Thinking Aloud

 

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone. 

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more.

Today I saw a woman talking to her cat, she really thought the cat understood. I told my dog when I got home... we both had a good laugh.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep. I'm so hungry!

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

I didn't find out what happiness means until I got married... and then it was too late. 

This world will never know Peace until it learns to forgive.