Tuesday 19 July 2022

I like crumpet

I like crumpet. For those who don't know what crumpet is, (or English griddle bread as it is sometimes known), it is a bread made with unsweetened batter of milk, or water, flour and yeast. It is bought as a small pancake about 3 inches in diameter and it has a lot of tiny holes in it made at the cooking/baking process as bubbles made by the yeast, (or bicarbonate of soda), try to escape.

They are normally sold in packets of six or twelve and you usually put them in the toaster to warm them up and then you spread butter on them which melts into the little holes. Some people spread honey instead, or strawberry jam, or even peanut butter or other favourite spreads which melt into the holes. 

They taste delicious hot with a nice cup of coffee or whatever is your favourite drink.

I have been studying crumpets. In fact I have a University Degree from an obscure un-named University specialising in crumpets, specifically their nutritional value, chewing bounce when you bite them, as well as bounce when they fall to the ground with and without a spreading of butter or whatever else they are spread with.

Did you know that when dropped with a spread of butter there is a 59% probability that the crumpet will land face down with the butter on the floor? Because cats always land on their feet, the University advises that you tie a crumpet on the back of a cat before dropping it (the crumpet) on the floor.

Did you also know that on average there are about 55 to 89 tiny holes on each crumpet, all spread haphazardly as there is no way of controlling how the air bubbles from the soda in the dough will escape as it is cooked.

I have gained a Post-Graduate Diploma in the speciality of bubbles on crumpets. There is indeed the possibility that tiny insects might enter one or more of these tiny holes on the crumpet surface; for example ants, termites or earwigs, and unbeknown to the user they might be baked alive when you put the crumpet in the toaster. They do not add any nutritional value whatsoever to the crumpet when eaten and only account for a tiny amount of protein to one's diet.

Also, dust may accumulate in the tiny holes if the crumpets are kept in a dusty atmosphere such as your back pocket as you happen to work in the garden, the garage, or on top of a crane which has not been vacuum cleaned recently. Also if you work as a cleaner at a zoo.

However, the most hazardous aspect of crumpets is that tiny people might fall into the holes and get stuck there until rescued by someone observant enough to notice them before smearing butter all over them.

In summary, crumpets are tasty but check each hole before you eat them.

24 comments:

  1. And they cost 80p~£1 in any supermarket...! :).

    So while you might consider English muffins a
    "British" bread, it's actually more common in the
    United States...In fact, you'll likely find them referred
    to as just Muffins..!

    And..A crumpet is a crumpet is a crumpet...But! When
    referred to a woman...it's a sexually attractive lady..! :).
    I'll say NO more...! :).
    😊 😊 😊 😊 Crumpets 😊 😊 😊 😊 😊 😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very tasty with butter or honey.

      God bless, Willie.

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    2. Yes! Or both...I'm very much a honey monster....
      I have a tea spoonful in my first green tea of the
      day with lemon...! :0)

      Delete
  2. ...I've heard of them, but don't know a thing about them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are probably called English muffins, or English griddle bread, in the US.

      God bless, Tom.

      Delete
  3. I've never had a crumpet, but they sound lovely.

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    Replies
    1. They are tasty, but watch out for little people hiding in the holes.

      God bless, Kathy.

      Delete
  4. I will have butter and jam on mine with a cup of coffee, thank you.

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    Replies
    1. Very tasty. That's the way I enjoy them too, Bill.

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. how bout scones or cream cookies on the plate, too! i'm feeling hungry right about now.

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    Replies
    1. Scones are best enjoyed with jam and clotted cream. A speciality in Devon and Cornwall.

      God bless, Linda.

      Delete
  6. I think I could like a crumpet if I met it on my plate. I like percentages. The buttered crumpet, % wise while being dropped is about the same as toast and strw berry jelly.
    I think I will actually look for pkg of crumpets over here, we may actually have them...
    Sherry & jack....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are usually enjoyed at breakfast and afternoon tea, especially in winter, because you have to warm them in the toaster. Enjoy.

      God bless, Jack and Sherry.

      Delete
  7. You had me at honey! I've seen those at the specialty grocers, but never indulged. The closest in our pantry are English muffins. Tom had those for supper last night with melted butter.

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    Replies
    1. Really tasty hot with melted butter. Or even peanut butter.

      God bless you & Tom, Mevely.

      Delete
  8. I've never had one but I'm sure I'd like them. Going to look up a recipe to make some.

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    Replies
    1. Good idea. Make your own. I understand it is easy, although I never tried.

      God bless, Happyone.

      Delete
  9. They are not all that common here and it's been a while since i had one and now i want a crumpet with tea. Maybe i can get them mailed in, and i promise to check for stamps that might fall in the holes from the mail.

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    Replies
    1. The postage stamps would cost more than the crumpets, I guess. But delicious all the same.

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete
  10. Dearest Victor,
    You are quite the 'Crumpeteur' and they look indeed magazine worthy!
    Sending you hugs,
    Mariette

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  11. I never knew what a crumpet was, but now I do. Thanks, Victor!

    ReplyDelete

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