Monday 22 August 2022

Presents and Gifts

 

Buying a gift for someone is such a personal thing that we should be careful that the recipient really appreciates what we have bought for them. My books for instance have boomerang qualities in that they can be passed on to others when bought and enjoyed; although most people tend to keep them for themselves. Especially the FREE ones.

Some years ago, after visiting us and enjoying many a rest by the pond in our back garden, when he left Uncle Eric sent us a fish for our pond. It arrived special delivery. It was a frozen salmon. 

In his haste to thank us for a nice holiday he went to the wrong website and ordered a fish from a high class specialist fishmonger. We enjoyed the fish, but never told him the truth. We said his fish was flourishing in the pond.

That same uncle was invited one year for Christmas. In early November he sent us a turkey. Well, not a turkey as such. It was a coupon whereby we go to a nearby farm, choose a live turkey, and nearer Christmas they slaughter it and prepare it and send it to us special delivery ready for the oven. Thankfully, I did not have the children with me. I did not have the heart to point at a bird and condemn it to death. I signed the relevant papers and told them to send me any turkey.

One week before Christmas a parcel came special express delivery. I opened it and it was a leg of lamb. I looked at it once or twice and it was still a leg of lamb. I went out of the kitchen and back in again; it was still a leg of lamb.

I rang the farm. They said they sent a turkey; "are you sure Sir?" she said to me. I went to the kitchen and checked again. Yes, I was sure it was a leg of lamb because it looked like a leg of lamb rather than a turkey which is altogether a different shape.

I then spoke to the manager, he informed me that my turkey had escaped the farm and had an argument with a combine harvester and became ground meat. So they decided to send me a leg of lamb costing more than the turkey as compensation. 

I explained that technically I had not chosen a turkey, so "my" turkey could not have escaped and met his demise against a mightier opponent. 

To save further headache, we accepted the leg of lamb and we quickly bought a turkey from the supermarket. When Uncle Eric came for Christmas we told him this was his turkey on the table.

Another gift I received from someone was a day at a health farm. You start with a sauna where you are boiled alive like a lobster. Then the brochure showed a whole body massage with a photo of a young man lying naked on a table with a tiny towel on his backside and a beautiful masseuse rubbing his shoulders. Knowing my luck the masseuse will be a heavyweight wrestler with a grudge against society. What is it with this fashion of lying naked in-front of someone you never met and have them touch you all over? You don't know where they've been. The brochure also offered a mud bath, or putting your feet in a pool of water and having fish nibble at your toes. I gave that gift coupon to someone else.

And yet another strange gift I won in a competition is a flight on a hot-air balloon. You know the one ... hanging there in mid-air in a wicker basket with a gas cylinder above your head blowing air into a flammable canvass flying just anywhere without a rudder or compass or any means of direction. A modern image of society, I guess.

What if the wicker bottom gave way because of the weight of the people and we all fall down without a parachute? Or if the balloon loses its air ... You know, when you have a party balloon which you blow up and then let go ... and it flies all over the place left and right as it deflates going bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz as it loses air. Does this happen to a hot-air balloon? Can you imagine it flying all over the sky left and right as it deflates dragging people hanging for their lives in a picnic basket? Not for me, I tell you.

I prefer my gifts of the edible kind. Even if it is a leg of lamb pretending to be a turkey.


22 comments:

  1. It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

    The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

    The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

    The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
    🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dearest Victor,
    Some very good and hilarious stories.
    Love that tom–cat masseur!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...sometimes it's best not to tell the truth.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Gifts? Oh yes the edible kind are best. Thanks for the smiles and prayers. God is Good....
    Sherry & jack over here...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like edible gifts. Chocolate ones especially.

      God bless you, Jack and Sherry.

      Delete
  5. What I wouldn't give for a good massage right now. It sounds gross, but one of my best experiences was enjoying one of the famous mud baths in Calistoga, CA. (Do they have anything like that in the UK?) If someone's going to send me edibles, I try not to think about it once having a sweet face; a name, even.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Mevely, they have health places over here where people have mud baths, massages, saunas and the like. I've never been to such. Although as a radio reporter I did visit a health club to cover a story:

      https://timeforreflections.blogspot.com/2019/03/visiting-health-club.html

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. Riding in a hot air balloon is on my bucket list of things to do :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. The gift card I think is a great idea! You can get whatever you want! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd rather have the money. The gift card is often conditional on one shop, or one product - e.g. a book, or a restaurant meal etc...

      God bless, Happyone.

      Delete
    2. You can give gift cards that work like credit cards and you can use them however you want to.

      Delete
    3. I did not know that, Happyone. Thank you. Much appreciated.

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. The hot air balloon feature reminded me of one of my favorite movies of all time: The Wizard of Oz. Do you remember when the balloon took off without Dorothy, and she cried for him to come back? His response (like too many of today's political elites), "I can't come back; I don't know how it works!" I find myself wishing that God would just shake these folks up and wake them up to the reality that He is the only one in charge.
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never understood hot air balloons. How do they control where it flies to?

      God bless, Martha.

      Delete
  9. Sometimes it is best to just thank the person and never mention it again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hit the wrong button and it posted before i could say, it's the thought that counts and it would never do to say, "What were you thinking!" to the person giving the gift.

      Delete
    2. It was a tasty turkey too. Even though it was from the supermarket and not the farm

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.