Friday 4 February 2022

Is it a bird?


Pay attention now and settle down. Today we talk about zooology. How many O's in zoo ology? I have put three for good measure.

Specifically, today's lesson is about ostrology. The ostrich. Is it a bird or an animal? 

Let me tell you straight-away it is of no use for falconry. You know ... people who have falcons, hawks or other birds of prey on their out-stretched arms and the bird flies off and returns on the arm when called.

Well, ostriches are absolutely useless at this. They are too heavy to sit on your arm. Besides, there is the small matter that they do not fly.

They have eyes on either side of the head yet they hope to look forwards. Seems impossible. 

They have knees that bend the wrong way round. Your legs bend backwards at the knees. The ostrich's leg bends forwards, which makes it look stupid when it walks.

Their feet have two toes as opposed to four like most birds. The inner toe has a huge nail and looks like a hoof. 

The ostrich can reach speeds of 45 miles an hour; unless it is on a train when it could be even faster.

It lays the largest eggs of any animal. Bigger than an elephant's egg; because elephants don't lay eggs. Are you paying attention at the back of the class?

One ostrich egg is the size of 25 chicken eggs. Which explains why it is not sold at the supermarket. They cannot find a box big enough to sell a dozen eggs, or six even!

Contrary to popular and erroneous belief the ostrich does not bury it's head in the sand. Unlike some people who do so all the time until things go wrong in their lives.

It is also not true that an ostrich has eight hearts. You are mixing this with the octopus which has eight tentacles or legs. The octopus can use its eight legs independently; which explains why it never competes at tennis tournaments.

Both the ostrich and the octopus for that matter are very fast. It is very difficult to run after an octopus and catch it. Which explains why it is so expensive in a restaurant. Also, as soon as you put it in boiling water it uses a spare tentacle to turn the oven fire off. 

In a race between an ostrich and an octopus the horse would not win because it is not taking part. Also, the octopus would win because the ostrich cannot swim.

The horse on the other hand is completely different from the zebra. Because God said so.


  1. Phew! It's ALL go..I read this..this morning,
    on my way out to Lidl..
    The here l am back
    home, laden with groceries..!
    After reading about the ostrich, l decided to get
    one in Lidl..a very small one for Sunday..though
    it said 'chicken' on the label..! :).
    Seriously partial to Ostritch, when l can get it,
    not forgetting octopus of course..back home in
    Sicily it's a daily event..! Octopus that is!

    And..amorous ostriches have been falling in
    love with their human keepers...and they are
    raised commercially for their meat, hide and
    And they have been known to kill humans...! :(.

    And..Are'nt there a lot of Zebra..I suppose
    there must be to keep all the lions fed..! :).
    And the Zebra is a black animal with white
    stripes..! So be careful where you cross the
    road..! :O).

    Must get groceries to put away, a
    belly~pork stew to make..Oh! And an ostritch
    to stuff..No joke! I have the recipe for
    stuffed ostrich, if anyone should want it...!
    ♫♪•*¨*•.¸🔥💛🔥¸.•*¨*•♪♫ ♫♪•*¨*•.¸🔥💛🔥¸.•*¨*•♪♫
    PS..Did you hear about the race between the giraffe
    and the ostrich..?
    It was neck and neck the whole way...! :).

    1. You really do have a sense of humour, Willie ... neck and neck!!!

      God bless.

    2. Well Victor..You write very well..
      I'm no writer..l'm more yer verbal
      person, did a little stand up back
      in the 60's, even wrote a few scrips
      for fellow comics, my stand up was
      down to audience participation, not
      any type of script...l enjoyed the
      hecklers, one on one..great fun...! :0).

      And..I like the good old silly jokes..
      Why do zebras have stripes?
      Because they don’t want to be spotted...

      What side does a zebra have the most
      stripes on?
      The outside..

      What’s black and white and blue?
      A sad zebra..
      HeHe! And..So on..! :O).

    3. Did you know if you scan a zebra with a bar-code reader it will say on the computer screen "ZEBRA". It's true. Try it.

      God bless.

    4. Oh! Yes! Your quite right Victor..
      Well..look at that..would you ever..!
      Still looks like a horse behind bars though! :O)

  2. ...your title remembers me of, the 1941 Quote: "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!"

    1. Wonderful TV and cinema movies. I like Superman.

      God bless, Tom.

  3. "The ostrich can reach speeds of 45 miles an hour; unless it is on a train when it could be even faster."

    😂 It's too early for me to be laughing this loud. The kids & hubby are still asleep...or were!

    1. It's true, Sandi. I checked the facts. Trains can go faster than 45mph sometimes when they are not stationary.

      God bless you and your family.

    2. ...when they are not stationary.


    3. Stationary..? Is'nt that summat to
      do with writing materials..! :).

  4. I always learn something from your posts.

  5. Kathy said: I always learn something from your posts!............. Me Too, just not sure what. I am leaning toward the straight jacket, sooner than later. BUT I must say I am more educated now than I was 2 hours ago when I started reading this. LOL

    Love from over here,
    Sorry, but it will be hard for us to visit you in the institution. But we will write.
    Sherry & jack, smiling again. THANKS!

    1. All my facts are checked and double-checked, Jack. They are true as far as I can make out; if not - then they should be true.

      Keep smiling. God bless you and Sherry.

  6. The ostrich is an unique and strange looking bird. They look rather goofy to me but they are to be admired for being different. :)

    1. You are right about them looking goofy. As if they were made by committee sticking different bits together.

      God bless, Bill.

  7. Mr. God sure had a finely tuned sense of humor when he created the ostrich! This reminds me of a popular (but annoying!) televised Liberty Insurance commercial featuring Limu, the Emu.
    (I know there's a difference between the birds, but I'm too lazy to look it up.)

    1. The main difference between the Emu and the Ostrich is that they are spelled differently. Apart from that, they are the same. The emu is smaller and lives in Australia and has an Australian accent. Female emus fight each other for a male; whereas the males sit back watching and drinking Foster's lager. Originally brewed in Australia, now available elsewhere under licence. The lager that is, not the emu!

      I hope this helps, Mevely.

      God bless you.

  8. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, a good one and I hate to tell you but on Sunday at a Thai restaurant I ate some red Thai chili with squid with coconut. Not quite octopus but similar. 🐙🦑
    We see some very funny commercials with an ostrich and get to see it racing.

    1. I bet the squid tasted nice, Mariette. Very popular in some countries. I love coconut too.

      God bless always.

  9. All birds are animals, but not all animals are birds. That's logic!

    1. A flying fish is a fish not a bird.

      God bless, Mimi.



God bless you.