Thank you Lord

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

TO

ALL OUR READERS

GOD BLESS

 *******

Thank you for the flowers that grow in blossoms on the trees

Old familiar faces that I'm always glad to see

Comic strips and fish and chips and people who like me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for all the creatures from the mouse to kangaroo

Lambs and spreading birds that fly across the skies so blue

If we took a closer look we'd learn a thing or two

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Gratitude is a simple debt that anyone can pay

Thank you is two little words that go a long long way

So however busy, help me find the time to say

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for the happy songs that bounce inside my ears

Something clicking something picking the songs I love to hear

Spinning tops and busy shops with Christmas drawing near

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for your only Son who hung upon the tree

Dying so that we might live for all eternity

It's not much in return but Lord for what you did for me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

NOTE: This song was played by me on my radio program many years ago. Unfortunately all I have is the tape of that program. Can anyone please help identify the singer or the song and when it was recorded?

Many thanx. God bless.

Hello ... Hello ...

 

Hello ... Hello ... God?

God ... are you there?

Please pick up ... pick up ... don't put me on the answering machine!

Hello ... is that God? 

Hi ... I have called to say ... thank you!

MORAL: Be patient. Be thankful.

A new venture

 

A thought has been buzzing round my mind for the last few days. I'd like your honest opinions please.

We all have a responsibility to spread our Christian beliefs and faith; not just by the way we live but also by other means as best as possible. We cannot all be preachers, standing at street corners handing out leaflets, or knocking from door to door. But there is another way.

The Internet is a marvellous channel which can reach many people far and wide throughout the world.

The world is becoming more and more secular. Many people have turned their back on their Creator or do not know Him at all. 

Here's what I have in mind. 

What if we were to create a Blog dedicated solely to Christian articles? No humour, no food recipes, travels, gardening or such articles. Just Christian articles written by you. Yes you.

The articles could be about your experiences, when and how you met God in your life. Or about a passage from the Bible that speaks to you, or a hymn/song and its meaning to you, or anything that is Christian-based which would encourage and uplift someone who does not know God or has turned his back on Him. 

How will it work? 

I'll get someone to design the Blog for us. Suggested title: CHRISTIAN FOCUS. What do you think? 

Contributors will send their articles by email to enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk (my office). 

All that is needed is a short article every now and then; perhaps explaining a Bible text, or why a certain reading or story appeals to you or has helped you. 

You Tube videos also acceptable, or book recommendations, or even articles that have already appeared on your Blog. You could also discuss various points regarding Christianity and beliefs and how this affects our lives.

We would need about a dozen people to commit to submitting articles. This is to ensure a variety of input and to avoid a few people monopolising the conversation. 

The articles will then be published on the CHRISTIAN FOCUS blog, with your name and a link to your Blog if you wish. 

You can visit any time to check what viewers are saying and respond very much as you do now on any Blogger blog. 

Here's what would be involved. Please answer these questions honestly:

1    Do you think a Blog devoted purely to Christian articles is a good idea?

2    Would you commit to contributing about one article a month? (More is acceptable).

3    Would you be able to invite people you know (e.g. your pastor) to contribute articles every so often? Occasional articles from your friends/relatives etc ... would be welcome and contributors do not need to be members of Blogger. Articles would be sent via yourself by email. 

4    Would you be able to promote the Blog and send links to people you know who would benefit from visiting it? This is essential if we are to spread the Word to a larger audience.  

5    Would you promote/advertise the Blog on your own Blog every now and then? Also on other social media like FB, X, Instagram etc ...

Here's how we envisage the project to work.  

1    I'll get someone to design the Blog and also receive contributions from all writers via email.

2    The articles will be published on the website with your name - and if you wish a link to your Blog will be added.

3    Photos/pictures can be submitted or if you wish I shall add these to fit in with your article subject.

Please let us have your views and suggestions either in the comments box below or by writing privately to my office at: enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk

Thank you and God bless.

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A night at the Opera

 

I was taken to the Opera against my better judgement. We were sitting in one of those private balcony seats watching a lot of people on stage shouting at each other in song and walking about as if they’re constipated.

