Saturday, 16 July 2022

Little Balls

I've never been good at sports ... any sports. Although I did once score an ace, (hole in one), at a golf course in Scotland. I don't know how it happened. I hit this little ball with the stick they gave me, it flew in the air and landed inside the hole some twenty yards away. It was one of those miniature golf courses you get in parks. It was somewhere near Edinburgh as I recall ... the golf course ... as well as the hole of course.

For a while I tried to take the game seriously and practised at home with a broom stick in the garden. I read lots of books about golf and joined a local club and spent a lot of time there discussing golf in the club-house over a drink or more. I even played a few rounds to improve my game; but sadly it all led to some marital problems.

My wife started complaining that I was not paying much attention to her. I was becoming obsessed with golf instead. Then one day it all came to a head ... I remember it well ... It was very strange. It was about 11:30 at night one Christmas Eve when we're supposed to be happy and festive and peaceful with good-will towards each other. Then suddenly my wife shouted, "Golf ... Golf ... Golf ... That's all you speak about. That's all you do. Golf ... Always golf!"

I tell you. It was out of the blue, and I was startled out of my life. I never expected to see her on the golf course at that time of night. I was practising quietly and there she was. Shouting at the top of her voice.

Why are some women so unreasonable? I missed my shot completely ...

Anyway, I've been watching golf on TV. Let's face it, it is not much of a spectator sport is it? Not as exciting as football, or wrestling, basketball, baseball and other sports. With golf you all stand there quietly, one man hits the ball with a stick, the ball flies in the air so high you can't see where it lands anyway ... some people use binoculars to look at the sky ... then everybody walks for miles trying to find the ball and start all over again.

Golf is almost as boring as English cricket where the game can last for days and nobody wins.

So I thought of some ideas on how we can improve the game of golf. I have written to our local golf club suggesting some new ideas and I am waiting for their response. It's been some six months since I wrote, but the postal service can be so slow these days. 

I suggested that one improvement would be to tie the players' legs with a metal ball and chain. This will slow them down as they walk to find the ball and get them tired quicker and miss their shots. Also, some may trip and fall on their face adding comedic effect to the whole process.

Also, at a crucial time in the game, whilst the player is concentrating you could release a pack of dogs on the field which would run everywhere distracting the player and probably run away with the ball. That would be fun.

Or how about releasing a wild bear, or lion, or tiger which would wrestle the player? It would be a tame animal of course, but the player is not to know that is he?

For additional fun ... you know when the player can see a flag in the distance and he hits the ball towards it, because that's where the hole is? Well ... how about placing the flag somewhere where there is no hole, in a bunker perhaps, or in the lake ... The player will aim for the flag and then either find just a green patch of land, or the bunker or water.

You can also train special birds of prey, like falcons or eagles, to fly out of nowhere and snatch the ball whilst it's up in the air. That would be really exciting and it would combine the boring game of golf with the beauty and skill of falconry.

For additional fun the birds could fly low and take the spectators' hats or wigs from their heads. 

I'm sure you can think of many other improvements to the game of golf. Why not write-in to your local sports centres to see what they think?


  1. ...I have NEVER enjoyed sports, to me they are a waste of time.

    1. I tend to agree, Tom. At school I was never good at sports and hated having to take part.

      God bless always.

    2. I can see plenty of ideas here. IF I ever play golf again, I just might remember some distraction and drop the ball in a hole. (That is about the only way it will hapen for me.)
      G-courses scare me, I have lost a couple friends there.....

    3. My ideas would make the game more fun, Jack. Although I'll admit golf requires a lot of skill - which I never had.

      God bless you and yours.

  2. I'm with you Victor...Actually l'm not, l'm here at home,
    and your not, so l'm not really with you...only in your
    opinion of golf..I~HATE~GOLF..
    What about that Tiger Woods..he left the Open course
    in tears yesterday..idiot..he should play in the closed
    course..he certainly got caught some years back,
    he'd had nine..(9)..ex marital affairs, nine that they
    knew he certainly scored more than a hole
    in one...! :). He should have been kicked out the
    sport all together..! Horrible man...! :(.

    “Caddy, why do you keep looking at your watch?”
    asked the curious golfer.” It’s not a watch, sir. It’s
    a compass”..

    A funeral procession was driving by the golf course
    as a group was putting on the 18th green...
    Upon seeing the hearse, one of the players stopped
    and put his hat over his heart as the procession passed.
    “That was really a very nice gesture,” one of his buddies
    said. “Hey, it’s the least I could do. Sunday would have
    been our 35th wedding anniversary!”..

    And finally....
    A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked
    an interesting question…

    “Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?” She asked her instructor...

    “P-U-T-T is correct,” the instructor replied...

