The thoughts that come to mind.

 

I often sit down and just think. Better than thinking standing up. My thoughts fall down to my feet when I'm standing up.

I think about the good old days. They were neither good nor old. I was young at the time. I remember being raised in poverty. It was a town next to misery and despair.

Our house was always cold and damp. We had a permanent rainbow in the kitchen. The house was so small that even the mice were hunch-backed. There was no room to swing a cat. We had to do it outdoors. Despite our poverty we believed in nature and saving the environment. We used natural things where we could. For example, we tied a dead hedgehog to a stick and used it as a toilet brush.

My teacher at school told me once, "Some day you'll go far ... and I hope you stay there!" I was bad at Math. If I had 50 cents for every failed Math exam I would now have $4.27.

As a young man I was always ambitious. I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships. I took gold, silver and bronze.

I wanted to make it good in life. Never succeeded. I wanted to have a girl-friend and get married. I did not realise that marriage is a very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

My girl-friend at the time told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girl-friends. Neither of them liked that!

Honestly ... women ... I'll never understand them. My girl-friend liked chocolates, like many women do. She also liked shoes. Always buying shoes. She dropped many hints for her birthday. So I bought her a pair of shoes made of chocolate.

Eventually I married Miss Right. I did not know at the time her first name was Always.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. I was so hungry I ate a clock yesterday. It was time consuming. 

She has just called me pretentious about this last joke. I was so surprised that my monocle fell off. 

I hate it when people act so intellectual and talk knowledgeably about Mozart when they haven't seen even one of his paintings. 

For our honeymoon we went to Paris. I tried to climb a really tall tower; but Eiffel off! 

Good joke hein? Don't you hate it when people always answer their own questions? I do!

My wife and I laughed at this last joke. We often laugh at how competitive we both are. But I laughed more!