I've never understood opera, and after that performance I understood it even less.

In order to educate myself in one easy lesson I quickly read the brochure we were given at the entrance to find out how many intervals there were, and whether this theatre had a bar or not.

I read the summary of the plot of this play, or musical, or whatever it was that we were watching.

Now please pay attention. This is quite complicated.

Apparently there's this fellow called Gelato. He's the one with tight trousers and a squeaky voice as if his ... are caught in a bear trap. 

 

He is a knight and he loves the lovely Princess Miranda.

One day as Gelato was riding through the forest on his way to visit Miranda he bumps his head against a low lying branch from a tree and falls unconscious from his horse. 

Gelato is later found dazed in the forest by a young and beautiful peasant girl called Amnesia. She takes him home to her lover Memorandum. 

 

She and her lover look after the squeaky Gelato and nurse him back to health. But sadly, his forest experience has wiped his memory of the love of his life, Princess Miranda. He now has eyes only for Amnesia ... no wonder he's so forgetful.

Amnesia is confused and doesn't know who to love more. Her faithful Memorandum who stood by her all this time, or the forgetful Gelato who has declared undying love for her but doesn't even know who he is.

Meanwhile, Princess Miranda back at her palace, not having seen her squeaky knight for such a long time, presumes him dead; eaten by a vegetarian dragon; and feels that her love for her Gelato is cooling off as each night passes.

So she gives up hope of ever finding a knight with whom to spend a night.

Eventually, she falls in love with a restaurant waiter called Risotto. Their love develops into a recipe for happiness ever after. 

 

Princess Miranda decides to marry Risotto.

On the day she was to marry Risotto, the waiter, she invites the whole town to the palace and ... as it happens ... Gelato the forgetful knight, Amnesia his peasant girlfriend, and Memorandum who originally loved Amnesia, all attend the wedding at the palace.

The music rises to a crescendo. (That's Italian for a gradual increase in loudness in a piece of music; and not the name of another character in this opera. Please pay attention!)

On one side of the stage stands Princess Miranda with her beloved waiter Risotto whom she is about to marry.

On the other side of the stage stands the dazed forgetful knight Gelato with the squeaky voice, also his newly beloved peasant girl Amnesia, and her previous lover Memorandum.

In the middle of the stage is a crowd representing the whole town folk singing in unison something in Italian which I do not understand. Hopefully, it is the menu of the restaurant we are due to visit later after the show.

Upon seeing Gelato, Princess Miranda recognises her previous lover she thought was dead and falls in love with him all over again, (fickle or what?)

She pushes her Risotto to one side. I don't blame her though ... a Risotto isn't much fun when you have Gelato on the menu; is it?

Anyway ... somehow, on seeing Miranda, Gelato suddenly regains his memory and declares his undying love for his Princess. After all, better marry a rich Princess than a pauper like Amnesia ... what?

Amnesia is beside herself with indignation and embarrassment that she forgets her lines and waits for the prompter to help her. 

Anyway, Amnesia now turns to her former lover Memorandum for affection and forgiveness and a bit of a cuddle and hugs and ... (It's always good to have a fall back Plan B, don't you think?)

However, Memorandum is now rather angry at having been spurned by Amnesia that he turns his amourous glances towards Risotto. 

WHAT? I never expected that; did you? 

By now I was totally confused and getting rather hungry. 

As you would expect in any good opera; an argument erupts between Princess Miranda and Gelato the squeaky knight on one side, and Amnesia the peasant, her ex Memorandum and the side-lined Risotto the waiter on the other side.

They all break out into song each out-crying each other louder and louder.

At one point a chorus of about thirty people standing in the middle of  the stage join in the screaming as if their lives depended on it.

"Do you love me?" screams Princess Miranda in Italian. "Mi ami?" she sings at the top of her voice.

"Ti amo. Ti amo. Tu mi ami?" responds the handsome squeaky knight Gelato even louder. Those pants he's wearing are truly tight.

"Mi ami? Mi ami? Mi ami?" Amnesia and Memorandum ask each other over and again accompanied by the choir of thirty or so town folks.

