Tuesday 30 August 2022

Sir Laugh-A-Lot


There was a knock on the door this past Sunday morning. I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:  "Good morning, I'm a Jehovah's Witness." So I said "Come in and sit down." I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the hell out of me, I've never gotten this far before."


Ron was stopped by the police at 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night. Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?”

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."


Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the railway station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments, everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."


A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied six.

The judge then said, "I will then give you six days in jail then."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."


I was driving this morning when I saw an Auto Rescue van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.


The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path. Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"


  1. ...once again Victor, you have quite a collection. Thanks for the laughs.

  2. The lady opened the door in her negligee.....
    I thought..'What a silly place to have a door'..! :).

    Some years ago l invited two Jehovah's Witness...
    into my home one Sunday afternoon..well..the footy
    was rubbish anyway..l was determined that they enter
    as Jehovah's Witness..and leave as Catholics...! :).
    So..I got the Bible out from under one end of the TV
    it was holding up..opened it up at random..and there
    it was Samson and Delilah...I preferred the 1949 film
    original, with Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr..though...!
    Anyway! I tore these two Jehovah's Witnesses to pieces!
    When most of their beliefs are all man made...AND..l
    told them so...After an hour, l decided it was my tea time,
    and let them go...do you over the years, l've seen them
    up here, knocking on doors, but, never on mine..Shame! :).

    And, do you know, l've never driven a hearse..I'd really love
    to, l really would, but, only if there's some 'body' about....!
    I'll finish up in one some day l suppose..they'll ALL be saying,
    there's that Willie..taking it all lying down..! HeHe! :0).
    🎶 🥂 🍾 🎊 🎉 😘 ❤ 🎶 🥂 🍾 🎊 🎉 😘

  3. Hahahaha! That last one nearly made me spit my coffee across the keyboard.

    1. I'm glad my discomfort at having to carry the golf bag made you laugh, Mevely and Kathy. Why can't my wife carry it a bit?

      God bless you. Keep smiling.

  4. I always like reading your jokes out to my husband. His favourite today was your one about the breakdown. Laughter is good for the soul.

    1. I'm glad I made you both laugh. God bless, Brenda.

  5. Can't thank you enough for the laughs, Victor.

    1. Thank you for a very kind complement, Martha. God bless you and yours.

  6. That last one had me laughing out loud! :)

    1. I really am so pleased, Happyone. God bless always.

  7. Can of peas, heeheehee! Somebody wants a vacation from his wife,

  8. Thanks for the smiles, always welcome, along with the prayers! ;-)

    1. Praying for you always, my friend.

      God bless, Jack.



God bless you.