Monday 4 April 2022

The NEW Commandments for Seniors

 


1 – Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.


2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.


3 – You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.


4 – Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.


5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."

 

6 - "On time" is when you get there.


7 – It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.


8 – Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.


9 – You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.

10 - One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.


 AND THERE'S MORE ...

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

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A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house.
He got the outside.

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Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them.

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Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

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My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.

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Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.

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Our son asked his mother what it's like to be married so she told him to leave her alone and when he did, she asked him why he was ignoring her.

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This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.

26 comments:

  1. Oh! Let's have a few more...

    When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say
    "nothing," it does not mean I am free..
    It means I am doing nothing..

    I finally got eight hours of sleep..
    It took me three days, but whatever..

    I run like the winded..

    I hate when a couple argues in public,
    and I missed the beginning and don't know
    whose side I'm on..

    When someone asks what I did over the weekend,
    I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

    When you do squats, are your knees supposed
    to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum
    can stuffed with celery?

    I don't mean to interrupt people..
    I just randomly remember things and get
    really excited..

    When I ask for directions, please don't use
    words like "east."

    Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes..
    That would be boring..Spend 30 seconds in my
    head..
    That'll freak you right out..! :).
    🎄 🎅 🎁 🎄 🎅 🎁 🎅 🎁 🎅 🎁

    ReplyDelete
  2. These are side-splitting, Victor! Thanks for a needed dose of humor today.
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dearest Victor,
    That is a lot of good humor for a Monday!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A good start of the week, Mariette.

      God bless always.

      Delete
  4. #10 is a fact... And I did smile at this: ....
    He got the outside........
    Good stuff ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I made you smile once again Jack and Sherry.

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. LOL, great way to kick off a new week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laughter should be a daily dose for all of us.

      God bless you, Bill.

      Delete
  6. Once again, I'm cracking up. Wondering if I haven't served as the inspiration for several of these......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My task here is to make people laugh. I'm happy to be succeeding a little.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  7. I think this is applicable to me too though I'm not a senior yet. Especially #3. Lol!

    ReplyDelete
  8. The older i get the more i realize you should never pass up the opportunity to take a nap or use the facilities.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as you don't nap in the facilities!

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete
  9. These are all funny, thanks for the giggles. I really like the ten senior points.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what we need in life as we grow older.

      God bless, River.

      Delete
  10. Hi Victor, I particularly like the one about the password, you are very clever in that way of thinking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's good to laugh, Brenda. It cheers me up.

      God bless you.

      Delete
    2. Laughter is good for people, especially in these times. God bless.

      Delete

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