"Ti amo. Mi ami?" scream Miranda and Gelato.

"Doesn't anybody love me?" screams the side-lined waiter Risotto who feels rejected like a half-eaten meal.

At this point a duel breaks out between the knight Gelato and the waiter Risotto. I can't quite make out the reason for this duel. But apparently you must have one in each opera. 

Gelato uses his sword and shield whilst Risotto uses his serving tray as a shield and an Italian bread-stick as a sword. He also keeps throwing bits of mozzarella at Gelato. 

At one point in this duel accompanied by a crescendo of music and singing, Gelato is hit in the eye by Risotto's Italian bread-stick.

Gelato falls to the ground holding his chest and singing ever so loudly.

“Son morto … son morto …” which means I am dead.

Instead of calling for an ambulance and taking him to the ER room at the hospital; the rest of the cast, including the chorus, join in the singing.

The more they sang, the more Gelato screamed "son morto" still holding his chest although technically I clearly saw he was hit with the Italian bread-stick in the eye.

Suddenly Risotto breaks into the finale song ...

"Mangerò Mangerò Mangerò ..." he sings " All'alba Mangeeeeeeeeeeròòòòòòòòòòò !!!!!!!!" 

(Caruso and Pavarotti would have been proud of him. But they were not there that evening).

The audience stood up on its feet to rapturous applause which lasted until the fat lady stopped singing.

HELP

 

"HELP" is the sincerest prayer we can say.

It proves that we believe there is

Someone there listening to us.

It reinforces our faith. 

.

Thank you Mevely for suggesting this song

to me a few days ago in the comments box.

God bless you. 

Did you know?

 

DID YOU KNOW?

 

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... Even though.

 

I'm sure you remember the song "I don't know how to love Him" written by Andrew Lloyd Webber from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar.

As Christians, we claim that we love God, and we love Jesus. But HOW do we love Him? 

It is easy of course to say that we love God when everything is going well in our lives. But is that love still there with the same intensity when things go wrong?

All of us will experience difficult times at one stage or another; and it could be in many forms - health issues, financial problems, relationships, loss of a loved one or whatever. How do we react then?

Do we feel abandoned and neglected by the One we promised to love and serve?

Or do we continue to love Him even though ... even though we are facing a crisis in our life?

I think that's the kind of love that matters most. The "even though" love. Because the "even though" love reaffirms our trust and our faith in our Lord. 

By continuing to pray and to trust Him we are reinforcing our belief that He exists. That He lives and that He listens and that He cares for us.   

Even in the deepest depth of our despair, if we continue to pray it underlines our beliefs and our faith. It proves that we are not just talking to ourselves but that we truly believe God is listening.

Our prayers are a testament of our love. And if we are in any doubt, let us look at the Cross.

He gave up His life for us. He freely agreed to undergo all the pain and torture of the Crucifixion for us. 

Even though He had His doubts when praying in the garden before His arrest, even though He felt abandoned when hanging on the Cross, He accepted it all for us.

Christ's love for us was an "even though" love. Are we prepared to love Him and trust Him even though we are facing difficult times?

The Worry Bank

 

Imagine a place where you can go and discuss all your worries. Whatever you are worrying about, financial issues, health, relationships, or whatever else; you go to this place and discuss what's on your mind and they take all your worries away.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I suppose the slogan on the door of this place would be "WE WORRY SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO".

Can you imagine such a place? You go there and all your worries are taken away for ever.  

I thought about this place for a while, then this occurred to me:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Taking Nutty out

 

We have a pet squirrel called Nutty. We didn't buy him from a pet shop or a rescue centre; he is just a wild animal and he made himself our pet. He arrived in the back garden one day to eat the nuts from the bird table and has been visiting ever since. We called him Nutty.

He is so tame that he comes close for us to gently stroke his head and feed him from our hand. He also follows me everywhere in the garden. Over time, I trained him to follow me as I go out to the newsagent to get my morning papers. I walk down the lane and he follows a few feet behind all the way to the shops and back.

