Monday 20 June 2022

Share a smile


I was rubbing an old lamp earlier when a genie popped out and granted me a wish.

I asked him to make me irresistible to all women. He turned me into a pair of shoes.

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a pound. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house.

After finishing our Chinese food, my wife and I cracked open our fortune cookies.

Hers read, “Be quiet for a little while.”

Mine read, “Talk while you have a chance.”


Peter worked at the Natural History Museum in London when one day a lady asked him how old the dinosaur skeleton was.

“It’s 65 million years and six months old,” he told her.

“How can you be so precise?” the lady replied.

“Because it was 65 million years old when I started here, and I’ve worked here for six months,” he replied.


A woman stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So, you must be the person who took our phone book." 


Our elderly neighbour has been married and divorced multiple times?

We call him, ‘Lord of the Rings.’

I was really struggling to get my wife’s attention. So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.



  1. ...keep smiling, it good for you!

    1. Yes that's true, Tom. Although the other day a man approached me in the pub and threatened me with, "What are you smiling at?"

      God bless.

  2. Best join in l suppose...
    The Genie and the Presidents...
    George Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump found a magical lamp, and a Genie came out...

    "I will grant each of you one wish," said the Genie, "If you can tell me one true fact about yourself. If your statement is false, then you will die."

    George Bush thought for a moment, and said, "I think I was the best President of the United States."

    The Genie shook his head. "No, that is not true," and suddenly, George Bush died...

    Then it was Obama's turn. "I think as President, I have contributed the most to civil rights in America," he said.

    The Genie shook his head again. "No, that is also not true," and suddenly, Obama died...

    Finally it was Trump's turn. With all his confidence, Trump declared, "I think..." and suddenly, Trump died...
    Some Fortune Cookie saying....
    You are not illiterate.
    May you someday be carbon neutral.
    You have rice in your teeth.
    Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Lucky numbers:~
    12, 15, 23, 28, 37.
    Ask your mom instead of a cookie.
    This cookie contains 117 calories.
    Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
    You think it’s a secret, but they know.
    If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
    Change is inevitable, except for vending machines.
    Don’t eat the paper...
    What do librarians say when someone needs to contact them?
    Page me if you need me...

    How did the librarian slip and fall?
    She was working in the non-friction section...

    What book do most librarians take home to read to
    their cats?
    'The Prince and the Paw-purr.'
    My elderly neighbour has been married and divorced multiple times?
    He's no sense of direction...!!! :O).

  3. These may be your best yet! Wouldn't it be fun to be put in charge of writing Chinese 'fortunes'?!

  4. We needed the smiles but I liked this one:
    The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So, you must be the person who took our phone book."

  5. LOL, thanks for the laughs.

  6. Dearest Victor,
    Hilarious and much needed in life!

  7. I don't like that first joke. I would have helped her pay.

  8. Replies
    1. Thanks, dear Victor, I needed some laughs today.

  9. I sure needed this laughter. To calm the soul. Prayer request too. As Nick gets better from his health issues our son-in-law Roger is in a battle for his life. Tomorrow at 7:30 A.M. he will have brain surgery to remove a mass. Please pray. I know the neurosurgeon. God is good. I feel calm on that note. The dr took care of me after my own neurosurgeon moved to California after all my neurosurgery. The dr. is a humble man, gives all the glory to God. It is not much better then this. Thank you and tanks for the laughter and smiles.

    1. I am praying for Roger, as well as you and your family right now.

      God bless, Tata.

    2. Thank you. He madeit through the brain surgery. Not looking forward to hearing liver cancer but I will cross each bridge with Roger as we get updates and a plan for him. God Bless you and thank you.

    3. I am still praying for Roger, you and your whole family.

      God bless, Tata.



God bless you.