Friday 11 March 2022

Concrete Knowledge

 

In the front garden there was a small area about one meter square and only a few inches deep which once contained a tree. The tree died and was removed leaving behind this dead patch of land about one metre by one metre. I decided to fill it with cement and then put some flower pots on it.

Easy job for someone so clever like me. I bought a couple of bags of cement and sand and started mixing. The thing is, I did not know the exact proportions of cement, sand and water. I guessed and the first load I mixed looked too dark and heavy to lift with the shovel. I added more sand. It became more yellowish. I added water. Perhaps too much. Now I had a yellowish soup. More cement. Then a bit more sand. It got drier and drier as I mixed. More water. Too much again.

I was getting tired and fed up with the whole project. Perhaps it would be easier to move house.

I went indoors and searched the phone directory. There was this firm which would deliver pre-mixed quick setting concrete to your door. No mixing and working hard yourself. I asked them to come round.

At this point I was called by my boss and I had to go to work to sort a problem. I gave my wife precise, easy to follow, cannot go wrong, instructions. When the cement people come round, they should put it in this one meter by one meter, three inches deep hole.

Apparently they turned up with one of those big trucks with a huge revolving drum on the back with ready-made quick setting concrete. She pointed to the place and asked them to leave the cement there. They asked, "Are you sure?" She said, "Yes" and went indoors.

Apparently the minimum delivery is one metric tonne. Whatever that is.

When I got home I found a mini concrete mountain in the place where the tree was. It was quick setting cement which means that the mountain was already set and as hard as a rock ready for Moses to climb on and despair. 

There's no way it can be moved or broken down into small pieces without a big sledge-hammer or pneumatic drill. It is as high as two people standing on each other. A big, huge, massive, immense mountain on my front lawn.

You should see how much the cement people are charging me for this. I think with all that quick-setting concrete they are hardened criminals.

35 comments:

  1. ...too many of us are all mixed up and set in our ways!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is so true, Tom. Great observation.

      God bless always.

      Delete
  2. HaHa! Brilliant! Though l did have to
    Google..meter..l do feet and inches,
    so l had to convert said measurements!
    So..One meter is...3:28084 feet..
    Boris has already stated..as were OUT of
    Europe now..(Hoooray)..we should go back
    to feet and inches, pounds and ounces and
    so on...! :).

    Your fault really Victor..Dare l say it..
    Why give the wife a precise, easy to follow,
    cannot go wrong, instructions...without a
    drawing..Tut! Tut! Tut! Naughty! :(. HeHe!

    Late on parade to~day Victor..Have you a note
    from yer Mum..? HeHe! Bless! :O).
    💛 🌱 🌸 🌱 💜 🌱 🌸 🌱 💜 🌱 🌸 🌱 💜

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The reason I am late posting today is because I am trying to figure out how to get rid of the cement mountain on my doorstep.

      God bless, Willie.

      Delete
  3. Mix bleach with water and then add
    dishwashing detergent to the mix and
    put it into a spray bottle...
    Mind you..you'll need a lot of it..!
    Therefore, as hardening of cement includes
    a change in its physical state and it's
    chemical properties, it cannot be reversed back...

    https://www.budgetdumpster.com/blog/how-to-break-up-concrete/

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dearest Victor,
    My Lord, you got two strikes against you in this, your mathematics and doing all this with left hands is rather tough!
    But it made a nice story...
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, my mathematics may have been a bit wrong. I did not know how much one metric tonne of cement was. Or did they say ten metric tonnes? Either way, it was a lot of concrete.

      God bless, Mariette.

      Delete
  5. Sounds like a total nightmare. Just step away slowly and move onward from the mess. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm the only one in our street with a mountain in the front garden.

      God bless, Bill.

      Delete
  6. Oh my goodness! Between your and Jack's challenges, would it not be easier to roll out artificial turf?
    Follow me for more landscaping tips. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On reflection, artificial turf would have been a better alternative. I just wanted to prove that I was clever at handiwork. Like when I laid a new carpet in our bedroom. I measured it as six inches wide and three miles long. Must have been something wrong with the electronic tape measure.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  7. What a mess! If a tree died in my backyard, I would plant another tree 🌳 ... I will not buy pre-mixed quick setting concrete 😀

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I should have planted another tree there. I thought plant pots would look nice on a concrete platform.

      God bless, Giorgio.

      Delete
    2. Actually, in a backyard plants pots would look better than a tree.

      All the best!

      Delete
  8. "I don't believe it!" It sounds like a thing that would happen to Victor Meldrew. What a mess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Originally, I wanted to put a statue of a tree there made of concrete or stone; but no one makes statues of trees. So I decided to concrete the area instead. Now the Local Authorities want to use the cement mountain to teach people mountaineering skills.

      God bless, Liz.

      Delete
    2. Good idea, rent it out for rock climbing experiences.

      Delete
  9. Read the directions. I tell that to my husband whenever we have a project.

    I think the tree would have been a better bet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What directions? At the end of the road it says "Do Not Turn Left". On my milk cartons it says "Keep In Fridge". What has that to do with me mixing cement? There are no directions on the cement or sand bags.

      God bless, Susan.

      Delete
    2. Bags of pre-mix concrete have instructions. You should have bought one of them.

      Delete
    3. I did not know such a thing existed.

      God bless, River.

      Delete
  10. You should first thank your wife. I am sure the spot was at least 3" deep. Now paint it green and thank your wife again for the new shrubs...
    Well, it is a thought....
    Sherry & jack will stay on this side until the storm is gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right now my main objective is removing the mountain on my lawn. Then, as you say, I could paint it green or put some turf on the spot where the tree was.

      Take care and keep safe from the storm. God bless, Jack and Sherry.

      Delete
  11. Maybe you should have just filled the hole in with dirt.

    We have dealt with concrete quite a few times!! Mixing it ourselves and getting it delivered.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you're right, Happyone. Leave the hole with its original dirt.

      God bless.

      Delete
  12. Oh dear Victor! Did you know that you can buy quick-set premix concrete by the bagful? Just add water, (the amount is on the bag) and pour into the hole of whatever mould you might be using, then let it dry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What? I did not know that. Already mixed combination of sand and cement. What a brilliant idea. Thanx River.

      God bless.

      Delete
  13. Well, I'll bet this little incident will stay cemented in your mind for quite some time, Victor. :)
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I have the concrete mountain removed I'll sing to it "you were always on my mind ... you were always on my mind!"

      God bless, Martha.

      Delete
  14. Oh, my! It pays to ask questions before purchasing concrete. Who knew you would end up with a tall blob of cement in your front yard. Yep, I agree hardened criminals. God less.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The concrete people charged me for a whole lorry load of cement because they said that was the minimum amount they would deliver; and anyway, my wife accepted the delivery.

      God bless, Nells.

      Delete
  15. It sounds like one hard problem to solve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm between a rock and a hard place.

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete

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