The NEW Commandments for Seniors

 

1 – Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.

2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.

3 – You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.

4 – Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."

 

6 - "On time" is when you get there.

7 – It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.

8 – Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

9 – You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.

10 - One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.

 AND THERE'S MORE ...

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

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A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house.
He got the outside.

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Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them.

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Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

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My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.

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Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.

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Our son asked his mother what it's like to be married so she told him to leave her alone and when he did, she asked him why he was ignoring her.

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This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.