    “P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it...
    “P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the
    same thing.”
    🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️ 🏌️

    1. I tried playing golf and failed. Somehow, the stick never hit the ball. It must have been a short stick they gave me.

      God bless, Willie.

    2. Yes! I was given a half set of clubs many years ago daughter was only 30 odd years of the balls was attached to a long elastic
      band, then attached to a pushed the stick
      into the ground, placed the ball on a 'Tee' then hit
      it...the idea was for practice only, as you'd never
      loose a ball...l missed the first strike..swung a
      second one, hit the ball full on, off went the ball,
      the elastic and stick...gone forever..pack
      and my daughter went home..! HeHe! :(.

  3. Hubby really enjoys golf. It's a good sport in that people of all ages and skills can play together. YOu can't really say that of other sports. With senior, white, etc the various starting areas changing the distance. My daughter played on the school team and did well with it. I have never played beyond mini golf, but find it fun. I've had, a few holes in one, but not because of skill, it's just luck. The game does get people outside which is nice and some walk so they get exercise. I guess even if you use a cart you get some walking in which beats sitting on the barko lounger at home in front of the tv.

    1. I think it's probably that I was never good at golf - hence my dislike. Why can't they make the holes a littler larger - say 3 feet in diameter? And why is the field so uneven with lots of trees in the way? And sandpits and lakes. Dangerous if someone is lying on the sand on a sunny day and he gets hit by a ball ... or fore!!!

      God bless, Sandy.

  4. Oh Victor, I LOVE this post! I'm thinking your suggestions would certainly improve the televised ratings.
    On several occasions -- for all the wrong reasons -- I tried learning to golf, to no avail. My attempts gave 'handicap' a whole new meaning. Fortunately, I came to the conclusion if my play had any bearing on how much I was liked, I didn't need it -- or THEM.

    1. I always thought handicap were the little caps they wear on their heads. Took me ages to find one in nice bright colour with a slogan. Eventually, I just wrote my name on it with a Biro pen.

      It would be fun watching on TV a golf player chased by a bear or a pack of dogs. Even funnier if he had a metal ball and chain tied to his leg. Why do people take golf so seriously?

      God bless, Mevely.

  5. Never watched or played golf, like you said, it's boring. Thanks for your concern with your comment, I appreciate it. I had to go check out a place that just got listed. It was in a different town and I didn't have internet access. Our lease is up in two weeks and we have been looking to move so hopefully we might get this place. It's a small apartment that overlooks a river, which we love. Enjoy your evening, my friend.

    1. Praise the Lord you and yours are well. Praying you are successful in getting this place you like.

      God bless you and your family, Bill.

  6. We do enjoy watching the golf, and Rory McIlroy played so well today :)

    Happy weekend wishes.

    All the best Jan

    1. Hi Jan,

      I'll admit that there's a lot of skill in golf. Perhaps because I lack such skills that I never liked the sport; but then, I am bad at all sports.

      Best wishes and God bless.

  7. I tried playing golf when we lived in Scotland. My mom was visiting us and all three of us went to play golf. Oh boy what a day. I'll have to write a post about it!! :)

    1. Yes Happyone. Please share your experiences with us. I remember in Scotland there's a road that crosses a golf course. As you drive there are signs saying watch out for golf balls.

      God bless.

  8. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, you wrote down some excellent pointers as how to improve this game.
    Never played it and as Pieter often replied, maybe next life but this life never allowed us to find the time for 'little balls'...

    1. It seems to me to be such a pointless game hitting a ball into a hole!

      God bless, Mariette.

  9. My take? If you don't like a sport, stay away from it, but don't spoil the joy of others who like to be a spectator. They might not appreciate that you have a taste for pickles or simply watching the grass grow, but to each, his own!
    Blessings, Victor!

    1. Are you a golf player, Martha? Or a spectator? Do you attend matches as a spectator? Maybe I should too to appreciate the game more. I could make new friends by sharing pickled onions with them. In fact, that's a thought ... why don't they have people selling popcorn, sweets, drinks and other things at golf tournaments ... like they do in baseball and other sports?

      God bless.

  10. Victor, I came to a conclusion about your, “bored with Golf dilemma.” Stay away from the golf course lest your shenanigans get you in a heap of trouble. Those golfer types take that game very seriously. Lol! Have a good weekend.

    1. Yes ... they do take the game seriously. Perhaps more so than other sports. I just had another great idea ... why not (secretly) dip the end of the golf club/stick in strong glue. When the player hits the ball it will stick to the club and he'll take ages looking for it. Hilarious!!!

      God bless, Nells.

  11. It's quite surprising they haven't commented yet, maybe they are trying out your ideas, experimenting, in a different location to see how it all works out before introducing the new rules. You never know.

    1. You're probably right, Mimi. Our golf club can be slow.

      God bless.



God bless you.