The other day he climbed up a tree and sat there for a while. I was concerned in case he gets lost and can't find his way back home, so I stood by the tree waiting. 

Moments later, Madame Malaprop came down the lane and recognised me. She is an elderly neighbour of French origin living a few houses away. She probably thought the worst of me seeing me there beside a tree !!!

She looked me up and down saying nothing at first. I smiled politely and said, "I am exercising my squirrel!"

She must have misunderstood me because she cried, "Oh ... mon Dieu!!!" and started coughing violently all of a sudden.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"I am shocking ..." she cried amongst coughs and splutters, "shocking!"

"There's no need to be shocked," I defended myself, "I was doing nothing improper by the tree!"

At which point she collapsed on the ground.

I picked up my cell-phone and phoned for an ambulance. "I' am at Chrysanthemums Gardens," I said, "an old lady has just collapsed in the street and is choking!"

"How do you spell that?" the operator asked.

How do I know how to spell it? I'm too far away from the road sign to go there and read it. The old woman will probably die by then. 

There was only one thing to do. I grabbed her by the neck and dragged her all the way to the end of the road and then I said, "I am at Oak Street. That's O ... A ... K ... !!!" 

*****  

The dragging must have done the trick. Madame Malaprop got up; slapped me hard in the face, and walked away without saying a word.

At which time the ambulance arrived. I had a hard time explaining to the first responders that that woman over there was chocking just a few moments earlier. And that I had lost my squirrel.

Will we ever see Nutty again? 

No weddings and two funerals

 

Funerals aren't much fun. Especially when there's no WiFi reception in church and I cannot get the football game on my cell-phone. 

I had to attend the funeral of someone in our church choir. His name was Phil R Moniker. (I'm good at making up names, don't you think?)

There was a lot of crying and sadness. At one point one of the church assistants was swinging the incense burner thing a little enthusiastically and hit an elderly lady in the face. She started crying and wailing and no one knew whether it was because of the pain or whether she was grieving Phil's departure.

Eventually, Phil left for the cemetery, followed by a procession of cars filled with mourners.

I knew a short-cut, so I took a turning to the left and went via the out-of-town route. Unfortunately I got caught in heavy traffic and by the time I got to the cemetery a number of people were standing around the grave.

The coffin had already been lowered into the ground and the vicar present ended his prayers with "May she rest in Peace".

"She?" I thought. Is there something about Phil R Moniker that I do not know? 

I was so busy analysing what I just heard that I did not notice that this was a totally different vicar conducting the proceedings. Also, the mourners were different to the one's in church half-an-hour earlier. 

In my haste to get to the cemetery I had totally lost the plot! (Clever pun, don't you think?)

I was at the cemetery North of town instead of the one near the motorway.

I was about to retreat discreetly when I was approached by one of the mourners.

"She'll be really missed!" he said.

"Yes ... very much so," I said unconvincingly.

"Did you know her well?" he asked.

"Ehm ... years ago ... when I worked in London ... haven't seen her since," I lied so convincingly that I almost believed it.

"Really?" he said raising an eyebrow, "I did not know she lived in London. She said she hated it so much. Too busy, she said!"

"That's probably why she left," I lied to myself and to him once more, "too many people in London ... so busy!"

"It's tragic, the way she died," he continued as we were making our way out of the cemetery.

Now I was in real trouble. What do I say? I don't even know her name, never mind how she died. I remained silent. He continued after a few seconds.

"Knitting whilst sitting on the toilet!" he lamented.

I made some excuse about a meeting I had to be at and jumped in my car in a hurry! 

Opera

 

 Take it from me. Opera singing is easy. Anyone can do it. 

I know I can ...

Aria from Act I from Bizet's "Carmen." "L'amour est un oiseau rebelle." Habanera

Don't be fooled

 

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT  

Listen up people ... DON'T BE FOOLED.

You do not need expensive music lessons to be an orchestra conductor. All you need is a small stick or knitting needle which you wave in the air haphazardly. See video below. 

Woooh ... Wooooh ...

 

Today's Q&A is about ghosts. But before we start, here are some thoughts to ponder.

