Monday 7 June 2021

What's going on around here?

 

There's just so many things happening at once right now that I cannot make out what is real and what is not any more. For the past year there has been a lot of building work throughout town. Wherever you go there are people digging roads, building walls, with big cranes lifting heavy things and workers everywhere.

Now they have finished they have announced that they have built the biggest supermarket in the world. Can you imagine that? The biggest supermarket in the world. It covers many square miles apparently. So big that the whole town is now inside the supermarket.

They have changed our address from Acacia Avenue to Frozen Food Aisle. I objected to this and said I'd prefer something more classy like Wine World Corner. They said to go there I need to take the Number 6 bus. 

The other day I drove to Pizza Place and parked the car whilst I did my shopping. As I left I accidentally reversed the car instead of moving forwards. I heard a crash and looking in my rear view mirror I saw a ladder crashing to the ground with a loud noise. 

I got out the car and discovered that a woman cleaning the windows of her house at the time was hanging there from her window. She was wedged somehow and could not get in her house. I said I'd help her down but discovered the ladder was broken. She kept shouting, "Don't look up ... Don't look up ..." being more concerned about her modesty rather than her safety. 

I had to drive to Hardware Highway to get another ladder to save her from falling to her death from embarrassment. By the time I got back, half-an-hour later, she had managed to slide into her house from the window.

I don't know about you, but I am getting rather restless and irritable these days. I went to the doctor and he suggested I take up fencing to help me relax. I did this and the neighbours say they will call the police unless I put them back. 

To be honest, I am getting very miserable for one reason or another. So miserable that even my pet rock has ran away and left me.

The other day I went for an eye test and the optician discovered I was colour blind. No one had ever told me this before. The news just came right out of the purple.  

To make matters more miserable, a friend of mine who works at the supermarket as a check-out girl has told me she has just resigned to become an archaeologist. Her career now lies in ruins!

At the gym they installed a brand new machine. I used it for about an hour and then I got violently sick. It's a great machine though dispensing Mars bars, M&Ms, Milky Ways and other goodies.

The manager of the gym suggested I take up jogging in preparation for the marathon around town, which is inside the supermarket. I never thought I was the type of person to wake up early each morning to run around town. It turns out I was right! I gave up at the Ice Cream Counter.

Whilst at the Ice Cream Counter I talked to a friend of mine who told me that Old McDonald, the farmer, recently married a young bride of 25. After only six months of marriage he divorced her because he couldn't keep his hands off her. He has now fired his hands and bought himself a combine harvester instead.  

Whilst at the supermarket I moved on to the Pet Centre to buy some dog food. I met a friend there who told me she was allergic to her cat's fur. She was there to exchange it for another cat. 

She told me that her neighbour, an elderly man, must have got a new dog as a pet. She said that the old man named his dog something peculiar because all day he shouted out the window, "Help ... Help ... Help ..." He must have found him because after a while he stopped calling.

Anyway, that's all for now. I am number 127 in the queue to pay for my shopping. This supermarket is so big that by the time I find my car the bananas I bought will have ripened and be ready to eat.

23 comments:

  1. Be careful around Wine World Corner, lots of tipsy drivers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, that would definitely be the case.

      God bless, JoeH.

      Delete
  2. What a concept! A SUPERmarket, for sure. Actually, I love the possibilities.

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    Replies
    1. Can you imagine? The whole town is a supermarket and people come from elsewhere to visit your town.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  3. I'm so used to shopping in small markets now that even Tesco seems huge. I used to go to it all the time but we don't live near one now. I feel lost in there. :)

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    Replies
    1. You're right, Bill. Some supermarkets are enormous and they take business away from the small traders.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. I don't even want to think about a supermarket that large, Victor! However, I would hang out at Wine World any day. :)
    Blessings!

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    Replies
    1. Can you imagine all the wines of the world in one aisle? Beer too!

      God bless, Martha.

      Delete
  5. Dearest Victor,
    Well, it can be mind boggling how vast certain stores do become and one wonders for what?!
    It is an endless game to play with words and their often multiple meaning.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I often try to get words with double meanings in my writings. It's the wine that does it for me!

      God bless, Mariette.

      Delete
  6. Enjoyed the wit my friend, my favorite was:
    ....she has just resigned to become an archaeologist. Her career now lies in ruins!
    Love it.
    Take care keep up the smile makers.
    Sherry & jack on this side.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad I made you both smile, Jack.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  7. Some of those stores really are huge and it seems you walk miles and miles before you find what you came in for, if you ever do! :)

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    1. That's right, Happyone. I went in to buy someone a wedding card. By the time I found the cards counter she'd been married and had children.

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. Some stores are just so big ...
    I much prefer a smaller store.

    All the best Jan

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  9. I don’t care for mega stores. One never seems to get to the right isle in them. Walking in a large store is good exercise. They are beneficial, in that way, as they are cooled and heated. You never have to argue with the outside temperature. Blessings.

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    Replies
    1. Yes I agree Nells. One can walk long distances within these big stores.

      God bless.

      Delete
  10. Mercy, but i think i would want a small cart to tootle around in if i had to shop at such a large market!

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    Replies
    1. Indeed. Motorised carts driving everywhere.

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete
  11. Things MUST be bad if your pet rock left you. I've never known one to do that before. And there's a lesson there to always wear long pants when window washing. If I was working the checkout you would be through before your bananas are ready to eat. I've been known to process a full trolley in 3 minutes, including packing the bags.

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    Replies
    1. Some supermarkets now allow you to process your own shopping yourself and pay for it. No need for long checkout queues.

      God bless, River.

      Delete

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