Monday 11 July 2022

Reflections

 

Laxatives give you a good run for your money.

Wear glasses to math class, it improves divisions.

When I tried to grab the fog, I mist.

Before the crowbar was invented crows had to drink at home.

To some marriage is a word. To others it is a sentence.

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age shows up all by itself. 

Some people are wise. Some are otherwise.

My relationship with whisky is on the rocks.

Kleptomaniacs always take thinks literally. 

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty, but he had a great fall.

When you teach a wolf to meditate he becomes aware wolf.

Santa goes down the chimney because it soots him.

There was a huge fight at the local seafood diner. Battered fish everywhere.

I sued the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

Where there's a will there's a relative.

Happiness is getting home and finding there's still a bit of cheese in the mousetrap.

Happiness is when your dentist says it won't hurt, then he cuts his hand on the drill.

Why can't they put a snooze button on smoke alarms?

Coffee is not everyone's cup of tea.

At the department store I tried to buy a pink negligee for my wife. I picked up one and I asked the saleslady, "Is this satin?" She replied, "no, it's brand new!"

I went to see the doctor about a personal problem. He asked me, "How's your libido?" I replied, "I've sold that Italian car. Now I have a Toyota!"


27 comments:

  1. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall..Humpty Dumpty had a
    great fall..
    All the kings horses and all the kings men..had scrambled
    eggs for breakfast...! :).

    Georgie porgy pudd'in pie, kissed the girls and made
    them cry..when the boys came out to play, he kissed
    them as well, he was funny that way..! :).

    Phew! Busy! Busy! just got back from town..lots to do,
    bit of washing, ironing, and a dozen fresh mackerel
    to see to..my new neighbour went fishing yesterday
    morning at four, back home by eleven, so there nice
    and fresh...!

    Best get on then...Arrivederci...! :O).
    And from 1969.....

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79NiN7ISW7E
    🥂 🍾 ☃️ 🎊 🎉 😘 ❤ 🥂 🍾 ☃️ 🎊 🎉 😘

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have a great taste in music, Willie. What a wonderful song you chose.

      Have fun cooking the mackerel. Buon appetito.

      God bless always.

      Delete
  2. Dearest Victor,
    Those are hilarious ones and it is always good to play with words, to re–activate our brain!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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  3. Thanks for the smiles again. When I try to be witty it is embarrassing to my sweetheart!. ;-)

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    Replies
    1. No ... I'm sure you can share a joke with the rest of us, Jack.

      God bless you and Sherry.

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  4. Lots of truisms here! Thanks for brightening my day.

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    Replies
    1. It's so good to smile, Mevely. God bless you and yours always.

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  5. Replies
    1. It's a pleasure to make you smile, Debby.

      God bless.

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  6. LOL.a great line up of one liners. :)

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    Replies
    1. So glad I made you smile, Bill.

      God bless always.

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  7. I just read your post out to my husband, he had a good laugh Victor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's great ... I have one more fan.

      God bless you and your family, Brenda.

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  8. Fun to read all the funny one liners!! :)

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  9. Laugh of the day. They were all funny. Thanks. God bless.

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    Replies
    1. So happy I made you laugh, Nells. God bless you.

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  10. "Aware wolf"! That's especially good. Have a blessed and beautiful week!

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  11. Best one-liners ever, Victor!
    Blessings!

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