Monday 27 June 2022

More Humour

 

MORE OF MY HUMOUR TO KEEP ME AMUSED … HA … HA… HA …

If Dracula can’t see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

I have crossed a homing pigeon with a woodpecker. It not only delivers the message; it also knocks on the door.

A naked woman robbed a bank - Nobody could remember her face.

Nuns wear the same outfit every day. Must be a habit, I guess.

Due to inflation, a picture now only paints 200 words.

Studies say most stabbings are committed by someone close to the victim. Within arm’s length, to be specific.

I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother? Sudden Lee.

The shortest sentence is “I am.” The longest sentence is “I do.”

A cop pulled me over and asked me, “Where were you between 5 and 6?” I replied, “Kindergarten.”

I visited a postcard factory yesterday. It was good, but nothing to write home about.

Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.

I used to be in a band, we were called 'lost dog'. You probably saw our posters.

I changed my password to "incorrect", so anytime I forget and enter the wrong thing, the computer tells me what it is.

24 comments:

  1. Christopher Lee's Dracula..1956..wwas on the
    Horror channel last night..I was to busy watching
    Glastonbury..plenty of Soul music this year, made
    a change..DianaRoss and the great Herbie Hancock,
    82yrs of age..worked with him a couple times back
    in the 60's..All finished up with the rapper Kendrick
    Lamar...think l fell asleep during that...! :)

    I know quite a few vampire jokes....
    I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor..
    He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining..
    He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into..

    If you want to kill a French vampire, you will need to
    stab him with a baguette..
    It's pretty painstaking if you ask me..

    One thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a
    restaurant is a stake sandwich...

    I just did a DNA test and found out I'm a vampire..
    I'm so ashamed, I can't even look in the mirror..

    Vampires make awful businessmen..
    They just can't deal with the stakeholders..

    That's it....Fangs for the memory....! :O).
    (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ) (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ) (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some good lines. I wish I'd thought them myself.

      It was good seeing Diana Ross again. Did you work with her? Did you do stand-up comedy or sing also?

      God bless, Willie.

      Delete
    2. Yes! I did...I spent 10 months in Detroit at Motown
      in 1968..only white face there..l think my voice,
      hopefully, crept into the recording studios and made
      it's mark on some of the old Motown hits of the 60's.

      And..Yes! I did a little stand up..used to write a
      few scripts for other comedians, no one famous,
      but my stand up, was purely 'ad~lib'..audience
      participation..no script..just fun with the audience
      heckling..HeHe! I've yet to meet some one who
      can get one over me..verbally..that is..!
      "Watch that Willie, he'll cut you pieces with his
      tongue"...

      Oh! No! I don't sing..l can't sing..though l did a
      summer season at a Pontins Holiday Camp...
      I ran and preformed as a DJ in the disco..Used
      to close about midnight..off down to the 'Sun
      Lounger' it suddenly became a feature that as
      soon a l walked in, up onto the stage l'd go,
      sit on a stool and 'struggle' through Frank
      Sinatra's 'MY Way'..well it was more like
      reciting poetry than singing...But..! It went
      down a bomb..
      "Willie Wine superstar..wears a long dress and
      he wears a bra"...from Hair the musical..! :O).

      Delete
  2. Dearest Victor,
    Some good ones here again.
    Love the longest sentence being: 'I do'. So true in real life.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Mariette. It was such a sad day when I said, "I DO".

      https://timeforreflections.blogspot.com/2019/05/manly-advice.html#comment-form

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Thanks for the breakfast giggles.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for the laughs. Regine
    www.rsrue.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's great to see you here again Regine. Thanx and God bless.

      Delete
  5. Ta-dah! I think my Tom needs to make his password the same thing ... cute!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too many passwords needed these days for so many Apps and websites and bank accounts and so on.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  6. Thanks for the laughs once again. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's good to laugh, Happyone. God bless always.

      Delete
  7. Many thanks for the laughs :)

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We need humour and laughter ever more these days.

      God bless you, Jan.

      Delete
  8. The shortest sentence is “I am.” The longest sentence is “I do.” Was my favorite. I would politely suggest that you NOT show that one to your beloved. Lol. Blessings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's good to laugh and have a sense of humour. God bless.

      Delete
  9. I am/I do! Heeheehee! That's great, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I said "I do" once. What a disaster! See my comment to Mariette above.

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.