Tuesday 15 February 2022

Time for smiles


Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir?”

Me: “Like winning an argument with my wife.”

Waiter: “Rare it is!”

Little Tommy asked the teacher to help him get his shoes on at the end of a busy day. After quite a struggle with the shoes, which were a little tight, his teacher finally got them on.

'They're on the wrong way round, Miss,' mumbled Tommy.

She realises that he is right; they are on the wrong feet. Staying calm she swaps them over for him. 'They're not my shoes, Miss,' Tommy murmurs again.

The teacher fights hard to keep her cool and asks Tommy why he hadn't told her before. She then kneels down again and helps him pull the shoes off.

'These aren't my shoes, they're my brother's and Mum told me not to tell

At this point his teacher can feel tears coming. She helps him back into his shoes. She gets him into his coat and wraps his scarf round his neck.

'Where are your gloves, Tommy?' she asks quietly.

'Oh, Miss, I always put them in my shoes!'

A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond. The chicken said ‘What’s your name?’

‘Bond, James Bond, what’s yours?’ came the reply.

‘Ken, Chick Ken.’

I couldn’t afford an Ancestry DNA Kit, so I just announced that I had won the Lottery.

I soon found out who all my relatives are.

When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.

And now some religious humour.



  1. ...keep smiling, it beats whatever is in second place!

  2. And the Lord said unto Moses...
    "Come forth..come forth..".
    And..he came fifth and lost his
    beer money! :).

    These are brilliant Victor..all
    very good and very funny...
    I'm a sayings person..l love sayings..
    I have a vast knowledge of various
    sayings..to match most problems! :O).
    So how about some sensible sayings..

    When one door closes and another door opens,
    you are probably in prison...

    To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill

    Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is
    the new midnight...

    It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm
    off like a herd of turtles...

    The older I get, the earlier it gets late...

    When I say, "The other day," I could be referring
    to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago...

    I remember being able to get up without making
    sound effects...

    I had my patience tested.. I'm negative...

    And..I'll leave you with a little time in
    yer hands..


    1. I can never remember what to say. I have a short attention span, like the other day ...

      God bless, Willie.

  3. LOL, Ken, Chick Ken. I love it :)

  4. Thanks for the smiles, some are rare! just like....... Sherry reads these comments WE make, so I will stop.
    Maybe you missed another calling. ?? LOL
    Sherry &jack enjoying the sun over on the next coastline...

    1. I'm glad you're smiling, Jack and Sherry. I'm not sure what my real calling is, or was, or should be. I did try comedy on radio and on stage - mostly for charity. My humour at work was not always appreciated. I once told a very serious colleague, "have you always been boring or did you study for it?"

      God bless always.

  5. Pizz-azzzz! My favorite is the little boy who stuck his mittens in his shoes. Teachers are SO under-appreciated!

    1. Yes, that's true. Teachers are under-appreciated and under-valued. Parents expect miracles.

      God bless, Mevely.

  6. Mittens in the shoes had me laughing!! :)
    Quote at the end of your post - so true!

    1. Thank you Happyone. Yes, if we forget Jesus we've lost everything.

      God bless.

  7. Absolutely hilarious, Victor! I especially liked Tommy and the shoes.



God bless you.