Wednesday 2 June 2021

Go away and leave me in peace

Why is it that one thing happens after the other in a seemingly endless continuum into infinity with the express end result of irritating me? Why can't people leave me alone in peace?

It started this morning. Got an e-mail from one of those courier companies saying the item I bought on the Internet will be delivered today between 2:00 and 6:00. 

Great ... that's four hours that I have to sit and wait. Can't go out. Can't do any gardening in case they arrive and I don't hear the doorbell. Can't go climb Mount Everest, or visit the Seven Wonders of the World, or go to the bathroom or anything else in case they arrive in this four hours window. The rest of the family is out for the day, and I have to stay indoors and listen for the doorbell.

Eventually they deliver. Moments later they send another e-mail saying the item was delivered successfully. Surprisingly, they have a photo of me receiving the item on my doorstep. Obviouly, the courier holding his cell-phone took a photo of me at the time.

Is that legal? 

Let that be a lesson to all those people who open the door in the nude. It happened to me several times when I was a door-to-door salesman selling doors. Ladies used to open the door in all manners of nakedness. I may not have had a cell-phone at the time but my memory is still fresh! I keep it so!!!

Anyway, after the courier came and went, I got up the ladder to fix the smoke alarm which started going Beep ... Beep ... Beep ... indicating it was running out of power. As I was up there by the high ceiling the doorbell rang again. I was not expecting anyone. I ignored it. It rang again. I ignored it once more. There was a knock at the door. I tried to get down the ladder, missed a step, fell to the ground with the ladder on top of me.

The smoke alarm fell down on my head and rolled under a cupboard still going Beep ... Beep ... Beep ... I was dazed for a moment or two. The sound of the alarm upset the dog who came running in and licked my face. I hate that. What is it with dogs licking faces after they've licked their private parts? What if we humans did that? Can you imagine? Licking peoples' faces instead of a shake-hand?

As I lay there, the doorbell rang again. Then the phone rang. I tried to lift myself off the ground. My back really hurt. Then the cell-phone rang also. 

I ignored both and opened the door. It was an old friend of ours. Mrs Fulton. She is in her eighties. She brought some biscuits she had just baked. I hate her biscuits even more that being licked in the face by a dog. They are hard and no one likes them. Except the dog.

"Are you OK?" she asked, "I heard a loud noise ... were you in the shower?"

"No I wasn't," I growled with a smile, "why do you ask?"

"Because the last time I came you had an inflatable rubber ring in your hand and you were all wet!" she replied with a genuine smile. Unlike mine.

"The last time," I said a little calmly, "I had a rubber ring because I was out in the garden picking up toys and bits and pieces left after a party we just had. I was wet because in order to answer the door quickly I slipped and fell into a paddling pool!"

"I heard a loud noise," she said, "it sounded as if someone fell off a ladder. Was that you?"

"Yes ... it was," I said politely, "I make it a habit to jump off ladders whenever someone rings the doorbell. I'd been up there hours waiting for someone to call."

"I also phoned you," she continued having missed my sarcasm, "both on your home phone and your cell-phone. I also wrote you a note. Here it is. It says: Are you all right? I was going to post it through the letter box and call again tomorrow!"

That is typical of her demented albeit well-meaning brain. Post a letter asking if the person is OK and call again the next day. In the meantime I could be lying there on the ground having my face licked by an equally stupid dog.

I thanked her for the biscuits. Hugged her and kissed her on both cheeks and sent her away happy for her good deed.

The dog enjoyed the biscuits then licked himself clean.

24 comments:

  1. ...I need my own space!

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  2. I was grumbling about this very thing the other day: Not only do I have a card to remind me of appointments, doctors offices have taken to sending texts, emails - and most recently a voice mail - all asking me to confirm, yes. I will be there already.
    Your neighbor? As we say in the South, "Well, bless her heart."

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    1. What I got annoyed about is that, having delivered the item, he took a photo of me on his cell-phone. I thought he was checking name and address or something relating to the delivery. Not taking a photo which he then sent me by e-mail.

      Friendly neighbours are OK; until they bake you biscuits.

      God bless, Mevely.

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  3. Certainly, she is a well meaning neighbor, and at least the dog will eat her biscuits. Things could be worse!
    Blessings, Victor!

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    1. I agree Martha. Things could be worse. She could have baked a cake. Or a pie. Or ... It's just that she arrived when I was up a ladder and she caused my fall.

      God bless you.

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  4. I like your dog! I am debating whether I was better off suffering in the woods alone or living with humans who mumble making me say, WHAT? HUH? etc. I really thought I would like the woods better! LOL
    Good read
    Sherry & jack smiling across the miles.

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    1. At least in the woods you do not have people like Mrs Fulton chasing you with a plate of biscuits.

      So glad you're home and OK. Keep smiling and keep away from licking dogs.

      God bless Jack and Sherry.

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  5. I hope you have recovered from your fall off the ladder. As for your sweet neighbor, I appreciate your kind attentiveness toward her. We all will be old someday. and if we are lucky. maybe someone will treat us kindly. I totally agree with you and the dog licking your face thingy. It isn’t going to happen to this girl. Many blessings.

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    1. Yes I do treat this lady, and other old folks, kindly. But I do so hate being licked in the face - by man or beast.

      God bless, Nells.

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  6. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, at least you still got a face! Even after a few nose dives...
    Such a sweet and well meaning neighbor. Wonder what you still would accomplish being at here age?
    Dogs are the most caring and loving pets and IF taught properly at a young age, they don't use your face as an after-business thing...! My Dachshund Mauzie-girl never did.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. When I get to her age, I hope to cycle with dolphins. If we can learn to swim I don't see why they can't learn to cycle.

      At least a dachshund is a small dog. Try stopping a great Dane or an Alsatian from licking you. My dog is bigger than me and takes me out for a walk.

      God bless, Mariette.

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    2. But he got ears too; they listen and LEARN!

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    3. The great Dane only understands Danish, and the Alsatian only German. When I speak to them in English they just laugh at me. I am being ignored in my own house by my dogs. Even my wife does not understand me. She is Greek! (I think - when she speaks it is all Greek to me ... or double Dutch).

      God bless.

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  7. A nice older woman who seems to show up at the wrong time bringing the wrong things. :)

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    1. Got it right, Bill. She is nice, but not her timing. Her biscuits are awful though. No sugar.

      God bless.

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  8. Sometimes we just get too many unnecessary reminders!!
    Seems crazy to get a picture of getting your own package.!!

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    1. Yes, I am really upset and concerned about that. The courier took a photo without me knowing it. What if I had someone else in the house who opened the door for me? They'd be photographed and no doubt embarrassed at being here ... etc ...

      God bless, Happyone.

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  9. The courier companies may have to take those photos now for their own protection. Too many people saying they didn't get a package when in fact it was delivered. The honest people have to pay for what the dishonest do, and it's sad.

    It's also sad that you fell off the ladder, and i hope you got the battery in the smoke alarm changed. Those things are enough to make you want to do something desperate to make the noise stop.

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    1. You are right on both subjects, Mimi. I understand they take photos as evidence of delivery. I feel somehow people should be told of this. It could be embarrassing in certain cases ... you understand what I mean.

      Also, the smoke alarms can be a pain when you don't know which one is "bleeping". I understand there are new ones with fitted batteries that last 10 years. Expensive though.

      God bless.

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  10. Words of wisdom!

    "...Let that be a lesson to all those people who open the door in the nude...." - - - particularly pertinent for persons living in Minnesota, during winter.

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    1. WHAT? They open the door naked in winter. I'd like a photo of that!!!

      God bless, Brian.

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