Why is it that ghosts are often dressed in old mediaeval type clothes and appear in old castles and buildings?  

Has there ever been a ghost seen in a modern building dressed in a modern fashionable suit? Has there been a ghost in the frozen food aisle of the local supermarket? That should send a chill down one's spine. What did the ghost look like? A person or a frozen turkey left over from last Christmas or Thanksgiving? Or was it the ghost of a frozen leg of lamb?

Are ghosts only human or has there ever been animal ghosts? If so, what animals? Has there ever been a ghost of a cockroach? Probably killed in a TV episode of Murder She Roach?

Do ghosts always speak in English or can they speak in different languages? Do they have different English accents? Do they speak in Olde English like Shakespeare and Chaucer? If a French ghost appears in England would he speak English in a French accent? Or the accent of the language he comes from? Or would he say, "Me no speak English"?

I once saw a ghost riding a bicycle. He stopped and said in perfect English, "Sorry old boy, can't stop and frighten you. I'm late getting home and no matter what excuse I give the wife she can see right through me!"

Have you ever seen a ghost? Tell us about it. 

Remembrance Day

 

REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY

ONE MINUTE SILENT PRAYER

Look in the mirror

 

This will be a quick Q & A - I promise you.

Look in the mirror. 

What do you see? A happy cheerful face or one that looks like you've tasted garlic ice cream? Or, as they say around here, a face that looks like a mile of bad road?

Another question -  Are you a Christian?

If you are, then you owe it to God and to your soul to be cheerful. 

To rejoice. 

You have the Good News in your heart. 

God loves you. 

Jesus died for you. 

The Holy Spirit will descend on you if you invite Him.

A Christian should not always look as if he has just attended a funeral. 

He should look as if he has heard of the Resurrection and rejoices at the Good News always.

 

 

 

I like the bagpipes

 

I just love the sound of the bagpipes. Especially the bagpipes and drums when they are all marching down the street. Many a time I saw the bands marching down Prince's Street in Edinburgh, playing the pipes and drums; especially on Hogmanay. 

 PRINCES STREET - EDINBURGH

 

I wish I could play the bagpipes; but I just can't. I am not musical in any way. When I sing or attempt a musical instrument wildlife leaves the vicinity for miles around. Birds have been known to migrate out of season to avoid me. And worms bury themselves deeper underground.

 

On one occasion I was invited at a friend's party in Scotland and he had several pipers there to entertain his guests. It was New Year's eve and we were dressed in kilts; including me. As a prank, someone gave me a set of bagpipes and we hid a loudspeaker just behind me and I pretended to play solo. It was good fun until something went technically wrong and there was a honking sound instead. The audience wondered what was that sound coming from behind. It was not my finest moment.

 

I can play the comb and paper pretty well.

.

Before you ask ...

this is not me. 

 

Have you ever ...

 

Have you ever escaped through your bedroom window? I have.

I was sixteen at the time. It was Halloween. I wanted to go to a friend's house for a party. My parents did not approve. I said I was going to my room for an early night.

I planned to escape through the bedroom window. My room was at the front of the house. I tied a few bed sheets together and threw them out of the window. I'd forgotten to tie the other end to the bed post or something solid. All the sheets fell into a heap on the ground below. I needed them to escape.

So I climbed on the window edge and eased myself on a climbing plant nearby, and from there to a tree near the house. I slowly moved down from branch to branch until I reached terra firma. (Did I tell you this was in Italy? Well, it wasn't. I just added the terra firma bit to sound educated).

Any way, I got down and collected the bed sheets. I could not get in the house through the front door for obvious reasons. My parents were watching TV. I got in through the back door using my key and I got up very quietly to my bedroom.

Once there, I tied one end of the sheets to the bed, then threw the sheets out of the window. Now they made a good rope for me to slide down quietly and go to my friend's house just across the road. 

As I climbed out of the window a thought occurred to me. If I go to the party leaving the sheets hanging there my Dad would see them. It was Friday evening and he always took the trash bins out on Fridays so he'd be sure to see the sheets. Even if I left the bedroom lights on and the radio playing, he'd know I escaped. 

