Halloween smiles

 

My wife said to me yesterday, “Honey, I think we should do something really scary for the kids this Halloween.”

I said, “Well, we could always take them to your mother’s.”

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Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.

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My mother used to say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.

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Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”

My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

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Families are like fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts. I like families. If it was not for my family I would be arguing with perfect strangers.

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My wife felt like she’d seen a new caring considerate side to me after I spent the day making treats for the Halloween callers.

I really hope they appreciated my home-made toffee onions.

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Did you hear about the crazy person who fell into the French river in Paris? He was in Seine.

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The best part about Halloween is that the cobwebs in my house look like decorations.

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If you’re in need of a job, you could try Search and Rescue. They’re always looking for people.

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The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.” I did just that and now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall

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What language do oranges speak? Mandarin.

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In hospital, I was forced to swallow some purple coloured liquid. I feel violated.

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I’ve spent the past week indoors learning escapology. I need to get out more.

 

HALLOWEEN