lady crossing the road.

"You are too close to the parked cars.

"Turn left now ... left ...left ... not this left, the other left ... I mean right!

"You took that right turn too sharpish. Where did you learn to drive? The Clown School of Motoring?"

I tell you folks; this navigation system is the best. You should try it.

APOLOGIES to any lady readers. I hope you have a sense of humour.

18 comments:

  1. Yes, it's a good thing I do have a sense of humor, Victor. :) This is really clever and funny. Thanks for the chuckle today.
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you for forgiving me, Martha. The thought for this post just occurred to me so I wrote it without thinking.

      God bless you my friend.

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  2. Yes, Victor -- NOW that you've bought and installed this GPS thing in your car -- your wife never 'needs' to ride with you again! I sure hope that she has her own car. If not, I guess you'll just have to buy her one! Either that, or you'll have to have that 'contraption' removed from YOUR car!! :)

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    1. But ... but ... it is a realistic GPS system. Just like my wife. And it gives her the chance to rest her mouth a little!

      God bless, Suzanne.

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  3. I heard if you don't follow their directions, the voice can get a bit angry with you. I would probably yell back at the voice or throw it out. :)

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    1. Oh yes ... the GPS lady does get angry if you don't follow the directions. You should hear the bad language: "F this and F that ..." It's really terrible. At least my wife is polite when angry. She says, "Oh my word ... one is an idiot is not one?"

      God bless you, Bill.

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  4. I have a sense of humor and this was funny.
    I do hope that your wife has a good sense of humor, too :)

    God's Blessings ✝

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    1. It's good to have a sense of humour. It helps me get out of trouble.

      God bless you, Jan.

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  5. I've solved the problem of a nagging wife passenger. She does all the driving.

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  6. My hubby is going to love this! Well, to tell the truth, I do too!

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    1. Thank you Mevely for your sense of humour and support.

      God bless you.

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  7. Heeheehee! Excellent, now i can relax!

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  8. I liked cars when they were just cars! : )

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