So I decided to pull the sheets into the bedroom again. There must be a way for me to get out without attracting suspicion and being found out.

I switched the radio off and sat there to think of a cunning strategy. Moments later there was tapping on my window. I looked out, it was my friend Rosemary. She'd been throwing small pebbles at my window to attract my attention.

She said her parents decided to stay in that night so the party was called off. 

I suggested we spend the time together revising for our exams instead. My parents agreed. Her parents agreed.

I went across to her house and we spent the evening ... revising.

Business venture

 

Dear friends,

I wish to invite you to a new business venture which will not only increase your investment but will put you at the forefront of the beauty industry.

I have teamed up with an innovative laboratory which has created the answer to everyone's dream.

You have heard of breast augmentation, and also thighs and backside uplifts and increases; or for some people muscle increases and a beautiful strong figure ... well, this is the next step in how to enhance your looks with no surgery or pain whatsoever.

This is a new cream which, when applied sparingly on your nose, will make it grow a few millimetres at a time. At first the growth will be unnoticeable, but in a short period of two weeks you can have a nose twice the size of your current one. This is an offer not to be sniffed at.

Imagine a longer or bulkier nose. And the more you apply the cream the more the nose will grow.

In some laboratory tests individuals had a nose which enters a room a few seconds before them. 

Think of the advantages of a bigger nose. You can lie to your heart's content and no one will know. You can smell in the dark. You can identify with pinpoint accuracy who broke wind in the elevator. In confined spaces you'll be able to absorb more oxygen than anyone else. You can ring the doorbell with your nose when your hands are full. This and many other features are at your disposal with a new bigger nose.

Big noses are the fashionable trend this winter. 

Do not miss this opportunity to invest in a fledgling new industry which will make you rich beyond compare. Do not turn your nose up at this offer. 

Please phone me for more details. Use your nose to dial my number and see how difficult it is with your current size and shape.

The Zebra Story

 

Father Ignatius approached the lectern and said, "A reading from the holy Gospel according to Mark Chapter 9 Verses 38 to 41. ‘Teacher,’ said John, ‘we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.’

‘Do not stop him,’ Jesus said. ‘For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. Truly I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward.’ "

The priest waited until they all sat down and then started his sermon, "Once upon a time there was a zebra which looked different from the rest of the herd. People don't like different, do they? Zebras don't like different either.

"This zebra had its stripes horizontally. Instead of having the stripes vertically around the body like all other zebras, this one had its stripes horizontally from the neck to the rear. The other zebras did not like that. They said he was not ‘one of us’. Whatever that means. They wanted the zebra out of the herd.

"They debated, they argued, and then they voted. And the zebra was thrown out of the herd to roam all alone, lonely, and defenceless. It soon got attacked by hyenas and was killed. They did not care which way the stripes went.”

He waited a moment or two as he usually does to make a point and then continued, “Sounds familiar, does it not? The zebra looked different and was not welcome in the herd. The disciples had the same attitude towards the stranger who performed miracles in Christ’s name yet was not one of the disciples.

"And to a large extent, so are we too, are we not. We may well wish to deny it, but deep down we are all prejudiced in some form or other, including me. It is in our very nature to be prejudiced about something or other. We’re too quick to judge. We all have our likes and dislikes and we react differently to peoples’ appearances, attire, age, accents, and the multitude of other feelings we have towards each other.

"When Jesus walked this earth, He must have met many poor people whose clothes were dirty and torn. Lepers too, as well as prostitutes and evil-doers of all kinds. He didn’t use our prejudices in order to avoid them and judge them. Instead, He used pity, compassion and love to help them to a better life.

"Jesus taught us not to judge so that we may not be judged. Have you ever wondered whether in life someone has been prejudiced against you without your knowledge? That job or promotion you did not get for instance? Or the way you’ve been treated by certain people?

"Dear Lord, forgive us if we have unintentionally sinned through our prejudices and treatment of others and teach us to be more aware of our weaknesses and help us to overcome them. Amen."

EXCERPT FROM

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