Friday 22 July 2022

Funny Bones - Humerus


I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

There is no key to a woman's heart. There's only a password that changes regularly.

Just discovered why they lock gas station toilets? They’re afraid someone will clean them?

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law.

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

I’ve been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbours keep demanding that I put it back.

Do mascara and lipstick ever argue? Sure, but then they make-up.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22mph. He thinks to himself, “this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So, he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!” The old woman says proudly.

The State Police Officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error. 

“But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” said the officer.

The old lady replied, “Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”


  1. HaHa! Very good Victor...One or two reminded me...
    I went out with girl once, she was quite large, in fact
    she was so matter where you were in the were sat next to her..! :)

    How do you get four elephants in a car...?
    Two in the front..two in the back...
    How do you get four giraffe in a car..?
    You can''s full of elephants..! :).

    The seven dwarfs asked Snow White if they
    could sleep with her..?
    "Certainly not..what do you think l am" she said,
    "Oh! Please Snow White, please" "No, go away
    and leave me alone"
    So they ALL felt Grumpy..! :).

    And..One of my favourites...
    What did the bra say to the hat...
    "You go on ahead..l'll give these two a lift".

    That's it..10~4 over and out...second lemon tea
    coming up....!
    And the lord said unto Moses..come forth..come
    forth..he came fifth and lost his beer money..! :O).
    🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺

    1. Enjoy your lemon tea, Willie. And keep making people laugh.

      God bless.

  2. ...I HATE passwords! Oh and yes, combination locks too!

    1. So many passwords for so many different programs, accounts, cell-phones, websites and so on.

      I wonder what is the password to enter Heaven.

      God bless, Tom.


    2. Heaven is password-protected, you need a key to get it. We are told multiple times in the Bible what this password is. This password is how we will be saved....
      So the password is....Jesus..!

    3. So well said, Willie. Thank you.

      God bless.

  3. Thanks again for the smiles, and some belly laughs. BUT from experience this is a FACT!.... The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ;-(

    1. That is a well proven fact, Jack. Why is it that women remember their birthdays but never their age?

      God bless you and Sherry.

  4. You're batting 1000 in the humor department, Victor!

    1. I'm so pleased you liked my offering today, Martha. Thanx.

      God bless you and yours.

  5. LOL, woman driving 22 was hilarious

    1. Yes, it's a good one, I'll admit. Keep smiling my friend.

      God bless, Bill.

  6. Hahahaha! These keep getting better and better. I hope you enjoy writing them as much as I do reading!

    1. I am so glad you are enjoying my humour, Mevely. I find that writing these, and reading them afterwards, cheer me up. For some reason, I cannot read at the same time as I am writing.

      God bless always.

  7. Hahahaha
    A good selection, thanks Victor.

    All the best Jan

  8. Thanks for making me laugh. You came up with some good ones!!

    1. I'm so pleased they made you smile, Happyone.

      God bless.

  9. A lady i knew said one time her husband told her it would be nice if he could have breakfast in bed in the mornings, so when he woke up he found she'd put the toaster and a packet of toaster pastries on his nightstand.

    1. Brilliant. Now he can make some toast pastries for her too. How romantic.

      God bless, Mimi.

  10. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, love that very last one!!!
    Got pulled over by a State Trooper myself in Colorado yesterday. It did not end with a chuckle but I'm fine and so is Pieter who's sound asleep now.
    Soon you'll read about my journey...



God bless you.